EXCELSIOR; 



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ssays on politeness, Education 



AND THE 



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eans of lltiaitthtg BncttsB in fife. 



Part I. — For Young Gentlemen, 

BY 

T. E. HOWARD, A. M., 

PROFESSOR OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND LITEKATCBE IN THE UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME, 
AUTHOR OF "A PRACTICAL GRAMMAR OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE," ETC. 



Part II. — For Young Ladies, 

BY % *** 

A LADY, (R. V. R.) 



BALTIMORE: 
KELLY J^J^JD IPIET- 

1868. 






Entered Recording to Act of Congress, in the year 1868, by 
KELL Y & P I E T , 

In the Clerk's Office of the District: Court for the District of Maryland. 



003STTE3STT S 



-♦-♦—*— 



Page. 

PREFACE .-..«. 7 

PART I. 
CHAPTER I. 

Life...., 13 

CHAPTER II. 

Home 20 

CHAPTER III. 

College 31 

CHAPTER IY. 

Good Manners 48 

Cleanliness , . . * 52 

Neatness « . . . 64 

Manliness . . , 70 

Table Etiquette 81 

Practical Hints ,.i 9.1 

CHAPTER V. 

Conversation ,.'. 100 

Letters 115 

CHAPTER VI. 

Vocation 122 

Punctuality. ... , i 129 

1* 



8 coy texts. 

PA RT I I. 

CHAPTER 1. 

Belf-Sacrificc 147 

CHAPTER II. 

Affection at Home lol 

CHAPTER III. 

Cheerfalness at Home 157 

CHAPTER IV. 

Patience at Home > 101 

CHAPTER V. 

Housework 168 

CHAPTER VI. 

Plain Sewing 175 

CHAPTER VII. 

The Besetting Sin of Women 180 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Mental Training 189 

CHAPTER IX. 

Mental Training— (Cont'nned) 196 

CHAPTER X. 

Physical Training 206 

CHAPTER XL 

Miscellaneous 216 

CHAPTER XII. 

Miscellaneous — (Continued) 226 



VERSES.— Pabt 1 237 

Part II 277 



:p :r, e f .a. o e 



.The book we now present to young students will 
fill, we trust, a real want, which, for our part, w T e have 
felt for a number of years. It is not a religious book, 
and yet it is Christian in all its bearings, and based 
throughout on Christian principles. It is the result of 
a reflecting and analyzing experience of more than a 
quarter of a century. We feel certain confidence that 
it will qualify young gentlemen and ladies to move with 
becoming decorum and propriety in the best circles of 
American society. 

The first part, although written for young gentlemen, 
will be found to dwell on general principles, which 
should be studied by ladies as well; the second part, 
directed almost exclusively to young ladies in academies, 
will not be lost on the other sex, if read w r ith a view to 
obtain useful information. It will be easily discovered 
that two different minds have been engaged on the work, 
and the reason for this will readily be understood by all. 
They have, however, acted in unison, aiming at the 
same end. 



8 PREFACE. 

At the end of the prose work a poetical summary of 
it is given, for Btudents io commit to memory. If this 
be faithfully enforced the rule- 1 manners will 

probably be retained for life, and be of practical use 
long after school books have been laid aside. 

The inmates of our boarding schools can scarcely 
overrate the importance of good manners ; their pro- 
ficiency in grammar, in arithmetic, or algebra, will not 
be found out by evervbodv thev may chance to meet ; 
but their exterior deportment will ever be open to the 
scrutiny of friends and foes. 

The present essays are chiefly offered to boarding- 
schools for two reasons : the first is that day pupils 
scarcely come in contact with their teachers out of the 
class-room; therefore, the formation of their manners 
devolves on their parents at home, and a teacher would 
feel a certain delicacy in an attempt, for the sue 
of which he should have entire control over his pupils : 
the second is that here, as in Europe, our boarding- 
schools represent, to a considerable extent, the wealthy 
families of the land, or, in other words, more to our 
purpose, the influential portion of society — that portion 
which always and everywhere give the tone to the rest. 
It is evident that young gentlemen and ladies, whose 
parents and connections are surrounded ai home with 
refinement and special consideration, should be trained 
to manners and habits in accordance with their station 
and in keeping with their associations in after life. 



PREFACE. . 9 

Parents, in this respect, rely on the institutions where 
they place their children for the greater portion 
of their youth. The institutions receiving such trusts 
become responsible for the fulfilment of a duty on which 
parents generally and rightfully lay a great stress. 
Now, to redeem their pledge on this point, they will 
find next to an impossibility, unless they make it a part 
of the programme of studies, and proceed as with any 
other branch ; but by assigning regular hours, and 
placing in the hands of the students a standard book for 
study — with fixed principles carefully defined and pro- 
perly explain ed--—by a few verses to be committed, from 
time to time, to memory, and, above all, by a continual 
attention on the part of professors to recall the same 
to the pupil who forgets himself, none can fail to 
. obtain the happiest results. 



PART I 



FOR YOUNG GENTLEMEN. 



CHAPTER I. 




LIFE. 

■^IFE is a journey, man a traveler. 
Some find a pleasant road, others a 
dreary one ; while to most men the 
journey is neither cheerful nor sad. 
At times the sun shines out bright- 
ly, the breezes freshen, the dews 
glisten, and the whole world spreads 
before us, a banquet of beauty. 
Anon, dark clouds cover the earth 
like a pall ; cold, wet winds creep 
over us; and the sorrow of death seems to fill 
the land. Again 'tis hard matter to tell whether 
cloud or sun rules the hour. 

Such is the day ; what of the people? In our 

childhood scarce any attend us but the most 

familiar friends, fathers, mothers, brothers, and 

sisters. And happy we, if even they are with 

us. Many a one begins this journey, stepping 

| from the cradle with not a soul to guide him. 

t Soon, however, new faces are seen. Neighbors 

2 



] i EXCELSIOR 

drop in. The world widens as we advance. 
Strangers become our playmates on the way. 
Stranger bands grasp ours, stranger eyes peer 
into our faces, aha Btranger voices whisper in our 
ears. Some look kindly upon us; the gentle 
- .11] wells up in the mild eye. and we believe 
them good. More seem dark and moody; the 
abrupl voice, flashing eye, and swift hand, seek 
terrible vengeance for a trifling wrong. And 
yel an act, a word, nay. even a glance, will some- 
times disarm their fiercest anger. "Who are 
wholly good? Who are altogether wicked? 
How shall we judge this people? Can we pass 
along our journey, without harm to ourselves, 
doing some good to those w T e meet on our way? 

My young friends, we are all traveling this 
journey of life. Which of us is too well pre- 
pared? Is there any one wdio has nothing to 
Learn, so as to make the road a safe one for him- 
helf? Many of those who travel with us are 
certainly dangerous persons. Rpbbers lie in wait 
for us all along the route, ready to take our most 
valuable treasures. Thieves and pickpockets 
chat pleasantly with us, and wait a chance to 
steal the jewels most precious to our souls. Liars 
are thereto take away our good name ; and crim- 
t' every grade stand waiting to trap us, 
each with his own particular wickedness. It 
wmuM be a hard matter to guard ourselves against 

much wrong, it' we know our enemies by sight ; 
how much more so, when it is scarcely possible 
to tell the good from the had ! 



LIFE. 15 

Two remedies are left us : to protect ourselves, 
and to aid the good against the wicked. We 
must first see that our own soul and body are 
pure ; that we may not be touched by the sin 
around us, and become wicked ourselves. We 
must guard every point, by wisdom and virtue, 
that no enemy may find a weak spot for attack. 
Then, when we ourselves have become secure, 
we must turn to help our fellows. And, after 
all, one of the best means of protecting ourselves 
is to help our neighbor. He will help us in turn ; 
and thus we shall be doubly strong in time of 
danger. 

But how shall we begin ? We must first make 
friends. No man w T ill open his heart to you, and 
show you his secret griefs, unless he can trust 
you ; few men will be willing to assist you unless 
they like you; that is, to clo good or to be good, 
to advance your own interests or the interests of 
others, to be of any use in the world, either to 
yourself or to anybody else, you must make 
friends and keep them; God has so formed us 
that we cannot get along well without one an- . 
other. How then shall we make friends? Not 
by force, certainly; for that would be absurd. 
Force could not win the good will of a slave or 
of a dog, still less that of a free man ; friendship 
is not forced, it must be won. To win the good 
will of another, you must please him by some 
good qualities of your own. Men naturally ad- 
mire and love wdiatever is excellent in their fel- 
low-beings. If you are beautiful, a well-formed 



l<5 EXCELSIOR. 

man, if is a great poinl in your favor, it is 
much to win the admiration of men: if you are 
wise, it is still more; for men admire excel- 
lence of mind more than of body. But men of 
i and of fine form are often without 
friends. You must perform kind and beautiful 
actions, speak kind and beautiful words, for the 
Bake of your companions; then indeed will yen 
have hosts of friends, whether yen are very wise 
and beautiful, or bul a mere homely man of com- 
mon sense. Show by your words and your ac- 
tions that you are friendly to others, and then 
you may ho certain that they will ho friendly to 
. * Tic world over, you will find that you gel 
what you give. Good for good; evil for evil: 
and friendship for friendship. 

Whatever desire we have in life, then, whether 
the honorable one of elevating our own position, 
or the still more noble one of living for the good 
of others, it is necessary that we cultivate all 
the graces of the person, and all the finer quali- 
ties "1" the heart. These are the means of cap- 
tivating men. When they distinguish a true 
heart, gentlemanly carriage, and elegant man- 
ners, especially if combined with common sense, 
i hey are ready to follow to the ends of the earth. 
Eow often do we see the man of genius beckon- 
in vain for the multitude to follow him. while 
thousand Btep into the tracks of some polished 

ttleman, without half the brains! In fact, 
tin- inner and generosity of heart 

are tic- in-trade of halt' our successful men. 






LIFE. 17 

A whole-souled, polite individual, with a little 
brains, will make his way most successfully 
through a fashionable drawing-room, while your 
.man of intellect, for want of a little tact, stum- 
bles along and makes himself ridiculous. A 
moneyed man will take a free-and-easy, penni- 
less youth into partnership, and both will grow 
wealthy. Two lawyers plead a case in court; 
one is learned in the science, the other has a 
good word for everybody, speaks with feeling 
and wins his suit, And so in every pursuit ; this 
desire and effort to please does please, and wins 
the day. How strong, then, must that man be 
who has intellectual ability and this agreeable 
manner besides ! He is sure to succeed. A 
young man of even average talents, with refined 
manners and a generous disposition, need never 
fear of making his mark in life. 

The most cheering thought regarding agree- 
able manners is, that all men, with few excep- 
tions, can attain them by cultivation. With 
mental gifts and bodily strength and propor- 
tions, the case is quite different ; though they, 
also, may be improved to some extent. We 
are born with bodies and minds of certain 
power, beyond which they cannot be carried. 
But our tastes, habits, and conduct in general, 
are capable of almost unlimited improvement. 
This is a merciful dispensation of Divine Provi- 
dence, by which all men may rise in spite of 
mental or bodily infirmities. Thus men become 
equal because they are men. The souls of all 
2* 



L8 EXCELSIOR. 

are alike, and give a manhood to the most 
wretched, which eveD the highest intellect is 
forced to respecl . 

Young men, you have, then, a delightful task 
before you, to beautify and render harmonious 
the dwelling places of your own souls. Farm- 
ers ornameni the barns which contain their 
cattle, and where they store the yearly harvest ; 
all men decorate the houses in which they live, 
the public buildings in which honorable or im- 
portant assemblages arc held, and especially the 
holy temples where God and His people are 

{iresent. Our bouIs are spirits that belong to 
[eaven; lei us make their bodily habitations as 
manly-like as possible; so that, when we have 
finished the journey of life, and put on the 
habit of saints, we may have approached as 
near as possible to the gentility of angels, who 
axe to be our companions on the endless journey 
of eternity. 

I shall close this subject with those stirring 
lines of Longfellow, which should be the inspi- 
ration of every earnest youth: 



Life is real ! life is earnest ! 

And the grave is not its goal ; 
14 Dust thou art. to <lu>t returnest," 

Was Dot spoken of the bouL 

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow! 
I> our destined end <>r way; 

But tO act, that each to-morroNY 
Find us farther than to-day. 



LIFE. 19 

Art is long, and Time is fleeting, 
And our hearts, though stout and brave, 

Still, like muffled drums, are beating 
Funeral marches to the grave. 

In the world's broad field of battle, 

In the bivouac of Life, 
Be not like dumb, driven cattle ! 

Be a hero in the strife ! 

Trust no Future, how e'er pleasant ! 

Let the dread Past bury its dead ! 
Act, act in the living Present ! 

Heart within, and God o'erhead ! 

Lives of greet men all remind us 

We can make our lives sublime, 
And, departing, leave behind us 

Footprints on the sands of time. 

Footprints, that perhaps another, 

Sailing o'er life's solemn main, 
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother, 

Seeing, shall take heart again. 

Let us, then, be up and doing, 

With a heart for any fate ; 
Still achieving, still pursuing, 

Learn to labor and to wait. 



20 



EXCELSIOR 



CHAPTEE JI. 




BOME. 

*yKTus begin with the Family; the 
fountain head from which flow 
society, states, and all human asso- 
ciations. To silent influences, far 
back among the earliest recollec- 
tions of childhood, Ave may tr 
the origin of almost everything, 
[ty good <>r had, which has happened 
to us in life. Upon the impressible 
nature of infancy, boyhood, and 
youth, arc stamped the marks which time or 
rnity can hardly obliterate. 
From the family, a- a centre, we pass out 
int<» tic world in all directions; and as we have 
learned at home, s«> shall we appear in society. 
Ii i- vain to think that we can he rude or un- 
kind at home and n<>t &how ourselves the same 
abroad. The mother goes out visiting or shop- 
ping, tic father to his daily occupation, the 
old< t<> college or to business, the daugh- 




HOME. 21 

ters to the shrines of fashion, to convent, or to 
toil ; the little children to school, or to spend a 
holiday with their companions. Not one of 
these returns without having impressed the 
influence of his home upon the society in which 
he has mingled, A person may have a common 
dress for the week, and a more elegant suit for 
Sunday, but he cannot so easily have common 
manners for e very-day use at home, and fash- 
ionable politeness for his holidays abroad. If 
he is ungentle to his brothers and sisters, his 
rudeness will stick to him when he attempts to 
shine among; his neighbors. If he ceases to 



-*-& 



neig 



respects his own parents, he w r ill soon find him- 
self awkward in the presence of all aged people. 
But if he is gentle and obliging in the quiet of 
home, with no eye upon him but those of his 
nearest friends, and no reward but their love and 
the pleasure of doing right, then his good man- 
ners become a graceful habit, and he mingles in 
the world with all the ease and unconscious ele- 
gance of a gentleman. 

.And how readily the world judges of our con- 
duct at home ! 

"What a pleasant person Mrs. Wilson is," 
says a lady. 

"Yes, indeed," replies her companion, "it 
always does me good to see her stop at our gate, 
with her cheerful morning face. Happiness 
seems to shine about her wherever she is. Do 
you know that I sometimes have a queer notion 
that it is always May morning with her?" 



22 EXCELSIOR. 

•• N -i Biich a queer notion after all. g the 

la<l\ often speak of the flowers of the bouI, 

the morning of life, the bloom of youth, Ac 
Whal are these bui different way- of expressing 
our highest ideas of goodness, beauty,hope, and 
len< B8, in all their heavenly freshm 
I where can we find them in such a happy 
combination as in the bosom of a truly ( Ihristian 
family, like that of Mrs. Wilson? No wonder 
Bhe is always cheerful, and brings the morning 
with her; her children are the most intelligent 
and 1 M>t mannered of my acquaintance. Jl 
I call a truly polite family, and I am Bure her 
Bons and daughters will grow up noble men and 
women." 

Such are some of the conversations that take 
place among the neighbors of an agreeable fam- 
ily. But thes only ones, as diffi 
eni acquaintances pass by; for too many are 
given to the impolite and unchristian habit of 
talking about the failings oi' their neighb 

"An, ther _ - poor Miss Cumming 
our observing lady: "she has a hard life to 

lead." 

"What a shame/' replies her friend, "for a 
brother t<» treat Buch I girl as he does herl 

Why does her mother allow it? I should think 
she might do something with him." 

\-. indeed/ 1 Bays the lady: ''he has son 
littl 1 for hi- Bister — they are together in 

ich — hut n«»t a hit for his poor 
11«— to think it smart to call her 



HOME. 23 

the old woman, and treat her as a servant. I do 
not see how a son can find it in his heart to act 
towards his mother so ungratefully. If a true 
gentleman should have for a mother the most 
disagreeable and unladylike woman in the land, 
he would never fail to treat her as his mother ; 
and would never abate her one jot of the respect 
and attention due to her who bore him and at- 
tended him in his helpless infancy. And though 
an unchristian world might laugh at him, and 
even ruin him for life, still would he do his duty, 
bravely, nobly; his soul rising proudly in the 
scale of manhood as he performed his good 
work. But here is a youth who has one of the 
best mothers, and a sister of whom any good 
brother would be proud, and he treats them 
without a spark of gentleness, to say nothing of 
affection." 

" And yet," replies the visitor, "what airs he 
puts on in the houses of strangers ! What vul- 
gar politeness ! I suppose he thinks it the per- 
fection of good manners." 

"That is what I never yet saw," says the 
lady, "ill manners at home and true politeness 
abroad. I know there are some persons who 
think they can act this double character to per- 
fection, but they are sadly mistaken. Their 
natural rudeness will show itself in every action 
and expression. A well-bred person has not the 
least difficulty in detecting manners put on, like 
a new coat, for the evening; for manners, like 
dress, to sit easy must be worn for some time. 



EXCELSIOR. 

leopard might as well t ry to bide his s] 
bese i" ' heir lack of good breeding. ' 

How many a youth is thus judged by his 
acquaintance, while he imagines thai he is daily 
winning their golden opinions ! Do not suppo 
young men, thai your conducl al home is entirely 
private; though no one, enjoying the pleasure of 
your kindness, or Buffering from your roughness, 
Bhould complain of the bad or praise the good, 
still you will tell of it yourselves. lour c\ 
your countenance, your walk, your Bpeech, 
everything you do or say. will tell your secret. 
A 1 1< 1 . even though no one should know your un- 
kindness al home, how crm you be happy when 
you feel thai those who should be dearest to you 
of all the world, are rendered unhappy by your 
presence. Your father drops his honored head 
when you arc mentioned; your mother's tears 
tall last, and her pale chock grows hollow — the 
hope of their old age has deceived them; and 
your sister Mushes with Bhame when other sisters 
praise their brothers. Even you can take no 
pleasure in thai home which you have made 
Table for every our. 

With what different feelings a good-hearted 
young man thinks of his home! How happy 
you, if you arc such! You go into society, you 
- college, you travel, you meet with pleasant 
people in all places, and, for your personal worth, 
you are a favorite wherever you go; but every 
hour you think of the absent ones, and, r mid the 
life, a voice ever sings in your heart that 



HOME. 25 

glorious song, "There is no place like home." 
And when you return again, a clearer smile 
comes up from the heart of father and mother 
than you have ever seen elsewhere. Brothers 
and sisters crowd to meet you, with the cheery 
words, "Here comes my brother!' 7 

How did you win the love of every member 
of this dear household? For, see, not one hangs 
back from you ; love beams in every eye. Even 
the passing strangers cannot help turning their 
eyes for a moment to look upon so much happi- 
ness. Has all this mutual love come by chance? 
Was it born with you? Not at all; for, look, 
here comes your brother, w T ho was also absent : 
a sudden coldness, painful to behold, has fallen 
upon the happy group. They try to greet him 
as joyfully as they did you, but they cannot. 
Nature will not suffer them ; and the attempt 
ends in an awkward silence, which secretly 
grieves everybody. All that young group re- 
member, instinctively, that one brother has been 
rude, the other gentle. They cannot drive away 
the memory, try they ever so hard. They re- 
member the cruel blow in the corner, the harsh 
word. And with that remembrance comes the 
thought of the gentleness that soothed the trou- 
bled heart ; and of the good brother, who took 
the blame of many a fault to himself, which the 
other should have borne. They w T ould fain now 
receive both brothers alike, but nature forbids ; 
the facts of the past are stamped upon the 
memory. 



EXCELSIOR. 

Tliink how many an old man suffers bitterly 

remembers bis unkindness to the dear 

ones, who are perhaj in the grave. 

angry word, i bal brought a sigh from his 
mother; an evening's absence, without consent, 
thai made sad his fa1 her's heart ; a profane word, 
thai broughl shame to his sister's cheek; a rude 

;. ; hai sent his little brother sobbing in 
till the tender heart was bursting with grief; — 
all these rush up before the old man's mind, and 
he weeps vain, sail tears of sorrow. - 

'Tis bu1 a few years, at most, that we spend 

ther in the family; parents, and. perhaps, 
there and Bisters, pass to a better life; and 

go forth alone into the world. How sweet 
may we make the memory of those home days — 
or hew hitter! A cheerful good morning, as we 
a a new day, will give pleasure to all. 
The kind words and gentle actions of the morn- 
ing are pleasant memories for the day. Those 
at home will wait with joy for the nightfall: the 

at ones will often think of the greetings of 

evening, when they shall return from toil; 
and these thoughts will make many a trouble 
glide sm<><,thly by. Around them, perhaps, are 
wicked men. hard Work, and they are tired and 
sick of all their labors; but at home all is neat 
and cheerful -no cross faces, no short answers, 
nocunning cheats, no din and drudgery. Sud- 
denly they cry out from the depths of their 
troubled hearts, u This world is not so bad 
we Feared, ther,- j> still a paradise at home, this 
day wdl b< m >n be over." 



HOME. 27 

What noble-hearted young man, who values 
whatever is most precious in life, will fail, in 
kindness, gentleness, and politeness, to make his 
home the spot of all the world where his soul 
delights to be? 

How often have Ave admired one of those 
Christian homes, and called it, in our heart, the 
loveliest emblem of Heaven on earth ! ' All na- 
tions have found no holier title than Father to 
give to the Author of every good ; no sweeter 
name than Mother to call the Blessed among 
women ; no dearer word than Brethren for the 
members of the one Fold. And when we wish 
to tell of our utmost hope of happiness with God, 
w T e speak of our Heavenly home. 

Let us see, then, how we may attain this high 
ideal of a true home. Nature has done much 
for us. God has given to parents an intense 
love for their children. Night and day they 
have thought and labored for us, providing for 
our wants in infancy and youth ; and even when 
we have become men, they never relax their 
solicitude. It has been well remarked, that 
there was no need of commanding parents to 
love their children ; it is natural for them to do 
so. They will do their part to make home 
happy. But children are not always grateful 
for this unbounded parental love, and therefore 
God has given them a special command to love 
their parents , 

For children, then, the great rule of conduct 
is that given by infinite wisdom: Ho^oe thy 



28 EXCELSIOR. 

Patheb and thy Mother. This includes all 
your duties; and let it be remembered that this 
law is for everyone. It does not cease to be in 
force when you become of a certain age. Who- 
ever thou art, child or full grown, the command 
is. Honor thy lather and thy mother. I do not 
suppose that any of my young Mends is so 
hard-hearted as a son of whom I once heard, 
who was well rebuked by his own child. It 
appears that this so-called gentleman was very 
covetous, and made his aged father sleep on a 
hay bed in the barn, and live on the coarsest 
food. One evening, towards winter, the old 
man, growing cold, asked for a blanket. His 
son sent the little boy to a closet after an old 
one, and, when it was brought, remarked that a 
whole blanket was too much for the old man, so 
he cut it in two. "Give me the other half, 
papa." said the boy. " What do you want of it 
child?" he answered. The little fellow replied, 
quite innocently, "to keep till you get old, to 
make you warm when you sleep in the barn in 
winter." 

Now, this unnatural man may have been con- 
sidered a most distinguished member of society. 
but I am sure that every Christian gentleman 
will think him vulgar and brutish, and entirely 
unworthy to appear in good company. And yet 
how many young men treat their parents in a 
manner not much better. They will not put 
them to sleep in the barn, perhaps ; but they will 
insult them, mock them, neglect them in sick- 



HOME. 29 

ness and old age, be ashamed of them before 
others, and treat them with a thousand indigni- 
ties which make the old hearts bleed in silence, 
and bring silent tears down the hollow cheeks. 
Ah! let such children take care, lest, when they 
become old, they too in their turn receive the 
half blanket. 

If any man deserves harsh treatment in old 
age, it is he who has failed to honor his father 
and his mother in youth. And the declining 
years of such persons are generally bitter enough. 
Of what is such a one ashamed in his parents? 
Of their gray hairs? His own will be gray if 
he is blest with a long life. Of their odd habits ? 
His own will be odd to the next generation. Of 
their lack of accomplishments, polished manners, 
and a good education? From whom has he 
received his ? They have toiled that they might 
give him better than they had themselves ; and 
will he turn about and be ashamed of the givers? 
As you value your reputation as a man, be not 
ashamed of your father and your mother. 
Whether you are a child, a boy, a young man, 
or an old man, always respect your parents. If 
they do wrong, you may hate their faults, but 
never despise them. Pray for them, and remem- 
ber your own failings ; and whatever be your 
position in the world, though wealth and honor 
flow in upon you, and all men look up to you 
for guidance, remember that your parents are 
your superiors in all the social relations of life. 
Never dare to treat them as inferiors, nor pre- 
3* 



EXCELSIOR. 






Mini*' to consider them as equals. To them 
belongs the firsl place in every attention ; to 
them, every gentlesl ad of courtesy. L< t your 
treatment never 1>< i such as to make them forget 
thai they are parents, and you their children. 
/Lbove all, lei them never fee] thai they are a 
burden to you. If they arc feeble in old aj 
remember thai you were helpless in infancy. 
And though you treat them with all gentleness 
and kindness, still you are only doing your duty 
and paying your just debts. It" utter Strang 
should bring you up from childhood, treat you 
well, and educate you, would you not feel that 
your debl to them could never be paid? Your 
parents have clone all this; and, besides, they 
an your parents. Can your debt to them be 
less? Do not be stingy of your love and kind 
actions for them. Treat them with a generous 
abundance of all the good things in your power, 
as they have treated you. Then may you hope 
that Heaven's blessings will rest upon you, that 
all you do will prosper, that all your friends will 
prove true to you, and that you will 

"So live that when 3*011 come to join 
The innumerable throng that move to the pale realms 
Of Bhade, you go, not like the quarry slave, 
Scourged 1 1 his dun-con; but, sustained and soothed 
By an unfaltering trust, approach your grave 
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch 
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams." 



COLLEGE, 



31 



CHAPTER III. 



COLLEGE. 

-HE young man in leaving home for 
college has earnest and important 
objects in view ; otherwise he would 
never consent to forego all the de- 
lights of his own family fireside, 
and take up his abode among dis- 
tant strangers. 

The college is that place on the 
journey of life where we part from 
our friends and home, to remain for 
some time among new friends, and prepare our- 
selves to enter the broad, active world which is 
beyond. It is the place midway between home 
and society, and in part resembles each. College 
life is, then, properly speaking, a preparation for 
after life, a little world through which we pass 
to the great world ; or it is like the rehearsal 
before the play, where we practice what we are 
to bring out more fully at another time. 

Now, every young man who is worthy of 




32 EXCELSIOR. 

being called a man, is ambitious in some way. 
He has some object in view, and wishes to attain 
that object. He marks out for himself Borne 

state iii life to which la- finds himself called. 
And, it' he has in him the germs of a real man, 
he will wish to succeed well in that calling; or, 
if lie is not yet sure of what his calling is, he is 
at least determined to succeed in whatever he 
may afterwards choose. 

The earnest young man mu>t, then, ask him- 
self a very simple but a very serious question : 
What must I do to prepare myself for success in 
life? If he finds the true answer to that ques- 
tion, and follows up the spirit of the answer, he 
will never in his old age look back on his life 
and call it a failure. For God has a calling in 
life for every one of us, and if we prepare our- 
selves well for that, w^e must pass on successfully 
to the end. God has not intended that any 
young man should fail in life. All that is neces- 
sary is that we should choose the state of life for 
which He has made us, and prepare ourselves 
well for that. Men do fail every day; but it is 
because they are not in their proper places, or 
have not prepared for them in their youth. 

\\ hat preparation, then, do you need to con- 
tinue your journey and enter successfully on this 
new course of life; why have you come to col- 
lege? Probably you will answer, to become 
educate. That is it exactly, to become edu- 
cated. Bui now we must follow up our question 
with another: What is the meaning of this w T ord 



COLLEGE. 33 

educated ? It comes from an old Roman word — 
e-ducere, which signifies to draw out. That is, 
you have come here to be drawn out — not, I 
hope, to be drawn and quartered; but to have all 
the faculties and powers of your soul, mind and 
body, brought out in all their native strength and 
vigor. That is, you are here to develop your 
manhood, to bring out all that is in you. Each 
one is here to make the most of himself. That 
is education ; and it is indeed for that you came 
to college. 

As you are composed of body, mind, and 
soul ; so your education should be physical, 
mental, and moral. He who is trained in one of 
these respects, to the exclusion of the others, is, 
properly speaking, not educated at all ; that is 
all the powers of his manhood are not brought 
out; he lacks something of being a complete 
man, something in soul, mind, or body. 

The extraordinary development of the muscles, 
with little attention to mind or soul, gives us the 
prize-fighter. The extraordinary development of 
the mind, with little attention to body or soul, 
gives us the lean, lank infidel, or the dreaming 
philosopher, turning the world upside down with 
his wickedness or nonsense, and leaving to men 
of broader and better thought the weary task of 
building it all over again. The extraordinary 
development of the soul, with little attention to 
mind or body, gives us the simple enthusiast, 
whose mind and body are too weak to hold the 
spirit, which becomes an angel because he dis- 
dained to remain a man. 



34 EXCELSIOR. 

Educating our lowest nature only, makes us 
lower than men — beasts; educating our intel- 
lectual nature only, makes us worse than men — 
devils; educating our moral nature only, makes 

us better than men — angels. But it' we wish to 
remain Bimply men, we must educate the whole 
nature of man. This education must be harmo- 
nious, moving together, all the powerp receiving 
due attention in their turn. As the body ac- 
quires vigor, agility, and grace: the mind must 
acquire strength, wisdom, and knowledge; and 
the soul purity, truth, and charity. Men thus 
educated are models of grace and beauty, lords 
of wisdom, and friends of God. 

Such were Adam and Eve before the fall, per- 
fect, without education, from the hand of their 
.Maker. Adam, type of manly strength and 
proportion ; Eve, fairest of women ; whose minds 
were bright intelligence, and whose souls were 
pure as the morning dews of Paradise. They 
walked the groves and valleys, mountains, and 
flowery fields of Eden; vigorous as the noonday, 
lovely as the morning. They looked upon all 
nature and read as in a book; the green earth 
and the starry heavens were the bright open 
pages on which the words, formed into histories 
and poems, more grand and beautiful than sage 
ever wrote or poet dreamed. Day and night 
their hearts, not thinking evil, rose to God an 
endless hymn of praise. 

But they fell. A cloud obscured the bright- 
ness of all these glories. Their bodies grew fee- 



COLLEGE, 35 

ble, old, and wrinkled; their minds lost their 
natural intelligennce and vigor ; and their souls 
looked no longer upon the face of God, but only 
"as through a glass, darkly." It was indeed a 
"fall;" man descended suddenly and forever from 
the model type of Paradise to the type which we 
behold around us. But though he fell he did not 
lose his manhood; and every one of us has in 
himself the powers of Adam, weakened indeed, 
but still the same powers. Often silent and even 
unknown to us, but always existing in the depths 
of our being — oh, for the means to bring them 
out, to lead out those hidden qualities of our 
nature, to educate ourselves, till we return once 
more to those model types of the first children 
of the world, and become like the perfect man 
i fashioned by the hand of the Divinity! 

Alas, we cannot. There is too much to do. 
We have not the power to become as Adam was. 
But, with the help of God, Ave can do something. 
If we can never become perfect we must at least 
aim to be perfect. He who aims highest may 
jnot hit his mark, but he will certainly strike 
higher than one whose aim is lower. We may 
inever become so vigorous, wise and good as Adam 
was, but we must try to become so; that is, we 
must try to become as vigorous, wise, and good 
!as possible. Our aim will then be high, and we 
may be sure that our success will be greater than 
'that of those who have no desire for excellence — 
that passion of noble minds. 

As students, it is your duty to see how you 



EXCELSIOR. 

may aim al this perfection by thoroughly edu- 
cating yourselves physically, morally and men- 
tally. 

No studenl should negled those manly exer- 
cises necessary for the healthy development of 
his body. Students, in general, have too little 
regard for this matter. They imagine that edu- 
cation consists only in training the mind. Hence 
we sec so many pale, delicate scholars, men who 
are affected by the slightest change of weather, 
who shiver if to-day is one degree colder than 
yesterday; who are sure to have a headache or 
a slight cold if they happen to be caught for a 
moment in a little shower of rain, — men, in fact, 
who seem to use their bodies as barometers and 
thermometers, rather than as real bodies of flesh 
and blood. It is true that there arc often heredi 
tary causes of ill health ; but most of these pale 
students owe their feebleness of body to thei 
own negligence. They sat all their time at their 
desks, forgot the swing, forgot the game of ball, 
forgot even the walk and the fresh air — forgot 
their own bodies altogether. Is it any wonder 
that they wake up after a few years and find 
that their constitutions are ruined? They imag- 
ined that their bodies needed only a little sleep 
and a great deal of food. Now they find that 
they can no longer sleep, but toss from side to 
side en their weary beds; they can not even eat, 
for their stomachs are enfeebled with too much 
food and too little exercise. They are broken 
down, and their active minds are last wearing 



■ 



COLLEGE. 37 

out what little power is left in their bodies. The 
student, more than any one else, should learn to 
command his appetite, to take abundant exercise, 
and not let his imperious intellect run riot with 
all the powers of his manhood. Remember that 
if your mind becomes master of your weak body 
it will have no mercy; it is a burning flame 
which becomes more active the more it burns, 
till nothing is left but spirit and ashes ; the spirit 
rises, men bury your ashes in the ground, and 
all is over. 

It is a false notion that men of genius have 
been generally careless of physical culture. Look 
at the portraits of the great men of the world, 
and you will be surprised at their fine forms and 
manly proportions. In the very dawn of Grecian 
literature we find old Homer traveling about 
Greece on foot reciting his matchless poems. 
What a fine example, that of the robust old 
man of genius taking exercise, which the puny 
poets of our day would call very hard work ! 

But we are not without our great poets also. 
Bryant, the patriarch of American poets, walks 
the streets, the fields, and the forests, with all 
the vigor of a young man. And yet young 
men profess to believe it a sign of genius to be 
delicate in health. These young men will find 
the geniuses of the world against them. Wash- 
ington, Napoleon, Hannibal, Caesar, Alexander, 
and the rest, could march through the snows of 
winter or the heat of summer, lie down on the 
ground under the canopy of heaven, and win the 
4 



38 EXCELSIOR. 

battles of tli< i world. Sir Walter Scott was 
never so happy as when he was tramping over 
his native hills like one of his own moss-troop- 
ers. Burns wrote his best poems after working 
all Jay on his poor farm. Shakespeare, the 

m universal of geniuses, retired, in the prime 
of his renown, from intellectual and courtly Lon- 
don, to live a country life on his own New Place 
at Stratforcl-on-Avon. 

But our Saviour is our best example in this, 
as in everything else. He is himself the per- 
fect Adam, the true model who has given him- 
self as a pattern for all men in alV things. 
The portraits and descriptions of our Blessed 
Lord before the time of His Passion, repre- 
sent Him as the type of majesty, grace and 
every human beauty and proportion. Yes, God, 
in making the "human form divine," the most 
excellent work of the physical creation, evi- 
dently designed that we should develop all the 
powers of our bodies as well as those of the mind 
and the spirit. 

But we must remember that a well-developed 
body is not simply a fat one. A man may be 
fleshy, and he is not to be blamed for that, if he 
cannot help it ; but he must take no credit to 
himself for his useless burden of fat. It is 
rather a sign -of disease than of health, especially 
when excessive. Strength, airilitv. and manlv 
proportion are the signs of a well-developed 
body. Can you enter with spirit into all manly 
games and enjoy them without fatigue? Can 



COLLEGE. 39 

you take long walks over the country, run, leap, 
and carry home your tired little brother on your 
shoulders, without being sick next clay? If you 
can, you are strong? Are all your limbs and 
muscles under y5ur control at a moment's 
notice? Can you recover when near falling, one 
foot, like a brother, quick to help the other? 
Do you delight in playing base ball, alley-ball, 
and other games requiring great activity? If 
so, you are agile. Do you stand straight, your 
shoulders thrown back, and your body supported 
on both legs? Do you move about without 
stooping, or slouching, or dragging your feet, 
but with a firm, easy step, and your hands out 
of your pockets? If you do, your general 
appearance is manly, whether you wear broad- 
cloth or homespun. 

But if you are compelled to answer No to all 
these questions, then you are not strong, agile, 
or well-proportioned ; and it is high time that 
you should commence to take more active inter- 
est in the hours of recreation. And do not be 
satisfied to walk around at a leisurely pace, 
though that is better than nothing at all. Go 
into the active sports, even rapid walking, and 
throwing your arms about you, to send the 
blood tingling through every vein. You will 
then soon find a new vigor in ever fiber of your 
body, and even your mind will be more keen 
and powerful, and your soul more pure and 
better sustained in its empire over mind and 
body. 



40 EXCELSIOR. 

Do not say that you were born weak and 
have always been in delicate health. Perse- 
vering, long continued exercise will accomplish 
wonders. Caesar hardly lived through the years 
of infancy; but he determined to become an 
orator in spite of his puny body and weak lungs. 
He made both strong enough for his purpose by 
running up hill and declaiming to the winds 
when he got there. Dr. Winship was advised 
by his physicians to lift weights to strengthen 
his breast; and he kept on lifting till, though a 
small man, he is the strongest in the world, 
lifting nearly three thousand pounds. 

We can all become well developed in our 
bodies if we take the proper means; and I 
would earnestly advise every young man to 
neglect no hour which may furnish the means of 
educating himself in this particular, of improving 
the health and strength of his body. It will be 
no loss of time. He who has taken his recrea- 
tion can often comprehend in a moment what 
would otherwise puzzle his brain for hours. I 
would especially warn you not to waste your 
precious out-door hours in playing chess, or at 
any game which compels you to sit still and fret 
your mind, while you should be moving actively 
with a mind entirely free from care and study, 
that you may go back all fresh and joyous, not 
fagged out, to your desk and your class-room. 
Thus far for the education of the body. 

It seems almost out of my place to speak here 
of matters connected with the proper training of 



COLLEGE. 41 

your spiritual nature. God lias appointed His 
own ministers for that purpose. But I may tell 
you that no one is truly educated who is not 
religious, and does not thoroughly understand 
the religion which he professes to believe. The 
soul is not merely one of the parts of man ; it 
is the highest, the greatest, the holiest; and he 
who neglects his religious education, neglects the 
welfare of the best part of his being. He takes 
care to develop his lower nature, but forgets the 
higher ; as though a man should train his sense 
of smell, and forget his sight and hearing; or, 
as though one should cultivate his moustache, 
and neglect his common sense. Education, as 
we have seen, signifies the development of all 
our powers ; it is therefore self-evident that jgg 
cannot be educated, in any true sense of tne 
word, without being well-grounded in all that 
relates to the w r elfare of our spiritual nature. 

It is also worth your attention to remember 
that the great day of scoffers is over. The age 
is growing more earnest. To use a common 
expression, skepticism is becoming unpopular. 
Men are beginning to find out that there is 
something better about them than either flesh or 
intellect. This is the case with those who have 
no knowledge of the truth, as well as with those 
who have. All men are becoming interested in 
something beyond and above them. It is for 
that reason that so many are led away by spirit- 
ualism and every new excitement, trying to find 
the truth. Try, then, to take a deep interest in 
4* 



42 EXCELSIOR. 

all thai concerns your moral education; for that 
is the m08< important of all, without which the 
others are altogether useless and often even 
dangerous. 

As for your intellectual education, which is too 
often considered the only education necessary, I 
have to give you one advice which embraces all : 
Be thorough. When you come to college you 
should mark out a plan which you will pursue 
to the end. This plan must depend on the time 
you can give to study and on the objects you 
have in life. If you have but a short time to 
spend in acquiring knowledge and developing 
your mind, your studies should embrace those 
things which are to be most needful to vou in 
A^r life, according to the ancient maxim: "Let 
the boy learn those things which he is to put in 
practice when he becomes a man." That is a 
good rule when rightly understood ; but as often 
taken it is a most pernicious one. Men often 
make it a cloak to cover and excuse ignorance. 
One poor, stupid individual says, I am to be a 
tanner; all the education I need is reading, 
writing and arithmetic, for these are all that I 
shall ever use. Very true, if he means to spend 
his time only in work and making sharp bar- 
gains so as to collect and heap up some money. 
Another says, I wish to he a merchant, so I 
shall study only reading, writing, arithmetic, and 
book-keeping, for J shall use only these. Very 
true, it his only ambition is to gel more money. 
\ third says. I am to be a lawyer, I need only 



COLLEGE. 43 

reading, writing, arithmetic, and law ; for I shall 
use nothing else. Very true, if his highest aim 
is to be a poor lawyer or to fill some petty office. 
In such cases as these, if men have no more 
manhood about them, if they are not smitten 
with the grand passion of the desire of excel- 
lence, then let them go, they are not worthy of 
a noble education. 

But if they are nature's noblemen they will 
look higher, they will aim to call into exercise 
all the powers which God has given them. And 
here I must notice another common fault. How 
often have I felt sad when I saw young men of 
fine promise wasting away their minds, studying 
without a purpose or an end in view ; first taking 
up one class, then another, just to try how it 
would go. Why not study according to sdH^ 
system? If one has but a single term, or a 
single year, to spend in study, he may be ex- 
cused for taking up only what he is sure to need 
in practical life. 

But most students have at least a few years 
at their disposal. Why not take advantage of 
this precious time, and make men of themselves ? 
Mere knowledge is not enough to develop one's 
mind, especially when that knowledge is indis- 
criminate. He may, indeed, thus get a sort of 
knowledge-box, containing a little of everything, 
with nothing in order. Such a mind may be 
compared to an old garret full of everything, but 
all its contents good for nothing. 

What the mind needs is power to think and 



44 EXCELSIOR. 

acl for itself. All the knowledge of the world 
would be of little use to a mind noi trained raid 
able to use its knowledge. The great object of 
study, then, should be to enable us to think well 
on all subjects. Mere cramming in of dry facts 
is not enough for this. The course of studies 
which we follow should then be such as will 
draw out all the powers of our minds, and draw 
them out in order and perfect harmony. Every- 
thing must be taken in its proper time, and no 
power neglected. The perception, the reason, 
the imagination, the memory, the moral powers, 
and even the passions, must all be trained with 
care. 

Now a partial or imperfect course of study can 
never do this. The mathematics are eminently 
^fcable for cultivating the perception and the 
reasoning powers. But they deal in absolute 
certainties, and their exclusive study would un- 
fit us for the various chances of life, where there 
is so much to be considered that is changeable 
and irregular. The study of history and the lan- 
guages should therefore always accompany math- 
ematics as a sort of antidote to their powerful 
bias ; and, also, as a means, in connection with 
literature and the arts, of refining and polishing 
our ideas. History will also teach us charity 
and compassion for the follies of mankind, which 
the rigid truths of mathematics would tend to 
make us despise. Philosophy will teach us the 
relations we bear to God and to each other, and 
also give us a more intimate knowledge of our- 



COLLEGE. 45 

selves. The natural sciences will teach us to 
admire the wonderful works of creation. But 
their influence again must be modified by the 
teachings of philosophy and theology ; else we 
might be tempted to consider only the grandeur 
of the creation and forget the Creator. 

We see, then, that the arrangement of a 
proper course of study is a matter of the highest 
importance, if we wish to become real scholars, 
using all the mind which Grod has given us, not 
a part. We can also see what a foolish thing it 
is for an inexperienced young man to attempt to 
arrange a course for himself, and still worse to 
follow no course at all. Wise men have thought 
carefully over all these matters for ages, and 
they have by degrees laid down a certain order 
of study which is commonly called a college 
course. What can be more wise in a young 
man than to follow such a course? He has 
before him the experience of ages telling him 
that it is the best method by which he can ob- 
tain the complete use of all his faculties. Why 
not take their experience against his inexperi- 
ence, and become an intellectual man so far as 
his natural powers will allow ? 

The young man who has done this has laid 
down the very best foundation on which he can 
build the success of after life, no matter what his 
occupation in life may be. His mind is now 
developed, and he can make any use of it he 
wishes. If he has not neglected his moral edu- 
cation he will be certain to make good use of his 



46 EXCELSIOR. 

cultivated mind, and thus be a good man, as well 
as a successful one in after life. 

Such an educated young man is ready for the 
world, [f he wishes to study law his well regu- 
lated mind grasps the principles of the science 
with rase, and he rises with rapid strides to emi- 
Qence and esteem. If lie prefers medicine, he is 
certain to become that good doctor whom every- 
body trusts. If he is fond of business, lie 
becomes a merchant prince. If he loves the 
broad acres of his native farm, he will double its 
products and beauties in a few years. If he is 
happy only near the altar of his God, he becomes 
a master in the science of the saints, and a 
powerful instrument in the hands of God for 
saving souls. Whatever his calling, he is emi- 
nent among his fellows, a leader in his society in 
every good and noble work. 

How fondly I do hope for that good time 
when every intellectual young man on entering 
college will be content with nothing short of a 
full, thorough course of study, with no dropping 
out of a class here and there, and then begging 
for a diploma to which he has no title ; instead 
of pressing on manfully till he can demand his 
diploma as a right, not as a favor, till his Alma 
Mater will be proud to bestow upon him her 
degrees and her benedictions. 

Then he will go forth into the world as a 
young man well prepared for the battle. Xow, 
too many go oui to seek the lower places in 
society, when they might be able to and should 



COLLEGE. 47 

take the highest. A few years spent in syste- 
matic study would make them men for life ; but 
they go forth half educated, and life is a weary, 
if not a vain struggle. I know there are a few 
exceptions ; a great genius will make himself felt 
in spite of all obstacles ; but the rule is, thorough 
education, or failure in life. 

My dear young friends, you that have the 
blest, God-given ambition within you, do not 
smother it. Educate, educate ; bring out the full 
powers of your bodies, minds and souls. Do not 
be content with a year or five months' education. 
You will meet thoroughly educated men in every 
walk of life, no matter what you choose ; and if 
you are not also thoroughly educated, you will be 
forced to take your place below them. These 
are golden years for you ; use them well. These 
years are rich with fruit; you have only to 
stretch forth your hand and it is yours. These 
are years of preparation ; and when your last 
college year comes to its close, let it leave you 
complete men, ready to do whatever God has in 
store for you. 



48 



EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTER IV. 




GOOD MANNERS. 

DUCATIOX, though all-impor- 
tant, is not the only thing neces- 
sary to secure success in life ; 
and hence it is not the only 
thing which needs your atten- 
tion while at college. Agree- 
able manners are no less essen- 
tial ; and they, in fact, when well 
understood, will be found to be 
but the refinement and comple- 
tion of a true education, so far as concerns our 
intercourse with our fellow men. 

And yet we meet every day with well mean- 
ing and intelligent persons who make very little 
of the rules of politeness, considering them as 
matters quite beneath their notice, and worthy 
only the attention of courtiers and dandies, and 
contending that a person of good heart, with a 
little common sense, may mingle in any society 
with perfect ease and propriety. It is true that 



GOOD MANNERS. 49 

every law of etiquette which merits the approval 
of an intelligent man, must have its foundation 
in goodness of heart and common sense ; but it 
is not true that every well meaning, sensible 
person will know what is proper to be done in 
good society, unless he has first learned what are 
the laws of that society. When an educated 
foreigner, of the best disposition, comes to this 
country, we make him wait for a certain time 
before allowing him the rights of citizenship. 
Why is this? It is because he does not under- 
stand the laws of the country, and we ask him 
to wait till we think he has had time to learn 
what they are. 

A nation is a number of people associated 
together for common purposes, and no one ques- 
tions the right of those people to make laws for 
themselves ; society is also an organized associa- 
tion, and has a perfect right to make laws which 
shall be binding upon all of its members. Now, 
what are called the rules of politeness are 
nothing more than the customs or laws of good 
society ; and no one, however fine his education, 
or however great his wealth, power, or fame, 
should feel himself wronged in the least if this 
society refuses him admission until he has made 
himself fully acquainted with its laws. If a 
person not a citizen of the United States, should 
attempt to exercise the rights of citizenship, he 
would find himself prevented from doing so by 
all the force in the power of the government ; in 
like manner, if a person should attempt to thrust 
5 



50 EXCELSIOR. 

himself into society in defiance, or in ignorance 
of its customs, he would find himself excluded 
by every influence which could be brought to 
bear againsl him. The laws of society are even 
more inflexible than those of any government 
or of any other association; Calhoun said they 
were like those of the Modes and Persians, al 
lutely fixed. Society can be neither bullied, 
bribed, nor coaxed. The bully is collared and 
taken out by force; the vulgar rich man finds 
that his money is accepted, but that he is 
laughed at ; and he who tries to coax himself into 
favor receives a kind advice; it is this, Wait 
awhile, sir; when you have learned what are 
the habits of individuals who move in good 
society, you may call again, and you will then 
find yourself welcomed with pleasure. For 
society, like the nation, is very glad to have 
new members ; it is particular only about the 
qualifications, not the number of its members. 
We may now see what a reasonable thing 
politeness is — the laws of the society in which 
we wish to move ; and we may also understand 
how simple it must be, when we reflect that 
these laws are based upon common sense. But, 
you may object, many of the rules of politeness 
have no sense in them. This is the answer to 
that objection: those so-called rules of polite- 
ness which are not based upon reason are not 
valid, they have no claim to your regard; they 
are like laws passed in violation of the constitu- 
tion, not binding upon any one; for reason is the 



GOOD MAN NEBS. 51 

constitution of the laws of good society. The 
customs of society which we are bound to follow 
are not artificial, but natural ; not arbitrary, but 
reasonable. Hence we must reject all customs 
of society which are opposed to reason, to justice, 
and to morality. 

It is evident, therefore, that we are not 
obliged to follow the whims of society, or the 
vagaries of fashion; for nothing can have less 
foundation in common sense than these ; and it 
is indeed one of the first proofs of an intelligent 
man to see him paying no attention to the 
extremes of whatever may be the prevailing 
fashion of the day. 

If it be the caprice of the hour to wear long 
coats, the man of sense will not wear his down 
to his boots and look like a youngster dressed in 
the robes of his grandfather ; if it be the fashion 
to wear short coats, he will not make a jacket of 
his and look like a horse-jockey. These, and 
such like follies, are no part of the requirements 
of good society, for they are not founded on 
reason. 

The same may be said of many extravagant 
opinions which are the special rage of the 
moment. Some persons are not in the habit of 
thinking for themselves, but believe a story 
because they find it in the newspaper, or because 
" everybody says so." Such persons are carried 
away by popular excitement and passions ; and 
are sure to believe in the latest nonsense ; to-day 
in Millerism ; to-morrow in Mormonism ; and, 



52 EXCELSIOB, 

next day, just as the people around thorn happen 
to think. Thus we Bee that, though it is quite 
proper to follow society so long as society follows 
reason, ye1 we musl always be on our guard 
againsl extremes, and not make simpletons of 
ourselves because our neighbors choose to do so. 
In other words, good manners do not require us 
to give up our common sense. 

Politeness, then, being but a system of reason- 
able customs, intended for our own good, we 
have only to learn what these customs are, and 
afterwards practise them ; just as it is necessary 
for a man who wishes to be a good citizen, to 
learn first what are the laws of the country in 
which he proposes to live, and afterwards obey 
them. 

The first thing required of us by the laws of 
society is 

Cleanliness. — Nothing is of more import- 
ance; even rags are preferable to dirt. A man 
may wear the finest linen and the richest cloths 
and furs ; he may have the intellect of Webster 
and the manners of Chesterfield ; but if his 
dress, his person, his conversation, or his Jtabits, 
are unclean, he is not fit to be a member of good 
society. 

That the dress may be clean it is necessary 
that the hat, coat, vest, pants, and boots, should 
be brushed well and often, and the underclothes 
changed at short intervals, especially in warm 
weather. But in this, as in everything else, we 
must not forget our standard of common sense. 



GOOD MANNERS. 53 

Beau Brummell, a celebrated English dandy, 
used to say that his rule was three shirts a day ; 
and I have seen some over-particular boys go to 
the wash-room as often as that to black their boots. 
But there is a better rule than that of numbers to 
follow in these things — brush or change your 
dress whenever it is soiled. Remember that 
new clothing is not necessary to the gentleman, 
but that cleanliness is. This is a necessity which 
was painfully impressed on the mind of the 
poor Welsh student, who wrote home to his 
mother, requesting her to send him eleven more 
shirts, as every gentleman at the University 
was expected to have twelve. All of the dress 
should be clean, but there are three articles 
which require especial care, otherwise they will 
become positive abominations ; these are : boots, 
stockings, and pocket-handkerchiefs. 

Cleanliness of person is of even greater conse- 
quence than cleanliness of dress, and its neglect 
is always inexcusable. If you have been out in 
wet weather your dress may have spots of mud 
and your boots may have lost their polish for 
the time, without any fault of yours; but there 
can never be any excuse for an unclean person 
so long as there is clean water to be had. 

To be clean in person, more is needed than 
simply washing the hands and face and combing 
the hair every morning. The feet must have 
constant care, as every one knows who has any 
sense of delicacy. To come into any company 
with dirty feet, even though they be covered 
5* 



51 EXCELSIOR. 

with the most polished calf, is an insult, an out- 
rage which can be neither forgiven nor for- 
gotten. 

Besides, no one can keep his person clean 
without bathing the whole body frequently, at 
least, during warm weather. If you have not 
the convenience of a bath-room, a basin of clean 
water, with a sponge and a rough drying towel, 
will answer very well. But some means of 
thorough bathing is an absolute necessity. 

The hair will also require attention to keep it 
free from dust, dandruff*, and other impurities. 
For this it should be well brushed and combed 
every morning; and, at short intervals, tho- 
roughly washed out with soap and water. 

Kemember also the nails ; those blue half- 
moons are not at all fair to look upon. The 
teeth, too, must be well brushed every morning. 
Soap and water are the best materials to keep 
them purified. 

When w r ashing and bathing, do your work 
well, use plenty of soap and plenty of water, and 
afterwards rub perfectly dry. For the health it 
is better than pills or powders; and for personal 
appearance it is preferable to jewels and fine 
clothes. 

But cleanliness requires something more than 
even stainless garments and a clean person. A 
man is more unclean and less fit to enter good 
society after having uttered one foul word than 
it' he were covered with mud irom the road- 
side. 



GOOD MANNEBS. 55 

Unclean conversation consists of profanity 
and vulgar expressions; and no one guilty of 
either of these vices, in public or in private, can 
be considered a true gentleman. If mud, dust, 
and dirt, which soil only the dress or the body, 
render us unfit for company, how much more 
unfit shall we be made by foul words, which 
defile the mind, the thoughts, the very soul, I 
can not conceive of a more despicable companion 
than a profane man, or a more loathesome one 
than a vulgar talker; you should avoid the 
former as you would a rattlesnake, and the latter 
as you would the most unclean thing that crawls 
the earth; if you are found in the company of 
either you should be ashamed to enter into the 
presence of your mother or your sister. 

A gentleman will avoid not only oaths and 
curses, but also unmeaning and silly expressions 
used by snobs, fops, and bullies, to show their 
smartness. He will avoid not only indecent 
language, but also low expressions of every kind. 
Carelessness in the choice of words and expres- 
sions is a sure sign of an ill-bred person. Even 
a habitual disregard of the rules of grammar 
marks the vulgar man. 

To be a gentleman, then, your language must 
be chaste, simple and correct. A well-bred per- 
son will not have five minutes' conversation 
with you without knowing well how you stand 
as a gentleman yourself. Your language is the 
mark of your character ; and by the words you 
use you show what are your familiar habits. 



56 EXCELSIOR. 

There are different degrees of impolite lan- 
guage: 

The most impolite words are vulgarisms. 

The next are profane expressions. 

Then boasting, talking about the faults of 
others, and all kinds of silly language. 

After that, bad grammar, mispronunciation, etc. 

With cleanliness of dress, of person, and of 
conversation, we shall possess the first require- 
ment of good manners, provided that our habits, 
our actions, are also marked by the same 
quality. 

Perhaps the most common habit of uncleanli- 
ness is that of performing one's toilet in public. 
This should be done with care at the wash-stand, 
in the bath-room, before the toilet-table, or in 
the dressing-room, — but never in public, unless 
you wish to appear extremely vulgar. 

I have heard of "a person of wealth who 
goes to church early, and is sure to take out his 
knife and cut and clean his finger-nails before 
service commences/' I have heard of ''another, 
who has a classical education, who in church 
uses his tooth-pick, not because his teeth need 
picking, but simply to keep himself occupied/' 
"Persons frequently work at the ears 'before 
folks.' I remember, when a child, seeing a 
woman in church put her little finger in her ear, 
elevate her elbow, and give it one grand 
shaking." Certainly those persons would have 
shown themselves more polite, to say the least, 
» had they performed their toilet at home, and said 



GOOD MANNERS. 57 

their prayers after going to church. Another 
very uncleanly and disagreeable habit Dickens 
amusingly refers to, in a sketch of his early 
recollections ; recalling one of his schoolfellows : 
■• The manners of Master Mawls were suscept- 
ible of much improvement ; whenever we see a 
child (and he might have added a grown person) 
intently occupied with its nose, to the exclusion 
of all other objects of interest, our mind reverts, 
in a flash, to Master Mawls." A truly graphic 
picture. 

Many persons are in the habit, in public, of 
combing their hair and whiskers, brushing their 
coat and hat, especially the latter if it is a 
beaver, arranging, the collar or neck-tie, (fee. All 
such habits are often disgusting, and always out 
of good taste, except in cases of real necessity, 
and then they should be performed as quietly 
and privately as possible. 

There are almost numberless habits which 
young persons contract without thinking, or 
because they do not know them to be in bad 
taste, but which are always disagreeable to per- 
sons of refinement. 

One of these is putting the hands into the 
pockets ; it is extremely improper to do so, 
besides it gives an ungraceful position to the 
body. But, you may say, my hands are always 
a bother to me in company. Not if you do not 
keep continually thinking about them. Let 
them alone, and they will assume graceful posi- 
tions themselves t But if you are always think- 



58 EXCELSIOR. 

ing about them and fidgeting with them to make 
them look more proper, you will be sure to do 
something with them which will betray you into 
an act of impoliteness, or at least of ungrateful- 
ness. Your hands were made to adorn your 
body and to perform useful actions, not to appear 
stuck on, or to perform silly offices. So don't 
put your hands into your pockets unless you 
want to put some article into the pocket or take 
some article out; don't keep running your hand 
over your face or through your hair unless there 
is something the matter with those parts of your 
body. Do not fidget with them in any way, 
playing with keys, knives, etc., as though your 
hands were things you did not know what to do 
with; but let them rest, lie, or hang naturally, 
without any particular care on your part, and 
then they will be always ready to execute your 
will. 

Other habits which scarcely bear mention are, 
biting the nails, and scratching or picking at any 
part of the body ; I need not say that all such 
practices are extremely disgusting. 

Habits akin to these are, soiling or injuring in 
any way the furniture or rooms in which we are, 
or with which we come in contact. Never enter 
a public hall, or a private room, a class-room, a 
dwelling-house, an office, or any place inhabited 
by respectable people, without first cleaning 
your boots. Neither is it a gentlemanly act to 
bring with you into any such place an umbrella 
streaming with water. It is equally improper to 






GOOD MANNERS, 59 

place your hat, coat, or any article of clothing, 
upon the furniture ; nor will you be considered 
to be a person of good manners if you put your 
feet upon the furniture, or the stove, lean back 
in your chair, or do anything else which can soil 
or injure anything around you. The truly polite 
man, remember, never shows the sole of his shoe 
except to the shoemaker. Clean your boots 
before you enter, and afterwards keep your feet 
flat on the floor, then that matter will be all 
right, and you will not be in danger of falling 
into that vulgar habit of putting the feet as 
high as the head, or of sprawling them all over 
the floor. 

A person will also make his company un- 
pleasant by using oils and perfumes too freely. 
The handkerchief may be rendered more agree- 
able by a drop of perfume, and the hair more 
beautiful by a little oil ; but a scentless handker- 
chief and clean, well-brushed hair, are in more 
simple taste for a gentleman, who should always 
follow nature and simplicity, rather than artifice 
and foppishness ; but if you will use ointments 
and perfumes beware of too much, or you will 
be in danger of following the example of the 
boy who, while exhaling all the odors of the per- 
fumery shop, cried out in the joy and pride of his 
heart, "If you smell a smell, that's me!" 

" Spitting and clearing the throat may some- 
times be necessary, even in public, but it should 
be done as quietly as possible, with the hanker- 
chief to the mouth." Spitting upon the floor, 



60 EXCELSIOR. 

whether it be in the parlor, on a stair-way, or 
even in a public room, is an intolerable off 
against cleanliness of which no real gentleman 
will ever be guilty. If you must spit, use your 
handkerchief or leave the room, and make as 
little noise as possible. Some persons seem to 
take a delight in hawking and spitting in public, 
as though they wished everybody to know what 
they were about ; or as though it was an agree- 
able occupation which they wished to keep up 
as long as possible; and then, after they get 
through, to mend the matter and cap the climax, 
they coolly inform you that they have caught a 
bad cold; certainly a very interesting piece of 
information, after they have disgusted you for 
five or ten minutes. 

The fact is that spitting, at best, is a disagree- 
able necessity; and, if it must be clone, the less 
noise and the less said about it the better. 

But what shall we say of the tobacco-spitter? 
AVhat a shame it is that we are obliged to men- 
tion this disgusting habit ! Can we conceive of 
anything more unclean with which respectable 
people are obliged to come in contact, in the 
daily intercourse of society? The very fact that 
some men, and intelligent ones at that, do chew 
tobacco, is a certain proof, if any were needed, 
that man is an animal. For surely never does 
he look more like a filthy beast than when he 
shows his mouth full of the half-liquid mistiness; 
and is not ashamed to spew it down the corners 
of his lips and even out upon the floor in our 



GOOD MANNERS. 61 

very presence. And when we come near him, 
the sense of smell is even more offended than 
that of sight had been. Such a man never 
breathes the pure air of heaven; the sweetest 
breezes of morning: £0 to his lungs tainted with 
the poison of his own mouth. He is degraded. 
No matter how high he stands, he could stand 
higher and purer than he does. that every 
youth would say from his heart, I will never sell 
myself to this devil, he shall have no power 
over me. But if you have sold your poor body 
to this dirty, spewing devil of tobacco, never let 
man, woman, or child know it. Chew the vile 
thing in secret, dark places, away from the light 
of day, and never be seen in public with the 
mark of your miserable slavery. Wash your 
mouth and lips, and try to clean your breath, 
before you come into the presence of ladies or 
gentlemen. Let no one whom you love or 
respect be pained and disgusted by seeing or 
smelling this filth about the person of their poor 
friend. 

Europeans highly inveigh against the intolera- 
ble practice of indecent American gentlemen who 
smoke and chew tobacco in presence of ladies, leav- 
ing behind them, in the cars, ferry-boats, depots, 
steamboat parlors, (fee, a disgusting river of to- 
bacco juice. A lady traveling in the East was 
so unfortunate as to be seated opposite a tobacco- 
spitter ; in the heat of discussion he did not cor- 
rectly measure the distance of his expectorating 
powers, and the accursed cud, juice, and all, fell 
6 



62 EXCELSIOR. 

upon her dress; he saw the accident without 
offering the slightest apology. It was too much 
of cool impudence to be endured; the lady r 
and quietly but firmly said: "You will please, 
sir, take back that deposit." He was compelled 
t«> do so at the expense of a dandy-white pocket- 
handkerchief. 

Smoking, though not at all so disgusting, is 
also forbidden in general company, by the rules 
of politeness. In some cities it is forbidden on 
the public streets, and in the parks and public 
gardens ; it is not allowed in public halls, respect- 
able steamboat cabins, in the presence of ladies, 
or in passenger cars. It is also forbidden in pri- 
vate parlors. Even though a lady should permit 
you to smoke in her presence it is impolite to do 
so ; it is also impolite to smoke in any apartment 
which is at any time occupied by general com- 
pany, even though no ladies should be there at 
the time. 

The taking of snuff is not an unclean habit of 
itself; but you must be careful to put it no 
where except into your nostrils. Do not scatter 
the dust over your own garments or those of 
your neighbors; and if you take it at table see 
that no particles sail away to light upon the 
food ; it is not pleasant seasoning. 

One more habit of uncleanliness and I have 
done with this Bubject. Never do anything 
which may deprive you of your senses; for if 
you d<>. you will be certain to act in some way of 
which you will be ashamed when you recover. 



GOOD MANNERS. 63 

No one, however polite and gentlemanly, can be 
sure of actions the moment he has lost the full 
control of his reason. Only yesterday I saw a 
man lying drunk on the muddy sidewalk, and a 
dozen dirty ruffians around him. I turned away 
in shame from the poor, lost wretch. What a 
pitiful object! Men rightly name him a beast; 
they do not use the word man. And is not the 
beast even his superior? The beast never de- 
grades his nature ; and is there any beast so un- 
clean as this poor object. 0, but, you say, I 
never was drunk and I never will be ; vdiat has 
this to do with me? Nothing at all, my dear 
young friend ; but see that you never break this 
manly resolution, and remember that that drunk- 
ard was once as resolved as you are now. He 
fell into the mud, and became filthy ; and he is 
not the only one. See, then, that you keep 
yourself clean. The temptation comes on little 
by little ; do not yield an inch. Never let the 
devil lead you into that hell ; if you do he will 
throw you into the mud, and then take you to 
the other hell below. The devil is on earth, 
and he keeps a little hell with him to practice 
the poor fools who go to him. He has different 
names in different languages and so has his hell. 
In English he is called saloon-keeper, and his 
hell is called saloon ; the fire gets several titles : 
Whiskey, wine, brandy, (fee. My dear young 
friends, resolve, with the help of God, that you 
will never taste liquor inside the door of a 
saloon. If I have but one young reader who is 



(VI EXCELSIOR. 

thankful to God for the mind, soul, and heart, 
which God has given him, \e\ him al least take 
this resolution, and nol Bell for a trifle his man- 
hood and his glorious prospects for the future. 

M y young friends, these arc some of the prin- 
cipal points connected with the chief requi- 
site of good manners, cleanliness. Remember 
thai no arts can make a man polite who is un- 
clean in either dress, person, conversation, or 
habits. 

You have another advantage if you attend 
fully to cleanliness — you have risen in the scale 
of manhood; you are a purer and better man; 
you are more sure of the love and assistance of 
your friends, more sure of success in life. 
Purity of dress, purity of body, purity of 
speech, and purity of habit, will surely bring 
with them purity of mind, heart, and soul; you 
will be a greater, a kindlier, and a better man. 

Xkatn ess. — After cleanliness, a becoming 
personal appearance requires that you should 
give your attention to the kindred quality of 
neatness. This quality, which means correct- 
ness and simplicity, in opposition to carelessness 
and extravagance, concerns chiefly the dress and 
the persona] appearance, but also refers to our 
speech, our actions, and in general to all those 
things over which we exercise any control, as 
the bouses in which we live, the grounds which 
we cultivate, our shops, offices, studies, and 
places of business, together with whatever we 
ao in these places, the merchant showing his 



GOOD MANNERS. 65 

neatness in tlie order and arrangement of his 
articles of merchandise, the book-keeper in his 
accounts, the mechanic in the products of his 
hand, the author in the manner of his composi- 
tion, the publisher in the style of the volumes 
he issues — each one, according to his pursuit, 
giving proof of whatever abundance or defici- 
ency of taste and neatness there is in him. 

To dress in a manner pleasing to those with 
whom we wish to associate, it is necessary that 
we should sail with them on the sea of fashion. 

But though, to maintain our place in the 
social w^orld, we must sail freely with the rest 
over this sea of fashion, yet we must never lose 
sight of the north star of good sense; else we 
shall dash with ten thousand other votaries upon 
the breakers, shoals, and quicksands, where so 
many become the daily sport of the fickle dame. 

Yes, you must be in the fashion, otherwise 
you may as well be out of the world ; for, after 
all that we may say against fashionable dress it 
is nothing more than the prevailing mode in 
which the world chooses to clothe itself; so 
that no one who does not live out of the world 
can live out of the fashion. You must, then, 
be ruled by fashion, and all that is left for you 
to do is to see to it that your ruler does not 
become a tyrant. You are a man, and have, 
therefore, been created with a free will ; you are 
an American, and have, therefore, been born 
with the privilege, as well as the right, of using 
this free will ; take care, then, that no tyrant, not 
6* 



66 EXCELSIOR. 

even fashion, lords it over you; use your own 
taste, or, it' you arc diffident of that, seled 
your patterns persons of acknowledged good 

sense, those who. although they always dress 

according to the prevailing mode, ape not after 

the newest styles any more than they stick' to 
the oldest; persons, in fact, who dress according 
to the dictates of common sense, whose dress 
attracts no special attention from any one, but 
is always neat and simple, neither new-fashioned 
nor old-fashioned. 

There are two extremes to be avoided — be 
neither a sloven nor a fop ; the one is too careful 
about his dress the other too careless. Here, as 
everywhere else, choose the golden mean. The 
sloven has little regard as to how his dress is 
made, cares not whether it fits well or ill, 
whether it is in the fashion or out of it; and 
when he puts it on, throws it over his body with 
the greatest indifference as to arrangement and 
good looks. Every thing about him is slouehy. 
His boots may be of the finest calf, but they are 
too large, and scarcely ever polished; his pants 
and coat may be of glossy broad-cloth, and his 
vest of white satin; but the pants are baggy, or 
so long that they go into the mud under his 
boots, or so short that his legs look like bean- 
poles, or so narrow that he goes by the name 
of spindle-shanks, and the coat and vest would 
suit any man, younger or older, taller or 
shorter, latter or leaner, just as well as they 
do him; his hat may be a choice beaver; but it 



GOOD MANNERS. 67 

is as large as Franklin's or as small as that of a 
dandy without brains ; or it is unbrushed and 
bent in and out in every shape, like a fierce 
highwayman's, His hair goes uncut for months ; 
and his beard is always ragged and untrimmed. 
These are all matters of the least consequence 
to him; his mind is above such trifles. 

Such is the sloven. Some call him untidy ; 
some say he is eccentric; but, by whatever name 
he is known, he is certainly no gentleman ; for 
a gentleman is always neat in his dress. 

The fop is exactly the opposite of all this; 
the other gives no attention to his dress — he 
gives to it all his attention. Everything about 
him is not only in the fashion, but it is in the 
very extreme of the fashion. The other is 
remarked by every one for his slouchiness ; he is 
remarked by every one for his lady-like prim- 
ness. It often seems a pity that he was not 
born a woman instead of being as he is, but 
half a man. How he would luxuriate in silks 
and satins, jewels, and pretty-colored ribbons ! 
The little manikin, how happy he would be in 
paints and powders and pomades, and how it 
would gladden his little dandy soul to pick out 
the newest-fashioned hoops and waterfalls ! 
Now, alas, he is forced to content himself with 
the latest style of boots, peg-bottom pants, 
swallow-tailed coats, Parisian hats, gloves, and 
such like. How he envies the ladies their 
greater privileges, with their thousand and one 
trinkets! But he makes up, so far as he can. 



68 EXCELSIOR 

by giving all possible attention to the cut and 

curl of his hair, the training of his downy 
whiskers and moustache, th< k sporting of rings, 
watch chains, and other fancy bits of jewelry ; 
but, more than all, to the color and arrangement 
of his neck-tie. 

You have heard, no doubt, of that n 
meeting of two young men, wheti one Baid: 

"Good morning, Jones, how do you manage 
it? You always have the fanciest and neatest 
neck-tie on Broadway; and your whiskers aie 
all perfection." 

"Well, I believe," replies the flattered youth, 
" they do look pretty well; but, you see, I give 
my whole mind to them." 

Now, it is very well to dress neatly: and had 
as it is to be a dandy, it is much worse to be a 
sloven; but when it comes to giving your whole 
mind to dress, as Jones does, the matter becomes 
ridiculous. 

We are men, and not peacocks; and he who 
depends for his manhood or his gentlemanliness 
upon his tailor, his barber, and his looking- 
glass, will never show in himself anything of the 
real man or the real gentleman. 

Those two characters, the fop and the sloven* 
despise each other heartily: the gentleman 
laughs to himself at them both, and takes the 
golden mean between them. His dress is plain, 
and Bimple, but always neat. .1 [e avoids jewelry 
of all kinds, wisely leaving that to the ladies. 
He avoids all brignt colored garments, even gay 



GOOD MANNERS. 69 

neck-ties. The ladies will take charge of the 
colors as well as of the jewels. Well-fitting 
garments, of such material as is suited to the 
occasion, are all that are necessary to the gentle- 
man who wishes to appear well-dressed, without 
vanity on the one hand or carelessness on the 
other. The following remarks in this connec- 
tion are worthy of your attention : 

"It is the duty of all men, young and old, to 
make their persons, so far as practicable, agree- 
able to those with whom they are thrown in 
contact. By this, we mean that they should not 
offend by singularity or slovenliness. Let no 
man know by your appearance what trade you 
follow. You dress your person not your busi- 
ness. Be careful to mould the fashion of the 
times to your own personal peculiarities. 
Fashion is to be your servant, not your master. 
Therefore never dress in the extreme of fashion. 
Only adopt it as far as is consistent with your 
face and figure. That which will become one 
man ill becomes another ; and for all to follow 
the same model, is obviously absurd. The ex- 
ercise of a little judgment on your part will 
enable you to adopt so much of the prevailing 
style in your dress as to show that you are 
acquainted with the fashion, without sacrificing 
your personal appearan.ee for the scrupulous con- 
formity to its laws. The best possible impres- 
sion you can make by your dress, is to make no 
separate impression at all, but to harmonize its 
material and shape with your own figure, so that 



70 EXCELSIOR. 

it becomes pari of you; and people, without 
llecting how you were clothed, remember 
that you looked well, and were dressed becom- 
ingly. 

"An objection may be urged here that atten- 
tion to dress is dangerous. We think not. 
Extravagance is dangerous, but extravagantly 
dressed people are seldom dressed well. We 
constantly meet multitudes of people dressed in 
every imaginable style. Here is one in the best 
of broad-cloth and the costliest jewelry, but who 
looks exceedingly vulgar ; here another, habited 
plainly, in good taste, is gentlemanly in his 
appearance at half the cost. Showy and flaring 
clothes argue mental poverty of the wearer. 
The secret of being w r ell dressed is but the exer- 
cise of judgment and good sense — it invariably 
requires more care than cash ; and instead of 
making a youn<* man extravagant, it is a saving 
of half the money it would cost to clothe him in 
the vulgar and pretending style which so many, 
now-a-days, unfortunately adopt." 

Manliness. — With due attention to cleanli- 
ness and neatness, you will present a respectable 
appearance in society; but if you attend to 
"only that, and nothing more/' you will be no 
better than a lifeless statue, a well dressed 
mummy, or, perhaps, one of Artemus Ward's 
celebrated "wax hiTners." 

lou are a man, and must, besides, look to 
your manliness. The difference between a wax 
figure and a man lies chieflv in the tact that one 



GOOD MANNERS. 71 

is alive and the other is not ; that one can speak 
and act while the other is dumb and motionless. 
Those unfortunate ladies who seem unable to 
speak or move in company, but keep their silent 
seats by the wall, are called wall -flowers ; and 
those unfortunate gentlemen who stand or sit 
around, in a similar predicament, may very well 
be called wax figures. 

Now these wall-flowers and wax figures may 
be the most estimable people in the world, they 
may have talent, wisdom, and even genius ; they 
may challenge our admiration for their good- 
ness ; we may love them as our most near and 
dear friends ; we may wish that we were half as 
worthy of their friendship and society as we 
know them to be of ours ; we may even feel that 
they care very little for our accomplishments, or 
perhaps despise them; and yet we pity them 
from our hearts, and would not for the world 
that we were so apparently helpless in society 
as they are. We feel instinctively that they 
are not real men and women when they come 
into company; they are well dressed, present 
a perfectly respectable appearance in every way, 
but have no life, no action, no speech ; they 
are, for the time, in spite of all their other 
good qualities, simply wall-flowers and wax 
figures. 

We exhibit our manliness in our conversation 
and in our actions; and in both of these the 
gentleman will show his manliness to be gentle- 
manliness. That is, the first quality of a true 



7:2 EXCELSIOR. 

gentleman is gentleness; for lie is & gentle man, 
not a boisterous or a rough one. 

Gentleness implies the possession of a good 
heart, one thai takes pleasure in the happiness 
of others, does everything thai may add to their 
pleasure or take away from their inconvenience, 
A gentleman will never say a word or commit 
an action which can give unnecessary pain to 
any one, man, woman or child, high-born or 
low-born, rich or poor. 

The man possessed of a little false politeness 
may show himself -well-mannered in presence of 
the accomplished, the great, and the wealthy; 
but the real gentleman shows himself well-man- 
nered in presence of all persons, without regard 
to race, birth, color or fortune. 

It is related of our great and good Washing- 
ton, that he never failed to return the bow of the 
poor old negroes, who loved to throng the places 
and streets through which he was wont to pass, 
and when some of his friends expressed their 
surprise, he made this noble reply: "Would you 
have me outdone by a negro in politeness?" 

A somewhat similar anecdote is recorded of a 
person of widely different character, George 
IV. of England, who is a striking example of 
the value of polished manners, in supplying, in 
a certain way and degree, the want of moral 
w >rth and intellectual abilities. 

Louis XIV., though a despot, Avas neverthe- 
less a gentleman of the firsi water, as indeed all 
his countrymen seem to be by nature. One day 



GOOD MANNERS. 73 

in passing out of his palace accompanied by a 
retinue of grandees, lie was saluted by a market 
woman, and gracefully returned the compliment 
by lifting his hat, to the no small astonishment 
of the courtiers. Those pretty gentlemen imag- 
ined that the king had degraded himself by the 
action ; but he rebuked them and honored him- 
self by saying: "Is not the king's mother a 
woman?" 

A like incident is related of our own Henry 
Clay, a genuine republican, as well as one of 
nature's noblemen, a true gentleman. Nature's 
noblemen are all gentlemen, whether they walk 
behind the plough or sit upon a throne. 

Mr. Clay, in company w r ith some friends, was 
met by an aged negro woman, who saluted him. 
He returned the compliment, and the gentlemen 
were of course greatly astonished, and enquired 
of the great man if he recognized negroes. The 
noble reply and cutting rebuke came quickly, "I 
do not suffer negroes to excell me in politeness ! ' ' 

The chief rule of politeness, in speech and 
actions, is the Golden Rule : 

"DoUNTO OTHERS AS YE WOULD THAT THEY 
SHOULD DO UNTO YOU." 

Whoever follows that rule will never offend. 
If you wish to know whether a certain word or 
answer is polite, ask yourself whether you would, 
under similar circumstances, be pleased to have 
the same word or the same answer addressed to 
yourself. If you wish to know whether a cer- 
tain action is well-mannered and pleasing to 
7 



74 EXCELSIOR. 

others, ask yourself if you would be pleased to 
have the same action done to yourself. The 
answers to these questions will show you what is 
right and what is wrong, what is polite and what 
is impolite, for you to do. 

One of the first requirements made of us when 
w r e enter any company is, to forget ourselves as 
individuals and remember that we are, for the 
time, only a part of the company. We must 
therefore do and say as little as possible that is 
not pleasing to all our companions. This makes 
it improper to form cliques or private parties in 
the general company. When w r e gather to- 
gether for amusement or recreation, all should be 
for all, so that all may be happy. No subject of 
conversation should be started which can please 
but two or three, or which may array one-half 
of the company against the other ; still less 
should you start or engage in a conversation 
which will wound the feelings of even one of 
your companions. By the very fact that you 
form a part of the company, you are bound to 
treat all the members as brothers. You must, 
for the time, lay aside all your pet notions, pri- 
vate affairs, and peculiar opinions on every sub- 
ject, if you have any reason to think that they 
will be offensive to any of those with whom you 
agree to associate ; you must, so to speak, merge 
yourself in the company, for the general happiness 
of yourself and that of each and every one of 
your friends. 

If it should happen that your conscience will 



GOOD MANNERS. 75 

not allow you to abstain from the expression of 
opinions which would offend, then it is your place 
to retire ; for you have no right to mar the 
pleasure of others by thrusting in by sheer force 
your own unwelcome ideas into a company that 
have collected for the purpose of social enjoy- 
ment. 

This rule applies to all social gatherings and 
promiscuous assemblages, where persons of dif- 
ferent parties and opinions meet together on a 
common footing, such as evening parties, dinners, 
public celebrations and holidays, when all the 
people come together, schools, colleges, &c. On 
these occasions, and in these places, people wish 
to enjoy friendly intercourse with their com- 
panions ; and no one will thank you for bringing 
up subjects of contention and dispute. Hence 
the gross impropriety, at these times, of per- 
sonal, religious, political, and other topics, which 
are sure to create misunderstandings and hard 
feelings. 

There are proper places for these matters. 
They may all be discussed in private conversa- 
tion. If you feel it your duty to correct the 
false ideas of a friend, you may speak to him at 
his leisure, and reason with him quietly when 
there is no longer any danger of disturbing or 
annoying others. Religious matters may be dis- 
cussed in this way, and also in the church ; politi- 
cal questions may thus be sifted, and also on the 
stump and in the halls of legislation ; as for per- 
sonal subjects of conversation, they are always 



76 EXCELSIOR. 

oul of place, except when treated with the utmost 

charily. 

It is a miserable state of society where the 
people are in a constant jar on these and similar 
subjects. Argument, indeed, is not conversa- 
tion, any more than is a duel or a game of chess ; 
like them, it is a contention, fit for only two 
contestants, and should never engage a whole 
company. 

Let us not forget, then, the first means of 
making our company agreeable. We must be 
all for all, no one for himself, but each one for | 
every one else. This is according to the golden 
rule ; for no one would wish his own feelings to 
be hurt or his presence disregarded by others. 

Another means of making; ourselves agreeable 
is courtesy. Being all to all is a general social 
requirement; courtesy is a special one, and 
refers to our politeness as shown to particular 
persons. Here, again, the golden rule is an 
admirable guide. Perform those action towards 
ethers, and only those, which you would have 
them perform towards you, or towards those 
whom you love. Treat a lady as you would 
have all men treat your sister, or your mother; 
treat a gentleman as you would have all persons 
treat your father, your brother, or yourself. 

By acting in this way you will avoid two 
faults. You will never be so r???polite as to be 
rude or uncouth, and you will never be so over 
polite as to be Billy and foppish. 

For instance, it is a very common habit to 



GOOD MANNERS. 77 

stare at strangers, and at whatever belongs to 
them. Some persons, on entering a parlor or a 
private room, travel around the apartment with 
their eyes, in such earnest scrutiny of every 
object, that a timid person would take them for 
sheriffs or policemen. You would not be pleased 
to have any one stare around your private rooms 
in such a way ; treat them as you would be 
treated. 

It is even more vulgar to stare at strangers 
themselves. I am sorry to say that this ill-bred 
habit is common with school-boys and girls, and 
even with full-grown students. A stranger 
comes to visit the place, or he is on business, 
and forsooth he must be stared right in the face, 
till the blood rushes to his brows in shame and 
anger. Would you be pleased to have your 
father thus gazed out of countenance by a gaping 
crowd, as though he were the man of the moon? 

But when it comes to ladies, it is shameful 
that young men's manly hearts do not teach 
them better. If you saw your sisters stared at 
in such a way, would not the hot, angry blood 
rush to your face ? A young man who respects 
his own mother will never stare at any woman, 
with his mouth open, like a gawk rooted to the 
ground, as though he never expected to see 
another daughter of Eve until the day of judg- 
ment. 

There is, of course, no harm in looking re- 
spectfully for a moment at any person or thing ; 
but to stand and gaze or stare is odiously vulgar. 
7* 



78 EXCELSIOR. 

Over politeness, though not so bad as impo? 

liteness, is extremely silly and unmanly. True 
courtesy springs from sincerity of heart and 

manliness of soul. An outside show of what we 
do not fee] is not politeness. All forced formali- 
ties, stiff and cold as winter, no matter how tine 
they may glitter, do not constitute true courtesy, 
which always comes fresh and warm from the 
heart. Do not try so much to show that you 
are polite as to feel so ; your politeness will then 
spring naturally into action. 

Yes, a good heart is here a matter of neces- 
sity. You must feel courteous in order to be 
so ; you must have charity and patience, to bear 
with the faults of others ; you must try to make 
the best, and not the worst, out of them ; every 
one has something good in him, if we can only 
find it out ; and how much pleasanter to look for 
what is good than for what is bad. "\Ye must 
learn to yield to others, at times ; pass over 
their whims, and remember that we are not per- 
fect ourselves ; pride is one of the chief marks 
of impoliteness, and must be subdued before we 
can appear true gentlemen. Xo one, whatever 
his worth or station, has any right to be insolent 
or disrespectful to his fellow-men. Let your 
politeness, then, be from the heart, and for 
every one. 

Let it also spring from a manly soul. Do 
nothing which is childish, affected or mean- 
spirited. Many persons are always waving 
their hats after the grandest fashion, bowing till 



GOOD MANNERS. 79 

their heads nearly touch the dust, and are alto- 
gether so excessively polite that we are never 
easy in their presence. Some have the happy 
art of performing these actions with much grace, 
and an appearance of naturalness which is ex- 
ceedingly charming; but, for the majority, they 
become stumbling blocks which make the unfor- 
tunate actors look either very awkward or very 
silly. They may well be dispensed with alto- 
gether. 

There are others who are forever cringing and 
fawning upon those who happen to be a little 
above them in the world. Never thus degrade 
your manhood. God has created you free, you 
are free-born, do not make of yourself a social 
slave. Be courteous, polite, gentlemanly with 
every one ; give to every one the honor due to 
him as a man, and the respect to which his tal- 
ents, worth, or position, entitle him. But do not 
fawn upon him, because he happens to have 
more money than has fallen to your lot, or 
because he chances to occupy a higher position 
in life than it has pleased God to give you; 
neither frown upon him, if he happen to be 
poorer, or chance to occupy a lower place than 
you. Fawning and frowning are both signs of 
a base mind ; be you a man and do neither. 

A good heart will impel you to all acts of kind- 
ness and courtesy towards others, whenever it is 
in your power to perform them. Some are very 
sure to do so towards strangers, but not towards 
their own friends. You will see them all kind- 



SO EXCELSIOF. 

ness and attention towards persons they meet in 

company, especially if those persons be ladies; 
this is most commendable, and shows the best 
kind of a disposition, provided they do the same 
for their own fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, 
and intimate friends. You will see others very 
respectful to those whom they consider their 
superiors or their equals, but sneering at those 
whom they deem their inferiors ; such persons 
are mean-spirited cowards, who take advantage 
of the weak and the helpless, but cringe, like 
base creatures as they are, before real men and 
women. No gentleman will take any advan- 
tage of the weakness or ignorance of any per- 
son, however poor and humble. The habit 
which some boys and young men have of ridi- 
culing one of their unfortunate companions is 
most despicable. 

There is nothing more important in life 
which requires more care, than this ability to 
carry ourselves easy, without insolence or ser- 
vility, as gentlemen among men. The impolite 
aristocrat struts along as though nature had 
made him superior to other men ; the impolite 
man of humble life holds down his head as 
though nature had made him inferior to other 
men : one sneers, the other fawns ; both think 
they are polite, but neither is so; the one is 
composed of the stuff of which despots are 
formed, the other of that degraded earth of 
which slaves arc made. 

The American will be neither tyrant nor slave. 



GOOD MANNERS. 81 

American politeness is essentially manliness, — 
respect for the aged, the venerable, and the good; 
disrepect for no one. American liberty is not 
the license to do as we please, regardless of the 
feelings and the rights of others. We respect 
all men simply because they are men ; and, 
besides, we respect them for their office or posi- 
tion, or for their worth. But in ail this regard 
for others we never forget the respect due to 
ourselves — and herein lies the golden means of 
liberty, and of politeness ; and here again do we 
find the whole matter summed up in the Divine 
Kuie : 

"Do AS YOU WOULD BE DONE BY." 

Table Etiquette. — -At table, more than any 
where else, we show what manner of men we 
are ; and he who can take his seat at dinner 
in a respectable company, and conduct himself 
there in a way creditable to himself and to his 
friends, may very well pass for an accomplished 
gentleman. Certainly, if, after having gone 
through this ordeal, he is seen to lack some of 
the gentilities of life in other places, they will 
be found to be quite insignificant, and not to 
alter his standard as a gentleman. 

The reason for this is, that at the table all the 
essentials of good manners are called into requi- 
sition, — cleanliness, neatness, and manliness, as 
exhibited in our personal appearance, our actions, 
and our conversation. These qualities are here 
especially necessary in the order in which they 
are named. Cleanliness, in all respects, is an 



82 EXCELSIOR. 

imperative necessity; in person, in dress, and in 
every thing you do or say from the moment you 
enter the dining-room till the moment you retire. 
Be nothing, do nothing, say nothing, which can, 

by any one, be considered, even in the slightest 
degree, unclean. 

If cleanliness inspires satisfaction with your 
appearance and conduct, and even respect for 
yourself, neatness compels, in addition to these, 
admiration ; and, if, besides, you show yourself 
possessed of manliness, you will elicit universal 
applause, and find yourself looked up to as a 
pattern of all that is excellent in the notion 
which men have of a real gentleman. How 
many a one refers the beginning of his success in 
life to the favorable impression which he first made 
at the table of a generous-hearted host or hostess. 

Table etiquette, in particular, is often consid- 
ered to be but a mere jumble of fanciful rules, 
entirely arbitrary, without a particle of necessity 
or of common sense at their base ; and, conse- 
quently, to be without the least claim upon our 
attention, except when we happen to take our 
meals in the presence of some one who is noted 
for his over attention to matters of politeness. 
But, on examination, you will find that this 
prejudice is without any foundation. All the 
rules of table-etiquette which are worthy of 
your attention, are, like the other rules of polite- 
ness, based upon common sense, and, like them, 
may be referred to one of the three heads of 
Cleanliness, Neatness, and Manliness. 



GOOD MANNERS. 83 

Manliness requires that you should avoid every 
thing which may displease or even unnecessarily 
discommode the host, the guests, or the waiters. 

If you are invited to be the guest of another, 
the first thing, then, which should engage your 
attention is — not to come too early ; for in that 
case you would be in the way, and your friends 
would probably feel bound to entertain you, at 
the expense of their own time and convenience, 
until meal-time ; besides, you might excite the 
suspicion that you came so early to make sure 
of the feast — a certain sign of greediness. 

Neither must you arrive too late ; for then 
you will disturb everybody, and make of your- 
self a nuisance ; but try to be just in time. 
Punctuality, even to the moment, is the rule of 
gentlemen as well as of great men. 

If the entertainment be a ceremonious one, 
you may be requested to take a lady in charge, 
to whom you will give your left arm, passing 
before her as you step into the dining-hall, 
where you will give to her your constant atten- 
tion, seeing that all her wants are supplied, and 
this, of course, whether she be a young lady or 
one advanced in years, a friend, or a compara- 
tive stranger. The true gentleman treats all 
ladies with marked deference and respect, and if 
he makes any difference in his attentions it is in 
favor of the elderly, the helpless, and those who 
appear to be slighted or neglected by others. 
Never urge a lady to take wine with you, offer- 
ing it once is sufficient. 



84 EXCELSIOR. 

In taking your seat at table you will follow 
the customs of the place, and the wishes or ex- 
ample of your host or hostess. 

While grace is saying, whether your belief is 
the same as that of your host or not, you should 
bow your head, in token of respect, and ask 
God's blessing yourself. The object of religion 
being the honor of the Creator, everyone should 
be respectful and attentive during any of its 
exercises. 

Many persons show themselves awkward in 
taking their seat, or afterwards in sitting; at 
table. Be seated with ease, without rattling 
your chair; not so far from the table as to 
endanger your dress in taking food or drink, nor 
so near as to press against the table and shake it 
at every movement of your body. Unfold your 
napkin and lay it across your knees, never 
pinning it over your breast like an alderman or 
a slobbering infant. 

After you have taken your seat, "try to sit 
easily and gracefully, but at the same time avoid 
crowding those beside you." Keep your elbows 
off the table ; and make as little noise as possi- 
ble with your knife and fork, or any of the 
dishes, moving your hands with care so as to 
avoid any awkward or disagreeable action, such 
as spilling water, tea, or coffee, or any liquid, 
dropping pieces of food, or scattering anything 
on the cloth, overturning cups, dishes, glasses, 
&C>; all of which are excessively annoying to 
those seated at table, and bring shame to your- 
self. 



GOOD MANNERS. 85 

Should any accident occur, however, try to 
retain self-possession, and do not make it worse 
by a frightened fussy attempt to repair it, but 
do calmly what, under the circumstances, can be 
done, and show quiet concern for any injury that 
may have been done to the apparel of those near 
you. 

Be sure to make no noise in chewing or sup- 
ping your food ; and do nothing which may in 
any way show haste, greed, or vulgarity. Some 
persons disgust a whole table by their offensive 
manner of taking their food. ' You may hear 
them across the dining-room, slopping and grind- 
ing like — certainly not like gentlemen ; or, if you 
are so unfortunate as to look their way, you will 
see their mouths so full as to make them red in 
the face ; and when they begin to try to swallow, 
you fear there is danger of suffocation. Others are 
guilty only of using their own knife for the but- 
ter and salt, putting their fingers into the sugar- 
bowl, blowing their tea, coffee, or soup, drinking 
before wiping their lips, and thus greasing their 
glasses, or, perhaps, rolling up their coat-sleeves 
and wristbands, as if they were preparing for 
earnest work. All such habits are excessively 
disgusting and unclean. Do not break bread in 
your soup nor tip your plate ; sip your soup qui- 
etly from the side of the spoon, and not the 
point. Never refuse soup — it is rude. It is ill- 
bred to accept everything that is offered you. 
Do not take a second time of soup, fish, pastry, 
or pudding. 



86 EXCELSIOR. 

To but up all the meat on your pL if it 

wer< a child, or for a person with a lame 

hand, would be a mark i liness. 

Dry bread should be broken as it is wanted, 
and put into the mouth with the fingers; n 
cut with the knife, nor kitten from the roll or 
slice, unless it is buttered. 

Eat not so fast as to be waitingfor others, nor 
so slowly as to keep others waiting for you: and 
never call twice for any dish that may cause 
unnecessary delay. 

Partake sparingly of delicacies and of all arti- 
cles which are served in small quantities, always 
declining them when they are offered a second 
time. 

Avoid picking out choice pieces of food ; oth- 
ers may also have their preferences. You may 
often hear ill-bred persons say -'that is just my 
favorite bit/' as though they only had a right to 
all "favorite bits." S li an ignorant, selfish per- 
son will sometimes overturn a plate of bread to 
get at the bottom piece, because, forsooth, he is 
fond of a well-baked crust or of a nice soft piece. 
Selfishness at table is the most unmanly trait 
which can be shown, and puts the people guilty 
of it at once on a level with these brutes which 
quarrel over their feed. 

Yet if your host should ask what portion you 
prefer, state your pn ■ freely and at once; 

for his request is intended as a compliment to you, 
which it would be rude on your part to disregard. 

Never pass remark.- upon the food which is 



GOOD MANNERS. 87 

placed before you ; if you dislike any dish, decline 
to partake of it, but say nothing about it ; espe- 
cially do not give your reasons why it is dis- 
tasteful to you, for they may disgust instead of 
edify the company. Neither spend much of your 
time in praising any dish, no matter how fond 
you may be of it, unless you wish to be taken 
for an epicure. Taking food is, in reality, an 
animal and sensual gratification, and it does not 
become a man, possessed of an intellect and of a 
moral nature, to spend his time talking about the 
feeding of his body. It is said that man was 
made a little lower than the angels ; but these 
food-talkers seem to have been made a little 
higher than the beasts. 

Do not talk while your mouth is full. 

Do not fill your plate too full ; but if it is sup- 
plied by your host, take what he gives, without 
any observations on the great or the small 
amount, unless he be a very intimate friend and 
there be no strangers present. Never, indeed, 
take any undue liberties in talking or acting at the 
table of another, so as to make yourself the prin- 
cipal personage, unless your host desires you to 
do so. Those would-be smart people who take 
these liberties, and imagine that they are acting 
the part of fine gentlemen, are much mistaken. 

Many persons who have come to the use of 
their reason seem to be ignorant of the purposes 
for which knives, forks, and spoons are made. 
For their information, I would say that knives 
are made to cut food, not to carry it to the mouth, 



88 EXCELSIOR. 

forks being intended for thai purpose; and spoons 
are made to carry liquids from the plate to the 
mouth. So, do not puj a knife into your mouth, 

unless you wish to cut yourself; except in case 
the fork is bo small as to be inconvenient, when 
the knife is excusable on the plea of necessity, 
which knows no law. 

Use a dessert spoon in eating tarts, puddings, 
curries, etc. Cheese is eaten with the fingers; 
also, dry and fresh fruit. Apples and pears are 
cut into quarters before paring, peaches and apri- 
cots are split in the middle, and the stone is 
removed with the point of the knife. Small 
fruits, such as plums and cherries, are put into 
the mouth whole, and the stones deposited in 
the hand closed. 

Do not use your own knife or fork to help 
yourself or others to butter or anything else ; use 
the one beside the dish. 

Eggs in the shell must be opened at the large 
end, not with the knife, which must never come 
near them, except for salt, but with the prongs 
of the fork, or, better still, with a small spoon. 
With this the salt and butter are mixed in the 
egg. The shell must be broken up and left on 
the plate. 

If you wish to cough, spit, or sneeze, turn your 
head from the table and use your handkerchief, 
putting it again immediately into your pocket. 

Never use your napkin as a hankerchief; it is 
intended for the lips and the fingers. 

It. is rude to put bones, potato-peelings, cfec, 



GOOD MANNERS. 89 

on the table-cloth ; to crack nuts with the teeth 
at table; to take from the table candies, nuts, 
fruits, &c. 

Do not leave the table before your host. 

Finally, eat and drink with moderation; nei- 
ther too fast nor too much. Many persons have 
begun a career of intemperance at the social table 
of a dear friend. Many a dyspeptic ow^es his 
disease to the same happy occasion. 

After enjoying the hospitality of another's 
board, it is not in good taste to depart imme- 
diately, as though you were indeed a boarder ; 
besides, health requires that you should, rest from 
all serious cares for some time after taking a 
hearty meal. Says a wise old saw : 

" After dinner rest a while, 
After supper walk a mile." 

Such are the principal laws of table etiquette, 
whose observance is required of you by society ; 
and you may see that they are all truly nothing 
more than a man of delicacy and good sense 
would, be apt to practice without any instruction. 
Indeed, your own good disposition and common 
sense must always be your guide, both in these 
matters which I have mentioned and in s all oth- 
ers which may require your attention. Differ- 
ent places and different people have different 
customs, and this common sense of yours must 
be ever quick to notice what are the particular 
customs of the people in whose company you are 
for the time. Not that I would have you slav- 
ishly copy the habits of others, but only modify 
8* 



90 EXCELSIOR. 

your own by theirs; provided always, that there 
is nothing opposed to delicacy and good sense in 
what they do. But there is in good manners a 
wide margin, which allows perfect freedom of 
taste to all persons; so that the peculiar idiosyn- 
cracies of each one may find full expression, 
without necessarily betraying him into any ex- 
travagance or vulgarity. The French, English, 
Germans, Belgians, Americans, Ac., have each 
their special ways of doing many things; as also 
have those in humble and those in easy circum- 
stances, as w T ell as all the different classes of 
social life. 

The gentleman will conform himself, with an 
unerring instinct and a delicate tact, to the ways 
of the societv in which he finds himself. He 
makes himself at home in the cottage as well as 
in the brown-stone mansion; always easy, never 
embarrassed ; neither oppressed by the splendor 
of the wealthy, nor inconvenienced by the scant 
accommodations of the poor; taking fine halls 
and furniture, rich carvings, splendid paintings, 
beautiful statues, refined ladies and gentlemen, 
charming music, delicate viands, and elegant 
accommodations of all kinds, or poor but hon- 
est and intelligent men and women, with plain 
fare and the best accommodations which they 
can provide, all as matters of course. He is 
happy, and acts as equal with equals, in both 
places; and, departing from each, he leaves be- 
hind him the memory and the name of gen- 
tleman. 



GOOD MANNERS. 91 

One who does not do this, who apes after the 
grand ways of some people, and shows off his 
superfine politeness before others, or acts in any 
odd manner, will soon be noticed in all compa- 
nies as a vulgar upstart. 

Take the instincts of a good heart for your 
guide, hold fast to the dictates of common sense, 
and let it never slip out of your head that all 
men are brothers — you are equal to the highest 
and not above the lowest. 

Peactical Hints. — " The difference between 
the gentleman and the clown consists, not in 
rank, wealth, education, or even intelligence, but 
rather in a thousand little things." The follow- 
ing hints, therefore, though each one may seem 
quite insignificant, form, when taken together, a 
code of laws almost as worthy our attention as 
those which are found in the statute book. 

When talking with strangers, or in their pres- 
ence, no not take it for granted that they think 
as you do. I have known persons to speak with 
violence against a certain religion, or a certain 
party, or a certain man, and you may imagine 
their feelings wdien they afterwards learned that 
the strangers with whom they had conversed 
were warm friends of those against whom they 
had spoken with such ill-timed zeal. 

When obliged to refuse a request, do so with 
as much gentleness and kindness as possible. 
Horace speaks of the "suaviter in modo" — gen- 
tleness with Jirmness — truly a gentleman's motto. 
You must be firm, and learn to say the little 



92 EXCELSIOR. 

words u yes M and "no" when necessary: but say 
them in an agreeable manner. All persons can 
say "yes" as a gentleman would; but it takes 
the gentleman himself to say "no" so kindly 
that you would prefer it to another man's "yes." 
In truth, it is more delightful to be refused by 
some persons than to obtain our request of 
others. 

Do not whistle in company or in public places. 
Last summer I met a music-teacher every day, 
who used to wdiistle in my face and in that of 
everybody whom he passed on the street. 

Do not drum with the feet or the fingers. It 
is a rude habit, of which thoughtless persons are 
often guilty, without meaning any harm. 

Playing with the pocket-knife, jingling keys, 
loose change, (fee, are faults of a like character. 

Do not make a parade of your jeivelry, watch, 
or other valuables. If you wish to see what is 
the time of day it is not necessary to take par- 
ticular pains to show that you carry a fine time- 
piece. 

In company do not look repeatedly at your 
luatch, even in a quiet manner ; to do so will not 
be taken as a compliment to your friends, who 
will suppose that you are weary of their society. 
There is no harm, however, in looking at your 
watch, if it should be necessary for you to leave 
at a certain time, to take the cars, for instance. 
Be guided, as usual, by good sense. 

" Loud talking in public places is very rude. 
Little parties should keep their personal conver- 



GOOD MANNERS. 93 

sations to themselves. Nothing shows good 
breeding more than a quiet manner, a mellow 
voice, and the decor ousness and gentleness which 
accompany that style of speech." 

" Never stand and talk in the open door when 
you propose to go. We have seen a delicate 
lady rise to dismiss her company, after they had 
reached the door and must go right away; we 
have seen such a lady stand till she turned pale 
with fatigue or cold, while the visitor, ruddy and 
strong, would stay for ten minutes to say just 
one word more, and then stop again in the hall, 
and again on the steps, and again on the side- 
walk. When you have decided to leave, be off 
at once." 

"At the entrance of a visitor you should rise, 
unless you are a professional man in your office." 

"Swinging in, or tilting ones chair, is ex- 
tremely ill-bred," 

Staring at others, especially with an eye-glass, 
is impertinent. 

To follow a lady in the street, or turn to stare 
at her, is the mark of a ruffian. 

Swearing, or improper speech of any kind, is 
a sure sign of an ill-mannered man. 

" Calling to the waiter with a loud voice, in a 
public room, and striking violently on the table, 
are indications of extreme ignorance." 

Asking many questions and telling long sto- 
ries would soon make you an intolerable bore in 
society. 

In doing a friendly act for another, do not 



94 EXCELSIOR 

make him feel how obliging you axe. An En- 
glishman once offered bis coal to a shivering 
companion. "It keeps me very comfortable," 
said he, "and I know it will make you warm." 
"No, lake mine," said a Frenchman, who was 
standing by, 4i I do not need it; I am very warm 
without it." The Englishman was kind but not 
polite; the Frenchman was both. 

"Introduce no person until you are sure it is 
agreeable to both parties. Introduce gentlemen 
to ladies, not ladies to gentlemen, and younger 
persons to those wdio are older — the lesser always 
to the greater." 

As for the/o?"??i of introduction, you may say, 
11 Mr. Jones, let me introduce to you Mr. Smith ;" 
or, ' 'Allow me to present to you Mr. Smith;" or, 
"I have the honor (or pleasure) to present to you 
my friend, Mr. Smith;" or, more simply, "Mr. 
Jones, my friend, Mr. Smith." 

Remember that "too much familiarity breeds 
contempt;" be satisfied with friendly relations, 
without becoming too intimate. "Distance lends 
enchantment to the view." There are none of 
us perfect; besides, w^e should respect the per- 
sonality of our friend, as being something sacred 
between himself and his Maker. No one can 
have more than one or two very near friends, 
even though he should be acquainted with all the 
world. 

Do not be guilty of practical jokes. It is very 
poor wit which wounds another's feelings; and no 
gentleman will indulge in it, however tempting. 



GOOD MANNERS. 95 

Do not leave a stranger without a seat; but 
never offer your own, if there is another in the 
room. 

Always take off your hat in the presence of a 
lady. Many persons neglect this in public halls 
where ladies are present, but. it is a mark of im- 
politeness. 

In public places it is not necessary to salute 
an acquaintance the second time you meet him. 

Do not tire others with long stories about your 
own troubles or affairs. 

Never receive a favor without at least a 
" Thank you," or pass before another, step on a 
dress, or commit any blunder by mistake, with- 
out at least an "Excuse me." 

Here are twenty-one things by which many 
persons show themselves ill-mannered : 

" Boisterous laughter. 

" Reading when others are talking. 

" A want of reverence for superiors. 

" Receiving a present without some manifes- 
tation of gratitude. 

"Making yourself the topic of conversation. 

" Laughing at the mistakes of others. 

" Joking others in company. 

11 Correcting older persons than yourself, espe- 
cially parents and superiors. 

"To commence talking before others are 
through. 

" Answering questions when put to others. 

" Commencing to eat as soon as you get to the 
table. 



96 EXCELSIOR. 

"Whispering or talking loudly in church, 
at a lecture or concert, or leaving before it is 
closed. 

" Gazing at strangers, or listening to the con- 
versation of others, when not addressed to your- 
self, or intended for your hearing. 

"Reading aloud in company without being 
asked, or talking, whispering, or doing anything 
that diverts attention* while a person is reading 
for the pleasure of the company. 

" Talking of private affairs loudly in cars, 
ferry-boats, stages, or at a public table ; or ques- 
tioning a person about his business or his per- 
sonal and private matters anywhere in company, 
especially in a loud tone. 

"In not listening to what one is saying in 
company, unless you desire to show contempt for 
the speaker. A well-bred person will not make 
an observation while another of the company is 
addressing himself to it. 

"Breaking in upon or interrupting persons 
who are engaged in business. 

11 Peeping from private rooms when persons 
are passing, coming in or going out. 

11 Cutting or biting; the finger-nails in com- 
pany, picking the teeth, scratching the head or 
pulling hairs therefrom. 

" Handling articles in a private room or office, 
asking their price, use, etc., or touching or read- 
ing any written paper; it is a great imperti- 
nence." 

Never stand talking with a friend in the 



GOOD MANNERS. 97 

middle of a sidewalk, making everybody pass 
around you ; and never skulk along on the left- 
hand side, but "take the right" in all cases, 
unless you meet a lady on a narrow walk, when 
you may take the outside. Two persons abreast 
meeting one person, should not sweep him off into 
the mud ; but the nearest should fall back a step 
and pass in single file. When two walk to- 
gether, and it is necessary for one to precede the 
other, the general rule is, that the one deserving 
of most attention precedes, unless there be danger 
or uncertainty ahead. The young man steps 
aside, bows, and allows the lady, or the clergy- 
man, or the older man, as the case may be, to 
pass on — but if his companion be fearful or 
ignorant of the way, he will baw, and pass ahead 
himself — that is, he will give his companion the 
most honorable place, unless that be the post of 
danger, in which case he will boldly assume it 
himself. 

Pass before a lady going up a flight of stairs ; 
allow her to precede you in the descent. 

Keep good company, or none. 

Never break your engagements ; a gentlemen's 
word should be as sacred as an oath. 

Never fail to apologise when guilty of a fault; 
pride in this respect has destroyed many warm 
friendships. 

Do not take up the time of your friend, by 
sitting and talking ; he may have pressing need 
of the moments you are wasting, and wish you 
were in the Sandwich Islands. 
9 



98 EXCELSIOR. 

"Never speak of a man's virtues before his 
face, nor of his faults behind his back." 

You should lift or at least touch your hat 
respectfully with the right hand, on meeting an 
acquaintance, especially if a clergyman, a lady, 
or an elderly person. 

Do not, without permission, sit or remain 
covered in the presence of these latter persons or 
any other superior. 

In passing, you should allow a lady or an old 
person to take the inside of the walk, when the 
outside might be dangerous ; otherwise you may 
follow the general rule, "turn to the right." 

A gentleman's conduct towards ladies is 
marked by respectful, not familiar, acts of polite- 
ness. 

It is a sign of a bad heart, as well as of bad 
manners, to show a want of consideration for the 
feelings of others. Do not, therefore, laugh at 
the mistakes of others, or try to ridicule them 
by drawing attention to their faults or blunders; 
rather strive to correct your own. 

I have now given you a brief outline of the 
requirements of good manners. Your common 
sense and gentlemanly disposition to do what is 
proper, must supply what I have omitted. 

You will learn by-and-by, what a wonderful 
help these good manners are in passing through 
life. It is the polite merchant that grows 
wealthy; the polite lawyer that has his hands 
full of cases; the polite physician that has a 
large practice; the polite statesman that rules 



GOOD MANNERS. 99 

his country; and even the polite minister of God, 
that wins most souls for Heaven. 

Without politeness, talent is nothing, educa- 
tion is nothing, strength is nothing, beauty is 
nothing, wealth is nothing, rank is nothing, and, 
in this country, even power is nothing ; with it, 
they are everything, and even though they be 
lacking, it will win a way for you into the most 
refined circles of society, and be, of itself almost, 
the means of obtaining for you happy success in 
life. 



100 



EXCELSIOR. 



CHATTER V. 





CONVERSATION. 

^Conversation is a matter of 

so much interest to all men. as 
social beings, and of so much 
importance to young men who 
hope to succeed in the world, 
that I have thought it worthy 
of a separate chapter. 

This accomplishment is to 
some persons a gift ; like the 
poet, they are born with their glorious po\v> 
But many who converse intelligently and pleas- 
antly have become masters in the art by patient 
care and study; and all persons of even ordinary 
abilities would find, if they made the effort, that 
conversation, like every other accomplishment, 
is an art to be acquired as well as a gift of 
nature. 

The ]..»rt is indeed born; but, in spite of the 
proverb, he is also made. It is true, that from 
s«»wing mullen seeds we shall not gather 



CONVERSA TION. 101 

but it is. equally true, that if we plant the seed 
of the rose in barren ground, and leave it to 
grow without care, it will no longer be the queen 
of the garden. In like manner, the greatest 
genius, without the circumstances and training 
which bring out and cultivate his powers, could 
never become the poet, the artist, the orator, the 
statesman, whom we revere. 

So with all the good things of civilized life ; 
they are in part the gift of nature, and in part 
the fruit of culture. The poet is born and made, 
the orator is born and made ; and the conversa- 
tionalist is no exception — he, too, is born and 
made. 

Study, then, to acquire the power of convers- 
ing freely and. agreeably with your friends and 
the companions you may meet in society. Na- 
ture has given you as it were the rudiments of 
conversation ; it is in your power to develop this 
gift until you become perfect master of your 
speech, in all places, with all persons, and under 
all circumstances. Not that it is w r ell to talk 
always ; for, according to the proverb, speech is 
silver and silence is gold ; but it is well to be 
able always to say the right word in the right 
time. Excessive talking on silly subjects is very 
tiresome; but dull silence is also tiresome. The 
young man who is trying to rise in the world 
must understand when to be silent, for silence is 
often very necessary ; but he must also under- 
stand when and how to speak, for speech is often 
still more necessary. 
9* 



102 EXCELSIOR. 

For your words, I would advise you to take 
the plain out-spoken English, not troubling your 
bead whether it comes from the Saxon or from 
the Latin; but attending only to the fad that it 

is simple, elegant English^ which all persons can 
understand. Avoid every low or vulgar word 
and expression as you would unclean food; plain- 
ness is not 'vulgarity. Pronounce every word 
correctly; if you have forgotten how, do not use 
the word until you have looked into your dic- 
tionary. Make no grammatical blunders ; if you 
arc not sure of yourself, consult your grammar. 
Purity of language is the first requisite for 
agreeable and entertaining conversation. Note 
these three marks of vulgarity in pronouncing 
words: 1st. Not sounding vowels distinctly 
and correctly. 2d. Mispronouncing proper 
names. 3d. Not pronouncing big at the end of 
words. 

For further hints and advice to those who wish 
to improve their conversational powers, I cannot 
do better than to refer them to the following ex- 
cellent remarks of a recent writer,* who "insist-, 
from his own experience, that conversation is an 
art as well as a gift ; and that where it is not a 
gift, the deficiency may be more surely supple- 
mented by art than almost any other:" 

"I will ask you to consider that single depart- 
ment of speech, which we call conversation. Did 
you ever think how great a power in the world 

* The author of a M Letter to a Silent Friend," in the Atlantic 
Monthly for August, lSoo. 



CONVERSATION. 103 

this is? See how early it begins ..to- shape our 
opinions, our plans, our studies, our tastes, our 
attachments, etc. I remember that a casual re- 
mark, dropped in conversation by a beloved and 
revered relative, long before I had entered my 
teens, made me for years feel more kindly to- 
wards the much-abused natives of the Emerald 
Isle, though I have no doubt that she whose 
word I had listened to with so much deference, 
was entirely unsuspicious of having lodged such 
a fruitful seed in my memory. If you can re- 
call the formative periods of your own life, I have 
no doubt you also will find hundreds of similar 
instances, where a new direction was given to 
your sentiments and purposes by some quite 
random words of friendly and domestic thought. 
Consider how large a part of the life of most 
human beings is spent in society of some sort, 
and then reflect how that society is bound to- 
gether and constituted as it were by familiar 
speech, and you will begin to appreciate the ex- 
tent of the power of conversation. Compare this 
power with' that of written language — as books, 
letters, <£c, or even with more formal spoken 
language, such as orations, sermons, and the 
like — and I think you will allow that it sur- 
passes them all in its diffusion and its perma- 
nence. We talk to keep up good feeling, to en- 
liven the else dull hours, to give expression to 
our interest in one another, and throw off the 
burden of too much private care and thought. 
We have also in special cases more serious ends 



lol EXCELSIOR. 

in view, when we talk to reprove or encourage, 
to console or arouse. Conversation establishes a 
persona] relation between yourself and another 

soul. You can bide you thoughts under your 
words, if you choose to be a hypocrite; but I 
am taking for granted that you arc a man of 
truth, — 'a man of your word/ as the common 
phrase happily has it. 1 assume that you would 
be glad to talk, because you wish to form sin- 
cere and friendly relations with your fellow men. 
/Silence is unsocial: there lies its condemnation. 
True social feeling, true warmth and cordiality, 
naturally expresses itself in words. I have no- 
ticed that a great deal of taciturnity comes from 
a distrust or suspicion that our words may be 
misconstrued, or that they may not be appre- 
ciated, or that they may chance to give serious 
offense. Now, in my opinion, one had better 
make innumerable blunders than indulge such 
unworthy fears and suspicions. A little less 
vanity, and vastly more courage and self-forget- 
fulness — such is the remedy to be administered 
to many of the taciturn. 

" And what, after all, constitutes the charm 
and the power of conversation, and makes it so 
desirable an attainment? Not, certainly, the 
amount of knowledge one can bring into play; 
for, as 1 have already shown, instruction is a 
secondary object of conversation; and it is well 
known also that some of the most learned and 
best informed men have been very poor talkers. 
But neither can you rely upon brilliant talents, 



CONVEBSA TIOJW 105 

or original genius, or even upon wit and humor, 
to make the most charming converser. The 
qualities more immediately in requisition for this 
end are moral and social. Truth, courage, def- 
erence, good-nature, cheerfulness, sympathy, 
courtesy, tact, charity — these are ingredients of 
the best conversation, which it would seem that 
no one need despair of attaining, and without 
which, in large measure, the most brilliant wit, 
the liveliest imagination must soon repel rather 
than attract. And observe also, in connection 
with this, that it is not so much the words which 
a man utters as the tones of his voice which ex- 
press these moral and social qualities. Harsh, 
rude, blunt, severe tones will spoil the greatest 
flow of ideas or the utmost elegance of lan- 
guage. . . . Some cynical or unsocial char- 
acter, deeming himself superior to the vulgar 
vacuity and insipidity, will take no part in the 
every-day talk, which deals so largely in com- 
monplace and truism. 'Absurd waste of time 
and breath!' he exclaims. 'Of what use this 
incessant harping on the weather, or the renewed 
inquiries after one's health, or the utter point- 
less, if not insincere, exchange of daily civilities? 
Who is the wiser for it? What possible good 
can it do anybody ?' Let us look a little at this, 
Mr. Cynic. You think it a waste of breath to 
greet a friend with a 'good morning,' or to give 
your testimony to the beauty of the day? Of 
course you are right, if one should never open 
his' mouth hut to impart a new idea, or to an- 



10G EXCELSIOR 

nounce some startling fact. But what would 
you substitute for the morning salutation? 
Nothing. And would you really have two 

friends or brothers meet on the threshold of a 
new day, and interchange blank silence? I ad- 
mit there is no variety in the words. But it is 
the heartiness we put into them which gives 
them their value. For myself, I can truly say, 
that many find many a time this morning salu- 
tation, spoken out with a generous fullness has 
touched my heart as with a happy prophecy, 
which the clay was sure to" fulfill. As to the 
dreadfully threadbare topic of the weather, I 
must confess I often hear it to satiety ; but that 
is when it ceases to be the mere prelude to the 
dialogue, and occupies one's whole talk. ' What 
a glorious day we have!' when interpreted ra- 
tionally, means nothing less than this: 'Come, 
let us enjoy together the lavish bounty of the 
Creator!' We may be sensible of a newer and 
purer joy for such an appeal. Already we were 
glad to have the sun shine so brightly ; but it 
seems doubly bright now that our friend has 
invited us to share his joy. 

"But now I fancy you replying to all this — 
'You do not hit my difficulty. I have no 
trouble in talking to a chosen companion. My 
friend 'draws me out,' because I am his friend. 
In his preasence my tongue is easily loosed ; I 
have no hesitation in saying exactly what I wish, 
and there are innumerable things that I wish to 
say. But the great majority of men ' shut me 



CONVERSATION. 107 

up.' All my fluency departs when they enter. 
There is an indescribable awkwardness in our 
interview.' 

"I frankly admit, that it is very unreasonable 
to suppose we can talk equally well and feel 
equally at ease with all kinds of persons. Not 
only organization, but habits, occupations, and 
culture, make inevitable differences between 
men, such as render it less easy for them to 
converse together. This, perhaps, cannot be es- 
sentially remedied. But the true remedy is to 
be sought in a more hearty recognition of that 
common humanity, which underlies all shades 
and diversities of human character. You hap- 
pen to be thrown into the same public convey- 
ance with a man of no literary or intellectual 
tastes. ' All his talk is of oxen,' or perchance 
of his speculations and profits in trade. More- 
over, he offends your ear by a shocking disre- 
gard of grammar and vulgarisms of pronunciation. 
Your first reflection is, ' What can I have to say 
to such a man? How unfortunate to be con- 
demned to such company!' Yet is there not 
something human even here? Were it only as 
an intellectual exercise, why not try to find out 
the real man beneath all these wrappages ? 

1 ' But how to draw him out? What effectual 
method to break through this hard or coarse 
covering?' I have no infallible directions to give 
you. But you must first have a genuine interest 
in him as a new specimen of a man: and then 
you must be able to inspire him with confidence 



108 KXCEL8I0R. 

in you, confidence thai you respect him for his 
human nature, and hold yourself to be on an 
equality with him, inasmuch as 'man measures 

man, the world over/ Start some topic which 
will evidently not be remote from his familiar 
range, and by a little tact, you will easily find 

other related topics, till at last, as the field con- 
tinually widens, you will both be amazed to 
how many common interests, desires, beliefs, you 
had, and how much unexpected benefit each has 
received from the other. Were there no other 
advantage to be sought from the power of general 
conversation, this alone should be enough to in- 
duce us to cultivate it: that so many uncomforta- 
ble social distinctions would thereby be removed. 
JLave you not often heard it said, that if certain 
classes only 'knew each other better,' they 
would be better friends, no longer separated by 
mutual envies; jealousies, and contempt. Now 
conversation is the readiest way to this mutual 
acquaintance, and it specially behooves one of 
the educated class to make the first advances in 
conversation. Talk of the virtue of silence! I 
will tell you, from my own experience, of a 
thousand cases where the simple failure to speak, 
has kept up a coolness and alienation, which one 
little word would have dispersed forever. Among 
the many sins and weaknesses which I have to 
lay at my own door, few give me greater com- 
punction than the cowardice — or whatever else 
it wa. — which kepi hack the timely words that 
ought to have been uttered, but were not. 



CONVERSATION. 109 

"It would seem, that, if conversation is an art, 
like other arts, there must be rules and methods 
to attain to it. This is true ; but mere facility, 
propriety, or elegance of speech, is but a small 
part of the discipline required to make an agree- 
able and profitable talker. You must have 
something to express, something that you long 
to utter, something that you feel it would be for 
the advantage of others to hear. For the fur- 
nishing of mind and heart comes before any 
special power to bring out of one's treasury things 
new or old. In other words, the power to con- 
verse well is not an isolated and independent 
power ; it has a close relation to the entire char- 
acter, moral and intellectual. An enlightened 
conscience w^ould make many persons better 
talkers than they are now, for it would present 
the matter in the light of a duty. A conscious- 
ness of intellectual power or of ample learning, 
makes one more ready to open his mouth before 
intelligent men ; and yet it is no good reason for 
maintaining silence in the presence of some 
eminent scholar, that he knows so much more 
than you. Why not come to him as a learner? 
The art of putting questions well is no small 
part of the art of conversation. You can de- 
rive information from him in the most direct and 
impressive manner, while at the same time you 
are showing a pleasing deference to his superior 
knowledge. Or suppose the case reversed, and 
that you are the more learned of the two, may 
vou not benefit some young scholar by question- 
10 



110 EXCELSIOR. 

Lng him bo skillfully, thai he shall seem to have 
imparted all the information evolved, instead of 
receiving ii ? The 'wisest of mankind 1 always 

declared that he merely drew out the sentiments 
of those he talked with. He assisted in the de- 
livery of their thoughts. He simply helped 
them to that most valuable knowledge — the 

knowledge of themselves. He was forever put- 
tin-- mu» .-lions to them, with a result which often 
surprised and sometimes made them angry, but 
which, at any rate, effectually served the inter- 
ests of truth. And, upon the whole, I do not 
know any rule for making a good talker which 
deserves a more prominent place than this: Put 

YOUR QUESTIONS PROPERLY, AND ASK MANY QUES- 
TIONS. Observe how naturally nearly all con- 
versation begins with an inquiry. 'When did 
you arrive V ' Are you a stranger here ?' * How 
far did you walk to day V ' Which view did you 
most enjoy?' 'Did you hear any news from the 
seat of war?' The simple reason of this method, 
as already intimated, is, that it puts the questioner 
in a more modest position. He whom you ques- 
tion, has the agreeable consciousness of being 
aMe to impart something which you have not. 
You put yourself in the background, and make 
him the important person. He is therefore at 
once amicably disposed towards you, and is not 
likely to let the conversation languish, so 
auspiciously begun. He, in turn, becomes the 
questioner, and so, in not many moments, you 
stand on the footing of equals. But remember, 



CONVERSATION. HI 

all this is true only on the condition that the 
questions are properly put. If they manifest an 
impertinent curiosity, a mere disposition to pry 
into affairs which do not belong to one — if they 
are of a nature to expose the ignorance of the 
questioned, even though not intended for such — ■ 
if they are incessant, and unrelieved by any af- 
firmations, as though you were unwilling to com- 
mit yourself, or grudged to impart your knowl- 
edge — and, finally, if the tone and voice of the 
questioner imply a feeling of superiority, then, 
instead of promoting conversation, you will have 
done your worst to check it. Again, before put- 
ting your questions, consider a little the character 
of the man or woman whom you would address ; 
for, while some evidently delight in being the ob- 
jects of interrogation, others are as plainly, be- 
yond a very moderate amount, annoyed by it. 
You will gain nothing by the rudeness of press- 
ing your questions upon unwilling ears." 

[This advice is well illustrated by the following 
anecdote of Benjamin Franklin: On a cold, 
rainy day, Franklin, half famished and frozen, 
happened to stop at this inn, and requested a 
night's lodging and a warm supper. The owner, 
an inquisitive old woman, while busying her- 
self with pans and kettles, addressed the follow- 
ing questions to the guest: From down East? 
Yes. Late hour; what business do you follow? 
Married? How many children? Where are 
you going? &c. This was too much for the 
weary traveler, and to put an end to such in- 



112 EXCELSIOR, 

quisitiveness he said: My good dame, call in here 
your husband, sous, daughters and neighbors. 
When they were assembled, Franklin said to 
them: Friends, I have sent for you to inform 
you, that my nam' 1 is Benjamin Franklin; 1 was 
born in Boston, am a printer by trade, have no 
wife, no children, no money, am going to Phila- 
delphia. Now please let me eat my supper in 
peace, and good night to you all.] To continue 
the quotation : 

"Conversation implies some reciprocity — not 
by any means an equal amount of words on both 
sides, but at any rate, some sign of intelligence, 
some expression of interest, some listening ear 
and face to encourage you ; else it were better to 
utter your monologue to the woods and flowers. 

"Another rule of conversation, as old at least 
as George Herbert, is : To talk with men ox 

TIIK SUBJECTS WHICH BELONG TO THEIR PECULIAR 

calling or occupation, — with a farmer, about 
his crops ; with a merchant, about the markets ; 
with a sailor, about the charms and perils of the 
sea, etc. Let it be only with considerable quali- 
fication that you accept this rule. I like Cole- 
ridge's comment on it: Talk with a man about 
his trade or business, if your object is to get 
information on such points ; but if you wish to 
know the man himself, try him on all other topics 
sooner. The rule, however, is a convenient one ; 
it is almost instinctively adopted in general soci- 
ety; and if judiciously applied, it may express a 
friendly feeling, which it is very desirable tocom- 
mence with. If is not applied judiciously when 



CONVERSATION. 113 

you seem to assume by it that your interlocutor 
is limited to these topics, and that 'the cobbler 
must stick to his last' in word as well as deed, 
Or, again, if your questions shall have the air of 
1 pumping ' him you will not make much progress 
towards friendly communication ; for that seems 
an unfair advantage to take of your position, 
besides that it is making of him a mere conve- 
nience, not treating him as an equal. ~No one 
likes to be catechised after he has grown to man's 
estate. I advise you, therefore, to use this rule 
simply as a convenient introduction to conversa- 
tion, where other methods fail, and to rely more 
upon a rule which is, in some respects, the re- 
verse of this : Beg-in by talking about those 
things which intebest youbself, assuming that 
your interlocutor is interested in them also. • But 
I must warn you that here even more tact and 
discretion are required than in any other case. 
It is plain that I must add to my rule, provided 
your interest does not lie in things too remote 
from common apprehension and sympathy. Re- 
member what I have already said about our 
'common humanity.' Do not be so absorbed in 
your favorite study that you shall not also have 
an eye and a heart for matters pertaining to the 
general welfare. 

"Let me lay it down as a further rule: To 

MAKE IT A POINT TO INFOBM YOUBSELF ON A VABI- 

ety of topics. One of the greatest hindrances 
to profitable and entertaining conversation is the 
extremely limited range of ideas with which most 
10* 



1 l i EXCELSIOR. 

persons are familiar. They could doubtless toll 
you of a great many facts which have interested 
them; but ask them for their ideas^ and theyare 
dumb. They will talk to you of persons as long 
as you will listen, bul of principles they Beem to 
have only the remotest conception. Now I do 
not quite agree that 'personality is the bane of 
conversation;' for persons come nearer to our 
every-day sympathies, and one need not, one 
does not, always brihg them forward for gossip 
and scandal. But does it not denote extreme 
poverty of thought to introduce personalities into 
every conversation? Let them rather be illus- 
trations, and thus stepping-stones to something 
higher and more edifying. Come now and then, 
at least, fully prepared for something like intel- 
lectual gymnastics. Put your whole strength 
into the conflict. Gather up all your forces of 
thought and knowledge, and do your best, as a 
man among men, contending not for victory or 
display, but for the truth and the right. Now 
I am not pretending that you can make a debat- 
ing club out of every mixed company you may 
chance to meet, but only that you should carry 
into all society a readiness to discuss the higher 
topics, whenever they come up naturally to mind. 
Here it is tact again, and evermore tact, which 
is required to make the rule efficient — tact, to 
prevent 'lugging in' unseasonable [epics — tact, 
to avoid too long a discussion — tact, to keep out 
offensive egotism — tact, in general, to adapt one's 
self to one's surroundings. 



CON VERS A TIOJST. 115 

11 1 have exalted 'tact' in conversation, but I 
would exalt simplicity no less. Lay aside tlie 
too many folds. Learn the courage to ' speak 
right out/ when you know that your heart is 
charged with no malice or vanity, that you 
should fear to speak. Have you never envied 
the courage of children in this respect? I have. 
And it has seemed to me that to ' become as little 
children' is nowhere more urgently required 
than here, and that no rule would sooner make 
talkers out of the silent ones." 

Letters. — Letters may be considered as a 
kind of written conversation ; and almost every 
observation which has been made concerning 
conversation proper may with equal propriety be 
applied to the writing of letters. The language 
should be pure and simple English, neither 
vulgar nor over-learned. Correctness is even 
more essential than in common conversation. 
In the latter, " slips of the tongue" are often 
excusable. But in writing, w r e are supposed to 
have more leisure, and therefore there is no ex- 
cuse for the use of an improper word, for a 
violation of a rule of syntax, or for the mis- 
spelling of a w r ord. A single fault of this kind 
has often blighted the prospects of a hopeful 
and promising young man; and thedetter wdiich 
he trusted would pave the way for his promotion 
"in life has become the chief obstruction in his 
onward path to eminence. Use, then, pure, 
simple English, wdiich all persons can under- 
stand, and with which the most correct scholar 



116 EXCELSIOR. 

can find no fault. But beware of that oilier 
common fault of making your letters stiff and 
formal; let your letter, like your speech, come 
right from the heart. Have no pretensions 
which you do not feel. And, in general, take 
for your guide the rules and instructions which 
have been laid down above for conversation, 

PEACTICAL DIRECTIONS. 

It is supposed in these days of cheap postage 
and general correspondence, there are few per- 
sons who do not know how to prepare a letter so 
that its appearance at least, if not its contents, 
shall be correct, neat, and in good style ; but for 
the benefit of these few, some directions may be 
desirable, as well as some suggestions to those 

7 CO 

who do know what is required on these points, 
but not on others connected with the subject. 

Letter paper of good quality, but perfectly 
plain, except the initials of the writer embossed 
on it, is in the best taste.- . For a ceremonious 
letter, the paper should be "letter size." En- 
velopes should correspond in style and quality 
with the letter. Buff, yellow, or pearl-colored 
envelopes, may be used for business letters, or 
those of less ceremony. Ruled paper, though 
admissible, is not in such good style as unruled. 
You should have a page of ruled lines to slip 
under the sheet, if you cannot write straight 
without; also a small piece to slip in envelopes, 
for writing the direction evenly. 

If your letter is to be a long one, you may 
commence ■ as near the top of the page as you 






CONVERSATION. 117 

please, there is no rule for this ; for a shorter 
letter, begin proportionately lower; for only a 
few lines, arrange it so that the whole, signa- 
ture and all, will be on one page. Write the 
elate near the right-hand side of the first page, 
one line below the name of your place of residence, 
giving, if in the city, also your street and number ; 
if in the country, your post-town, county, and 
state. Attention to this rule will be a great 
convenience to your correspondent, and also con- 
duce to the safety of letters addressed in reply 
to yourself. About two lines below, at the 
left-hand, you make some personal address. In 
a ceremonious letter, the name of the person ad- 
dressed — "Mr." or "Mrs. ," is placed above 

the greeting — ' ' Dear Sir, " or " Madam. ' ' Use 
good black ink ; pale ink is inexcusable, when 
with a little pains, and at small expense, a good 
quality may always be had. Blue ink is never 
safe to use for letters, for if it gets damp the 
writing will become illegible. If you make a 
mistake in a word, it is better to score it over, 
and write above, rather than trying to erase it 
by scratching with a knife and writing in the 
same place. At the end of your letter, after a 
few words of respect, more or less formal, as the 
occasion requires, your signature comes on the 
right-hand side, in rather a larger hand than the 
letter itself. A line below this, towards the 
left-hand, you put the name and address of your 
correspondent, especially in a ceremonious letter ; 
this also insures greater safety in delivery in let- 



118 EXCELSIOR, 

ters thai arc to go a gr6at distance, and risk 
having ili< i envelopes worn off. ■ 

in the form of envelopes, fashion is almost as 
vanable as in dress; however, a very long and 
narrow one is hardly ever in good taste, except for 
small notes; square looking ones have a clumsy 
appearance. Your envelope may have your ini- 
tials embossed on the overfold, at the point, to 
correspond with the letter paper, in colors if you 
wish, though plain white is more elegant. 

The \ folding of a letter is of almost as much 
importance, where appearance is concerned, as 
the handwriting ; and a handsome clear hand is 
almost an excuse for errors in orthography or 
grammar, or would be, were it possible to call 
them excusable. Your letter should be folded 
with exact care to fit the envelope, that is, so as 
not to fit tightly; only practice can teach this. 
In folding a letter, have the doubled part of the 
sheet towards you, and fold that over; in this 
way you will be more secure of keeping the 
edges even. If your letter is of more than one 
sheet, number the pages, and fold each sheet 
separate — it will be clumsy if folded together. 
In directing your letter, do not, after the fashion 
of so many persons, especially ladies, crowd it 
all into one corner, leaving nearly the whole en- 
velope blank. It is in far more distinguished 
taste to begin about half way from the top, or 
even one-third, if the direction is to be long. 
After the name of your correspondent, comes. \i 
in a city, the number and name of the street — 



CONVERSATION. 119 



commencing the line a little more to the right, 
then following the same rule, the city's name and 
the State ; for a country town, always give the 
name of the county and State. You may either 
use the usual abbreviations of the names of the 
States, or give them in full, but never of a city 
or town ; New York, Boston, Philadelphia must 
always be written in full. The same rule ap- 
plies in a letter for foreign countries ; the name 
of the country, France, Spain, Italy, England, 
must be written at length ; and in writing from 
foreign countries to America : United States of 
North America, or Lima, Peru, South America, 
as the case may be, in full. 

Always give your correspondent his title, if 
he has a professional one. To a clergyman 
'Rev. or Very Rev., as his rank entitles him ; to a 
Bishop Right Rev., and Most Rev. to an Arch- 
bishop, with D. D. also following the name, as 
all are supposed to have the degree of Doctor of 
Divinity. If you are aware a clergyman belongs 
to a religious order, it is also courteous to place 
the initial letters of its name after his, in smaller 
characters, as C. S. C, S. J., or 0. S. A; respect- 
ively indicating the members of the Congregation 
of the Holy Cross, of the Society of Jesus, and 
of the Order of St. Augustine. 

In addressing the President of the Union, it is 
not now, so much as formerly, the custom to use 
the term "Excellency;" — "To the President of 
the United States," is sufficient. For the Gover- 
nor of a State, a Member of the Cabinet, or 



I'lO EXCELSIOR. 

I a Judge of the Supr< me ( !< wrt, or an 

Ami always add the prefix I [on. ( I Eonor- 

able,) to their proper titles. Mr. — in the case of 
Members of the Cabinel and ( !on for the 

latter, M . ( !. also afU r the name. For a Judg< — 

4 - Eon. Judge ." For a Governor, "Hon. 

Mr. , Governor of New York, or ag 

may be. Always address an officer of the army 
or navy, by the titl*- belonging to his rank, and 
add after the name U. B. A. or U. B. N., accord- 
ing to ill*' arm of service he belongs to. To a 
physician, give his title of Dr. or his name with 
M. D. following it, and no title in that case; to 
a gentleman holding a professorship in a univer- 
sity or college, preface his name with Prof, or 
Professor, without Mr.; and remember, never to 
degrade this honorable title by giving it to the* 
exhibitors of sleight-of-hand tricks, mesmerists, 
or other charlatans, as has of late grown to be 
too much the custom. 

Married ladies are generally addressed by the 
( Jhristian name of their husbands, as Mrs. Ge< 
Smith. And the wives of officers, judges, Ac., 
as Mrs. General, Mrs. Captain, or Mrs. Judge. 
In directing your letter, be careful the lapover on 
one side, and direction on the other correspond; 
it gives an up-side-down look if they do not. 

It is rarely the custom now, to seal letters with 
wax, unless of some ceremony; in that case, a 
cresl "r your initials is the only device admissi- 
ble on the Bignet. Only fine red, or, it' in mourn- 
ing, Mack wax is in really good taste. It re- 



CONVERSATION. 121 

quires practice to make a neat seal. For notes, 
always use very small seals if you use any at 
all. A letter of introduction is always left un- 
sealed. Let a note be either wholly in the first 
person, or wholly in the third; many persons 
make a confused jumble by disregarding this 
rule. And beware of giving them, unless as- 
sured it will be agreeable to the party addressed. 
An introductory letter must be delivered in person. 
A letter carried by one person for another should 
be sealed. 

In writing a letter relating wholly to your own 
interests, asking a favor, requesting an autograph, 
or desiring any information, politeness strictly re- 
quires you to enclose a stamp for the reply. In 
corresponding with relatives, intimate friends, or 
persons of small means, this ..also is not only ad- 
missible, but kind and considerate. In writing 
to persons in narrow circumstances, never show 
any sense of inferiority in them, by using any less 
elegant style in the material part of your letter 
or note ; such slights are always noticed and felt. 

Finally, for this may be read by some person 
to whom the warning is pertinent, to break the 
seal of a letter addressed to another, is an offence 
of which the law takes cognizance, and meets 
out due punishment. 

To read, unpermitted, an open letter belonging 
to another, is morally as felonious and disreputa- 
ble. The same may be said in regard to any 
piece of writing belonging to another ; mind your 
own business. 
11 



122 



EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTER VI. 



VOCATION. 

OAV, when the happy days of school 
and college — the dear days of boy- 
hood education — are over, and the 
sterner training of manhood begins, 
the great question which every 
youth must ask himself, as he steps 
from the home of his fathers into 
the wide, working world, is: What 
shall be my occupation through 
life? A thousand pleasant roads, 
a thousand smiling faces, a thousand friendly 
hands, invite him in every direction. And yet 
but one of all these must be his ; for a Jack of all 
trades is master of none; besides, he must choose 
quickly, for a fool at forty is a fool indeed. 

Order is God's first law ; in His works there 
is a place iV>r everything, and everything is in 
its place, and unless man puts himself and his 
actions in harmony with this law, all his labors 
will leave him without happiness, and his life 




tl 



VOCATION. 123 

will be a failure. The world is full of various 
occupations; and God has so formed every 
human being that he is best fitted for a certain one 
of these. If he chooses the right one he will be 
successful and happy ; if he chooses the wrong one 
he will be unsuccessful, and, of course, unhappy. 

This, then, is the meaning of vocation; it is 
the calling in life to which every child of Adam 
must listen, if he wishes to be happy, and live 
according to the constitution which his Maker 
has given him. In this sense, all virtuous occu- 
pations are equally honorable. If the man who 
digs in a canal follows the occupation for which 
he is best fitted, his life is just as respectable in 
a manly point of view, as that of the President 
who is best fitted to rule the nation. 

All positions, in themselves, are equally 
noble ; they become ignoble only when men are 
unfitted for them, or when they become ashamed 
of them. In like manner, all men are equally 
noble when they are true to the nature which 
God has given them. All men are of free will 
in their creation. And no man can become 
mean or degraded except through his own fault, 
or, by the crime of his ancestors or of his fel- 
lows. It thus appears that man and all his 
occupations are noble. There is nothing mean 
made by God. Do not, therefore, look around 
you and say that any necessary calling in. life is 
low, while you call another honorable. What- 
ever is worth doing at all is worth doing well ; 
and anything which is well done brings honor, 



121 EXCELSIOR. 

not shame, upon the doer. Let not any dne, 
then, be bo childish as to ash, What Btation in 
life is respectable? All stations arc respectable. 
Lei the question of every manly soul be, What 
station is fitted l'<>r me; and for what station am 
J fitted? When he lias once found the answer 
to that question, he may be sure that he is 
right, and let him go ahead, turning neither to 
the right nor to the left. 

If he finds himself best fitted to be a shoe- 
maker, let him not be ashamed of it, but stick 
to his last. Roger Sherman was none the worse 
statesman for mending; shoes. If a farmer, let 
him boldly walk between the handles of the 
plow, as Washington 'did before him. If a min- 
inister of God, above all, let him not faint, or 
turn back, like a coward, but courageously press 
on in the work given htm to do. 

what a glorious world would this of ours be, 
if we all held thus true to our nature ! It would 
not be so full of disappointed men and women as 
it is now; for, be sure, if you try to do some- 
thing for which you are not fitted, in the vain 
desire of respectability, you must fail. Nature 
will not be cheated. If she made you for a 
tradesman, and you foolishly try to be a lawyer, 
you will be only a pettifogger. If she made 
you for an editor, and you try to be a doctor, 
you will be only a quack. Nature will not be 
cheated. It' she made you for a teacher, and 
you persuade yourself that yen are a statesman, 
you will he only a foolish Congressman; or. per- 



VOCATION. 125 

haps, only a bar-room babbler, quenching in 
drink the bright flame of your manhood. Be a 
man, be a man ! How much nobler to shovel 
dirt in the street than to have a dirty soul ! 

There is no way in which more young men 
become mere wrecks than in this silly race after 
flashy notoriety and sham respectability. They 
see the prizes of wealth and honor in the dis- 
tance, and rush headlong, thinking to grasp 
them at once ; not reflecting that a road to emi- 
nence leads from every station in life, that each 
one can run best on a certain road, and that if 
he attempts to run on the road intended for 
another he will be jostled or stumble on the 
track, and never be able to reach the end of his 
journey. 

First, then, let your great study be yourself. 
When you know yourself well you will be able 
to tell for what occupation you are fit. 

To know yourself well is not so simple an. 
affair as you may imagine. You must study all 
your powers of soul, mind and body, your facul- 
ties and your passions, your likings and your 
abilities, and then the circumstances and the 
people with whom you have to deal. All this 
would be a hard task if you were perfectly 
honest with yourself, and judged impartially ; 
but when pride and self-love come in, the task 
becomes ten-fold more difficult. 

Instead of judging everything by reason, you 
allow your pride and self-love to flatter you 
beyond all bounds. This would not be so bad if 
11* 



L26 EXCELSIOR. 

they flattered you in the right direction, and 
persuaded you to bring into play your besl qual- 
ities; but this pride and self-love will more often 
persuade you thai you are fitted for an occupa- 
tion simply because somebody else lias taken it 
up and succeeded well. They will whisper, You 
are as good as he, you are as talented, why not 
succeed as well as lie? Never hinting to you 
that lie lias seme special (]iialification that fits 
him exactly for his business, while you may 
have powers that will enable you to succeed 
still better in some other calling. 

But tell- pride and self-love to get behind you, 
and do you try to judge yourself fairly, and find 
out really what you are, that you may know 
what your true vocation is, and follow it with- 
out flinching. I have spoken so far from a 
human point of view; but I need hardly tell 
y<>u that no one should presume to decide finally 
in so important a matter without first praying to 
( h A for light. It is not a question that concerns 
time only; our eternal good may depend, and 
often does depend, upon the occupation which we 
have followed in this world. 

The first consideration which should guide you 
is, lo avoid all occupations which do not benefit 
mankind. It is the duty of every man, to be of 
some use to his fellow men. Some people engage 
in business which is hurtful to their fellows; 
others engage in that which is useless — you 
should reject both. 

The best lite which we can lead, is to live only 



VOCATION. 127 

for God ; for we shall thus be more sure of living 
with Him hereafter. After this, but yet con- 
nected with it, comes the life, pointed out by- 
God himself, to earn our bread by the sweat of 
our brow. He who lives an idle life, with others 
to wait on him, is not a man at all, but rather a 
vegetable, which men dig about and manure; an 
easy life perhaps, but he who lives so will one 
day have to give an account for thus abdicating 
his manhood. 

You must act, and act for the good of others, 
your fellow men. Whether your labor be bodily 
or mental, you must labor. But, rejecting all 
useless and wicked occupations, there still remains 
an abundance from which to choose. See to it 
that you choose the one for which you are fitted ; 
and be not influenced in your choice by pride, 
vanity, or self-love. Remember that there is one 
•station in life, which is waiting for you, one in 
which you will do better than in any other ; find 
that out, choose it, take it, it is yours, your call- 
ing, your vocation. Do not look to see whether 
it be noble, but whether it be yours ; a father 
in looking for his child, does not pick up the 
finest one he comes across, but searches for his 
own, wdiich is noblest of all to him ; do you search 
for your own field of labor and choose that only. 
It is the noblest for you, and will give you more 
pleasure in after life, than a thousand fine occupa- 
tions which do not belong to you. 

Now, when you have once wisely chosen, do 
not turn back, but press on boldly, patiently, 



L28 EXCELSIOR. 

honorably, till your life is crowned with sue- 
Success is waiting soinewhere for every youth — in 
the pulpit, on the farm, at the bench, in the forum 
— somewhere there is sure Buccess ; let him ch< 
well and then go on in earnest. 

For success in any calling, you must attend to 
some essentia] requisites. The first of these is 

Honesty. — Even it' wo should forgei that we 
are r< sponsible to God for our actions, forget that 
there is an obligation to do the right and avoid 
the wrong, still, we should he convinced by 
reason and by observation, that Honesty is the 
best policy. Reason tells us that the dishonest 
man will sooner or later be found out, and obser- 
vation confirms it. Be open, straightforward, 
and upright in all your deeds. Then men will 
trust you, patronize you, and your success, will he 
certain and brilliant; you will be afraid to look- 
no man in the face; never tremble for fear any 
mean trick should be discovered. 

If you are a farmer, do not sell bad articL 
pretending that they are good; if you are a mer- 
chant, do not ask two prices, or more than your 
wares are worth, or give scant measure, or cheat 
in any way; if you are a lawyer, do not twist 
the law so as to do injustice, do not pretend that 
a poor man can win his suit, when you know he 
cannot. [Remember the profitable lesson re- 
ceived by St. A. de Liguori: A swine herd was 
vainly endeavoring to conduct a drove of tl. 
animals through a narrow gate. After much 
cursing and swearing to little purpose, he ex- 



VOCATION. 129 

claimed : " Go, vile brutes, as lawyers go to hell ;" 
immediately the swine, one and all, passed through 
the narrow gate, and St. Alphonsus, taking this as 
a warning from Heaven, resolved to seek some 
more useful and innocent occupation.] If you are 
a politician, do not speak and write what you do 
not believe, do not influence the passions of the 
people and make them do wrong, to attain your 
own party or private ends ; if you are a clergyman, 
do not preach what you believe to be false doc- 
trine, do not excuse any injustice because the peo- 
ple are fond of it ; if you are a physician, do not 
undertake a case which you do not understand, 
or pretend to cure for the sake of running up a 
bill ; if you are a banker, do not be a " skin-flint," 
taking the very last cent which you can force 
from a needy man ; if you keep groceries, do not 
sell liquor to any one, and thus steal the bread 
which belongs to his wife and children ; whatever 
your occupation, be an honest man, do no mean • 
act, and you may be sure that the blessing of 
God and His success w T ill be with you. 

The next thing to which I would have you at- 
tend, is 

Punctuality . — Keep your word, attend to 
your engagements, break no promises, always be 
on time. It is the very soul of business life. 
All great men have been noted for their attention 
to the very moment. It is of no use to make 
excuses in such things. If it once becomes known 
that you are not very particular about times and 
promises, that moment you are a marked man, 



130 EXCELSIOR. 

and have commenced to lose confidence. You 
are no longer trusted. 

Politeness, of which I have spoken more 
fully in another place, will also be found essential 

to real success. How can the surly lawyer have 
clients? Where will the boorish physician find 
patients? When will the haughty politician get 
votes enough to elect him to office? By what 
means will the impudent merchant coax in custo- 
mers? What kind of words will the uncouth 
] »reacher use to charm the admiration of his con- 
gregation? What success will the tyrannical 
teacher have in winning the love of his classes ? 
Truly, all such men will fail in life, and they de- 
serve to fail. 

Order is a necessity. The man who works 
without system and has no end in view, may be 
said to have failed before he has commenced. 
Success is absolutely out of his reach. Have 
everything in its place, and know just what you 
arc doing. 

Caution also must not be forgotten. Beware 
of those with whom you come into contact. All 
great men have been excellent judges of men. 
If you are not so by nature, you must become so 
by study. Read carefully the book of human 
nature, or you will be imposed upon. Then 
when you have found true men, stick to them. 
Do not enter into any undertaking rashly. Stand 
fast to your own business. Remember the old 
Latin proverb : " Beware of the man with the one 
book." He who does one thing will be more apt 
to succeed, than he who tries a hundred. 






VOCATION. 131 

Barnum, who "knows whereof he affirms/' 
gives the following excellent bits of advice on 
business, many of which are equally applicable 
to other pursuits : 

11 Money getting is liable to abuse, as are also 
other desirable things. We find sometimes the 
miser, but he is simply a nuisance, and does more 
harm than good ; it is a source of comfort that 
some time he will die and leave his money to 
good uses, 

" An Irishman once saved a miser from drown- 
ing, and was handed a sixpence. 'What,' said 
he, ' is this all you give a man for saving your 
life?' Then, taking a second look, he said: — 
'Well, faith, and I guess it is all that it is 
worth. ' 

"Wealth is the golden key which opens the 
means of happiness and of doing good. It is a 
very simple thing in America to make money; 
{ but the most difficult thing is to keep it. The 
habit of spending less than one earns is the road 
to wealth. Many persons make a double mis- 
take ; they think they know what economy 
is, and by not knowing at all what it is, but 
thinking they do, they fail to learn and practice 
it. They practice in little mean w T ays, such as 
I saving the candle ends, or cutting down the ser- 
vants' wages twenty-five cents a week. The 
economy of some women runs to tallow candles, 
i while they can afford to expend their hundreds 
on the street for rats, mice, and poodles. The 
economy of some runs to writing paper; they 



132 EXCELSIOR. 

use old bits and cuds, and perhaps sometimes in 
this way throw away papers that contain valu- 
able figures. Their economy tends to one point 
only. Like the man who bought a penny her- 
ring, and hired a coach to take it home in, they 
save at the spigot and waste at the bung. 

"Keep an exact account of expenses, and the 
items of necessity will not be found double or 
treble what you otherwise expected. Some at- 
tempt to deceive others by appearing to be 
wealthy when they are not, thus keeping their 
wives' noses to the grind-stone and ruining them- 
selves. The ladies are frequently envious of 
their richer friends, and w r ill suffer any sacrifice 
in order to make the same outward show as 
those whom they envy. This false ambition is 
keeping thousands of families poor, and they de- 
serve to be kept so. 

" A man who uses intoxicating drinks to ex- 
cess, cannot succeed in business. He who did * 
would be as great a curiosity as the woolly horse 
or the mermaid. A man cannot succeed unless 
his brain is sober and hand steady. 

"When a young man arrives at suitable age, 
he, or his guardian for him, should select the ex- 
act line of life for which he seems fitted. Some 
seem exactly intended for mechanics, while it 
would be a long and useless labor to teach it to 
others, because they are not suited to that voca- 
tion. In all conditions of life you will find 
many who have mistaken their vocation. Yet 
sometimes one may learn the trade or calling for 






VOCATION. 133 

which, he was intended, but failed because he was 
not located in the right place. 

"Young men starting in life' should beware of 
getting in debt. John Randolph once said, that 
he had discovered the philosopher's stone. It 
was, 'Pay as you go.' Some young men strut 
about in new clothes which they have never paid 
for, intending some time to go to work and get 
out of debt. There is no class of men with such 
good memories as creditors, and these young 
men will find the time for paying come when 
they are not ready. No young man has a right 
to draw on the future for what he uses to-day. 
Better wear the old coat, and turn and patch it, 
rather than run in debt. You lose your credit, 
your self-respect and that of others, and will 
never get along in the world. 

"Money is like a fire: a good servant, but a 
poor master. In debt you become its slave. 

"When you have laid down your plans, then 
persevere. As David Crockett said : 

'Be sure you're right, and then go ahead.' 
"The timid man becomes discouraged, and 
sometimes when success is in his grasp, lets go, 
falls and is ruined. He loses the golden oppor- 
tunity. 

. " 'There is a tide in the affairs of men, that 
taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.' The 
General who ' fights it out on that line, if it takes 
all summer,' is sure to succeed. We must de- 
pend upon our own personal exertion. It will 
not do to trust to the eyes of others. Frequently 
12 



134 EXCELSIOR. 

the eyes of the employer are better than the 
bands of a dozen servan 

"Young man, you will not find any cue to 
help you along by Lending you money. The 
only way to make a fortune is to make it your- 
self, and thai is the only fortune that can be truly 
enjoyed. No man Bhould ever indorse a note 
for any one to an extent which he cannot afford 
to lose. If you do it. expecl to give the amount. 
By endorsing for a friend, frequently a man not 
only loses his own fortune, "but ruins his friend, 
whom lie means to assist. 

"There is no sueli thing as luck in the world. 
Some men are successful and some unsuccessful, 
but it generally depends upon themseh 
Many a fortune has been lost by merely going 
into something which they knew nothing about. 

"The best capital in the world is politen- 
and liberality. Give the most for the money 
that you possibly can afford. It is a matter of 
policy, and will be sui;e to succeed. Don't tell 
all about your business. If you do this, you 
may find somebody who will envy you, and per- 
haps set up in opposition. If you are losing 
money, don't tell it, for people will be sure to 
ate you. A wealthy Quaker had a motto: 
'Keep your own secret.' A man never makes 
anything by telling his secrets. 

" There is nothing so difficult as to get mon- 
dishonestly. In the long run, honesty is the 
policy." 

[ndustry T place last, but surely it is not 



VOCATION. 135 

least. Persevere, persevere, never grow weary. 
Robert Bruce had raised an army in the hope of 
freeing his country, but was defeated and forced 
to take refuge in a cave ; there he watched an 
ant try sixty-nine times to bring a load up to its 
nest and fail every time, but, nothing daunted, 
it tried the seventieth time and succeeded; the 
defeated king sprang up in exultation and said, 
"I too will try again." He did try, and on the 
the glorious field of Bannockburn crowned his 
perseverance with victory. Constant applica- 
tion will always be rewarded in like manner. 
It is little by little that all solid success is built 
up. Idleness, carelessness, discouragement — 
these are the means of losing your places in 
life ; but persevering industry is the means of 
placing you on the top round of the ladder of suc- 
cess. Edmund Burke says, alluding to another 
of the uses to be derived from struggle and 
effort: "Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over 
us hj the supreme ordinance of a parental 
guardian and legislator, who knows us better 
than we know ourselves, as He loves us better 
too. He that wrestles with us strengthens our 
nerves, and sharpens our skill; our antagonist is 
our helper. This amicable contest with difficulty 
obliges us to an intimate acquaintance with our 
object, and compels us to consider it in all its 
relations; it will not suffer us to be superficial." 
Ah! but, you say, after all this I may yet 
fail ; do whatever they may, some men are cer- 
tain to fail. If that be so you must submit ; for 



136 EXCELSIOR. 

it is then evidenl thai it is noi God's will thai 
you Bhould step up into the high places of the 
world. He knows what is best for us. Still, 
although there arc exceptions, the general rule 
is, according to the French maxim, Help thyself 
and Grod will help thee. M<y>t men have to 
blame themselves for their failures. 

But it' you cannot rise so high as others, it 
may be that you are mistaken in your vocation ; 
your calling may be among the more humble. 
You may be happier and even nobler there than 
anywhere else, for it is your place. Do your 
duty, and every position is noble. Finally, 
whatever your calling, be a man — be a man ! and 
then you may stand up, in all the nobility of 
your spirit, and look the noblest and the proud- 
est right in the face. 

One of nature's noblemen felt the full force of 
"a' that," when he said, half in scorn, half in 
triumph, in his quaint Scottish dialect: 

Is there for honest poverty, 

That hangs his head, and a' that ? 
The coward slave we pass him by, 

We dare be poor for a' that ! 

For a' that and a' that, 

Our toil's obscure, and a' that, 
The rank is but the guinea's stamp, 

The man's the gowd for a' that. 

What though on hamely fare we dine, 

Wear hoddin gray, and a' that? 
Gie fools their silk and knaves their wine, 

A man's a man for a 1 that ; 

For a' that, and a' that, 

Their tinsel show and a 1 that : 



VOCATION. 137 

The honest man, though e'er sae poor, 
Is king o' men for a' that. 

Ye see yon birkie, ca'd a lord, 

Wha struts and £ tares, and a 5 that; 
Though hundreds worship at his word, 

He's but a coof, for a' that ; 

His riband, star, and a' that, 
The man of independent mind, 

He looks and laughs at a' that. 

A. king can mak a belted knight, 

A marquis, duke, and a' that ; 
But an honest man's aboon his might — 

Gude faith, he mamma fa' that ! 

For a' that, and a' that, 

Their dignities, and a' that, 
The pith o' sense and pride o' worth 

Are higher ranks than a' that. 

Then let us pray, that come it may — 

As come it will, for a' that — 
That sense and worth, o'er all the earth, 

May bear the gree, for a' that ; 

For a' that, and a' that, 

It's coming yet, for a' that, 
That man to man, the warld o'er, 

Shall brothers be, for a' that. 

All ! that indeed will be the golden age, when 
" Man to man, the world o'er, shall brothers be." 

But might not each one make this practical 
iron age the golden age for himself? or, at least, 
do his part to make it so? When he meets 
what the world calls his equal, he has no trouble 
in treating him as a brother. Now, to bring 
about the good time of which Burns sings, the 
Golden Age, when "Man to man, the world 
12* 



138 EXCELSIOR 

o'er, Bhall brothers be, n we have only to remem- 
ber the common brotherhood of all the sods and 
daughters of Adam and Eve. When we mfcel 
with one who works a little harder than we do, 
or whom the world, for any reason, sneers at as 
our inferior, lei us remember that the, world is a 
heartless tyrant, and let us throw off its abomi- 
nable tyranny. This person is not necessarily our 
inferior: but, like ourselves, lie is also a child of 
A «lam, and is, perhaps, working out the law of 
his nature better than we. 

If he uses the powers given to him by Heaven 
as well as we do our own, his manhood is just as 
noble. The man, in Scripture, who made good 
use of the ten talents, was very much com- 
mended ; but so was also he who had but five 
talents and used them well. The man who 
receives five talents, and returns the gift 
doubled, shall have great reward; while he that 
receives ten talents, but buries one, shall be con- 
demned, even though he glories over his brother 
for the gifts which he has received so freely, and 
used so unworthily. 

Do not dare to loot down on any one ; for 
though he crawl beneath your feet, he may be 
your superior. Men often entertain angels un- 
aware, and often, too, they trample on men 
better than themselves. It is well for us to 
reflect, that the meanest member of the hum- 
blest race of main is own brother to the highest 
and noblest. This fact is just as true now, 
though not so well believed, as it will be in the 



VOCATION. 139 

grave or at the judgment. Aye, at the judg- 
ment and in the grave all men are equal ; and 
poor foolish pride can there find no hole too low 
to hide his head, when he sees all men, those 
from rich houses and those from wretched hov- 
els, lying or standing, side by side. I wonder 
whether silks, and satins, and glossy broad- 
cloths will be ashamed of poor relations on those 
days? They say that the potatoes in Ireland 
grow so fast sometimes that they have not room 
together in the hill, and you may go out of a 
summer's morning, and hear them scolding — 
"Push over, push over ! 7? Will the grandees in 
the grave order the "lower classes " to push over 
and give larger room to their lordships ? Nay, 
verily, six feet by two for every one. The grave 
and the judgment will prove us all brethren, all 
equal; and show, beyond dispute, that of all the 
follies of man, there is none so nonsensical, so 
laughable even, as 

" Pride, the never-failing yice of fools I" 

But it is some consolation to think that it is 
generally the mark of a fool to be proud, to des- 
pise his fellows. Sensible and well-bred people 
are not supposed to indulge in this weakness. 

Yet, if this be so, there must be a great num- 
ber of fools in the world. Our streets are often 
full of them. One is proud because his great- 
grandfather's second cousin has left him a legacy, 
and he can wear a finer broadcloth and a taller 
beaver than his old companion ; and so he struts 
along the streets, like a peacock with new feath- 



l in EXCELSIOR 

i rs, and forgets to bend his lofty head to his 
former friends — he does no1 Bee them anymore 
— or, to speak more properly, according to the 
phrase, u h< i cuts them. n 

Ami even gentle woman, with her generous 
heart, is loo oiten found despising some worthy 
Bister, who is not able, or does not care, to get 
such a love of a bonnet as her own. She her- 
self, like a poor ignorant pagan, falls on her face 
to adore the idol of Fashion; and, rising up with 
the garments of her slavery upon her, foolishly 
thinks herself superior to the noble woman who 
is content to walk uprightly, without anxiety or 
vanity, in the path of duty, which is to her the 
path of pleasure. 

Yes, even the- child, the little boy or the little 
girl, learns this foolish lesson of pride; and, 
before it can speak plainly, is able to tell you 
who are low society — poor trash, who work for 
their living; and who are respectable — rich folks, 
who live on the earnings of the poor. And these 
little children grow up thinking that the great dis- 
tinction between people in this world is the dif- 
ference between fine clothes and coarse ones — 
never dreaming that honesty or a well-spent life, 
talent, or virtue has anything to do with the mat- 
ter. In their opinion, money and a good tailor 
or dressmaker can make a fine lady or a fine 
gentleman any day. And, we might add, older 
children often reason in the same way. 

Mrs. Shoddy, Mr. Petroleum, and John Spec- 
ulator, Esquire, are considered very good com- 



VOCATION. 141 

pany, after they have entered into their new 
palatial residence and given the grand opening 
entertainment of the season. Very fine people, 
very fine, very. Such little accomplishments as 
dressing in taste and speaking good English are 
matters of little importance. But Mrs. Work- 
away, the neatest housekeeper in town, Mr. Com- 
mon Sense, and their son, a poor young man of 
great promise, are left quite in the shade. The 
world says, with Whang the Miller, in Gold- 
smith, "They may be very good people, for all 
it knows ; but the world is fond of choosing its 
company." 

There is one satisfactory reflection connected 
with this matter: Mr. Common Sense and his 
excellent family care as little for those stylish 
people as they care for him. He knows that 
God and Nature do not distinguish people by 
their fine clothes, but by their fine hearts and 
their fine minds. 

People of wealth and fashion are just as good 
as others, if they do well and act well, using 
their money and their station for their own real 
good and that of their fellow-men — but they are 
no better. This rank of wealth and station is 
no better than the old rank of blood, which all 
people of sense have learned to laugh at. De- 
spise no man but for his own bad actions ; admire 
no man but for his own good deeds. 

As we should look down on no one in the spirit 
of tyranny, so we should look up to no one in the 
spirit of slavery. God has made all men of free 



L42 EXCELSIOR. 

will, of the same equal nature; He lias died 
equally for all ; and the bighesl reaped He com- 
mands as to give others is, that we should love 
them as we love ourselves. It is alike the com- 
mand of Grod and of Nature that we should 
resped ourselves equally with all men. But in 
this we must not bear ourselves proudly, any 
more than basely, bul always as men. 

This, thru, must be our conduct with our fel- 
low-men: To despise the Wrong wherever we 
find it — hate it with all our souls; and to honor 
the Right wherever we find it — love it with all our 
hearts: but to despise no person, for that is the 
mark of a fool or of a tyrant; and to look upon 
no man as our master, for that is the mark of a 
brute or of a slave. Let us love God and those 
He loves, love the right, fear no one, and know 
that all men are our brothers. 

And, as for ourselves, let us train, as well as 
aw may, all the powers of our bodies, our minds, 
and our souls — become educated in the better and 
higher sense. And for our occupation through 
life, let us choose that, and that onty, for which 
God has fitted us. And, in what we have chosen, 
let us become perfect. If we do our work well, 
become masters in our labor, we shall become 
nohle, going on better and better, higher and 
higher, improving every faculty which God has 
given us, never heeding the laughers and talkers; 
hut pressing on boldly, yea, on and up, till we 
become first and noblest — highest overall. Then, 
though Death himself shall meet us. we shall 



VOCATION. 143 

still fling out our banner higher, higher, " Excel- 
sior! Excelsior!" and the air of Heaven shall 
ring with our cry ! 

The shades of night were falling fast, 
As through an Alpine village passed 
A youth, who bore, 'mid snow and ice, 
A banner with the strange device, 
Excelsior ! 

His brow was sad ; his eyes beneath, 
Flashed like a falchion from its sheath, 
And like a silver clarion rung 
The accents of that unknown tongue, 
Excelsior ! 

In happy homes he saw the light 
Of household fires gleam warm and bright ; 
Above, the spectral glaciers shone, 
And from his lips escaped a groan, 
Excelsior ! 

" Try not the pass," the old man said ; 
" Dark lowers the tempest overhead, 
The roaring torrent is deep and wide 1" 
And loud that clarion voice replied, 
Excelsior ! 

" O stay," the maiden said, " and rest 
Thy weary head upon this breast !" 
A tear stood in his bright blue eye, 
But still he answered, with a sigh, 
Excelsior ! 

" Beware the pine-tree's withered branch! 
Beware the awful avalanche !" 
This was the peasant's last good night, 
A voice replied, far up the height, 
Excelsior ! 



At break of day, as heavenward 
The pious monks of Saint Bernard 



144 EXCELSIOR. 

Uttered the oft-repeated prayer, 

A voice cried through the Btartled air, 
Excelsior! 

A traveler, by the faithful hound, 
Half buried in the snow was found, 

Still grasping in his hand of ice 
That banner with the strange device, 
Excelsior! 

There in the twilight cold and gray, 
Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay, 
And from the sky, serene and far, 
A voice fell, like a falling star, 

Excelsior ! 



PART II 



FOR YOUNG LADIES. 



BY A LADY. 

(R. V. R.) 



145 



SELF-SACBIFICE. 



147 



dD^V 




CHAPTER I. 
SELF-SACRIFICE. 



^E preceding portion of this book 
is addressed to gentlemen, but by 
no means written exclusively in 
their interests. So far is this from 
being the case that there is not 
one page — hardly one line — that 
may not be as profitably studied 
by ladies, and with suitable adapt- 
ation to their needs, put in practice 
by them. It is taken for granted that that por- 
tion has been well studied, and will be held in 
memory, so that all passing reference made to it 
here, will be understood. 

From earliest childhood, until with what is 
supposed to be a " finished" education, they 
respectively leave, the young lady her academy 
or institute, the young gentleman his college, 
and enter on the broad stage of responsible life, 
brother and sister walk in the same path, have 
the same object in view, and must use the same 



148 EXCELSIOR. 

means to obtain it. All thai lias been insisted 
on as essentia] for the young man to cultivate 
in his moral, mental and physical faculties, i 
absolutely required of the young woman, if she 
desires also worthily to fulfil in the world her 
duty to God, her neighbor, and herself. Kay, 
more; in one department, that of home, she 
must cultivate with yet more earnest care, all 
the useful endowments of mind, all the lovely 
graces of heart, for on her it more exclusively 
depends to make their common dwelling-place 
truly home. ~No words can do justice to the 
worth, the priceless value of a good daughter, a 
good sister, a good wife, a good mother, and to 
become capable of filling all these stations ivell, 
should be the ambition of every young lady, 
during the years of preparation and study. 

If the brother must be kind, forbearing, con- 
siderate, protecting, gentle, the sister must be 
thoughtful, patient, deferential, watchful and 
tender, and above all, cheerful at home. A 
young girl may be truly anxious to do her duty, 
and do it scrupulously, as far as the outward 
actions are concerned, but if her gentle ministry 
is not done cheerfully, with a smiling face and 
blithe readiness to oblige, it will lose half its 
charm. She must do all not only cheerfully, 
but disinterestedly. To be self-sacrificing is 
woman's noblest characteristic; it is from her 
lips, not from man's, comes the petition : 

"Give unto me, made lowly wise, 
The spirit of self-sacrifice." 



SELF-SA ORIFICE. 149 

And her heart is ever singing, as with thought- 
ful care she provides for the comfort of father, 
brother or husband : 

" I live for those who love me, 

For those I know are true, 
For heaven that smiles above me, 

And awaits my spirit too ; 
For those human ties that bind me, 
For the task by God assigned me, 
For the hopes that beam within me, 

And the good that I can do." 

And in pure, generous, unselfish devotion, in 
her proper sphere, to the good and happiness of 
others, she finds a rich reward. The more dis- 
interested, the more unexacting of all return she 
is, the greater return is she sure to receive; for 

"Love that asketh love again, 
Finds the barter naught but pain ; 
Love that giveth in full store, 
Aye receives as much and more. 

" Love exacting nothing back, 
Never knoweth any lack ; 
Love compelling love to pay 
Sees him bankrupt every day." 

Even if, as is often the case, after having thus 
given the devotion of her heart and life, and 
with unwearying painstaking spent herself in 
the service of others, she yet sees but a careless, 
unappreciating return made for it, that all hold 
her in but secondary estimation at best, and 
give the love, the gratitude that should be hers 
to another ; still a yet higher motive will incite 
her to continued perseverance in the same path 
13* 



150 EXCELSIOR 

of self-sacrifice for the good of others, the 
thought that, "It is better to give than to 
LVe. n 
It" she is tempted sometimes to whisper to 
herself in discouragement and repining: " What 
is the use of all this toil, these efforts for 
others, when J get so little return, nobody makes 
me a first object, no one seeks my happiness, no 
one 'loves me best/" she will also soon, in a 
better mood, murmur to herself: 

11 Oh! hush thy plaint, poor heart, 
And give to others from thy own large store, 
So shalt thou share 
In love's diviner part, 
The less they give to thee, yet more and more. 
t To g ice than to receive is far more blest / 
Be glad, poor heart, because none love thee best." 



AFFECTION AT HOME.. 



151 



CHAPTER II. 

AFFECTION AT HOME. 

T is said that a home without a 
woman in it is no home at all. It 
may be as neat and clean as hands 
can make it ; it may be adorned 
with taste and skill; works of art, 
sculpture, paintings, books, even 
flowers, little gems of virtu, knick- 
knacks, and womanish toys — all the 
accessories of elegant life may be 
there, but, at best, lacking the presence of 
woman, it will be only a kind of refined and 
luxurious museum, a dwelling-place, a shelter, a 
refuge, for the man who inhabits it, when he 
gets weary of the society of his fellow-men in 
the outside world ; where he may, it is true, 
11 dwell in cold proprieties forever," but where 
he can never know the charms, the delights of 
Home. 

But we see also in this that it is not the mere 
superintendence of outward surroundings, syste- 




152 EXCELSIOR. 

matic arrangements and attention to exterior 
comforts thai is most needed in a woman, 
whether daughter, sister or wife, for all these 
may be had without her; but if, in addition to 
these indispensable requisites, presiding over all, 
touching all with the subtle, indefinable charm 
of womanliness, she be there — amiable, cheerful- 
hearted, intelligent — this cold shadow of a home 
becomes a warm, living reality. Far more than 
this. All the luxuries of life, all its more ex- 
pensive refinements may be wanting ; there may 
be no means to procure any adornments for it ; 
the furniture may be the plainest, the homeliest, 
even taste for its arrangement may be wanting 
in the presiding deity of the household ; but if 
she is amiable, if she is cheerful-hearted and 
intelligent, her home will be a bright and happy 
one. And amiable, cheerful, and more or less 
intelligent every daughter of Eve may be, if 
she will take the means to become so. 

" It may be under palace roof, 

Princely and wide, 
No pomp foregone, no pleasure lost, 

No wish denied ; 
But if beneath the diamond's flash 

Sweet, kind eyes hide, 
A pleasant place — a happy place 

Is our fireside. 

" It may be 'twixt four lowly walls, 
No show, no pride, 
Where sorrows ofttimcs enter in, 
But ne'er abide. 



AFFECTION A T HOME, 153 

Yet, if she sits beside the hearth, 

Help, comfort, guide, 
A blessed place, a heavenly place, 

Is our fireside." 

All great things have small beginnings. The 
simplest, lowliest, have a part in the great plan 
of nature ; little efforts in the end work great 
actions, and it is the lessons taught, or rather 
learned in our early days, that mould the char- 
acter and the temper for all after life. An 
unamiable turn of mind, an evil disposition, a 
bad habit, then acquired, is hardly ever in 
mature age completely eradicated, however hard 
we may struggle to root it out. On the con- 
trary, each gentle grace that is then permitted 
to plant a tender germ in the heart will, in the 
same way, become so strongly rooted it may 
resist all the efforts of a worldly life to hinder 
its growth, and bear at least some blossoms, 
leaves and fruit to the end of time. 

" Cherish, then, the gifts of childhood, 
Use them gently — guard them well ; 
For their future growth and greatness, 
Who can measure — who can tell !" 

But these lessons must be learned. Parents, 
teachers, friends, companions, are all the while 
teaching us, not only at home, and at school, 
and in our youthful days, but all through life ; 
yet all will be lost on us if we do not on -our 
part try to learn the lessons taught. 

" Love, hope, and patience — these must be thy graces, 
And in thy own heart let them first keep 8011001." 



EXCELSIOR. 

Yes, these three are tli< i special graces of 
womanhood, and the means by which she in- 
fluences all around her, al home or abroad. 

Le tnusl learn to be loving al home; loving, 
with a kind, unselfish love, showing itself in 
little things, more than in great ones. She lias 
few opportunities there for greal sacrifices, but 
the call for small acts of self-denial are unceas- 
ing, and a spirit of the loftiesl self-sacrifice, for 

ater opportunities, is often thus acquired by 
those who cultivate it in these "small begin- 
nings." It is woman's special province to be 
lovingly thoughtful of the comfort of others ; 
and it is charming to see the young girl, the 
little child, with this instinct of womanhood, 
trying to enter into the feelings of all around, to 
imagine their wants, and anticipate them. Very 
true and very sad is the experience given in this 
following paragraph ; so sadly true in the greater 
number of families, it is wonderful, the fact 
] -Minted out, it is not perceived and remedied. 
11 I am one of those whose lot in life has been to 
go into an unfriendly world at an early age ; and 
of nearly twenty families, in which I made my 
home in the course of about nine years, there 
were but three or four that could be properly 
designated as happy families, and the source of 
trouble was not so much the lack of love as lack 
of care to manifest it. The closing words of this 
sentence give us the fruitful source of family 
alienations, of heartaches innumerable, and of 
sad faces and gloomy home circles. What a 



AFFECTION A T HOME. 155 

world of misery they suggest ! Not over tliree 
or four happy homes in twenty; and the cause 
so manifest and so easily remedied ! Oh, in the 
1 small sweet courtesies ' of life what power re- 
sides ! In a look, a word, a tone, how much 
happiness or disquietude may be communicated.' ' 
Mrs. Browning, who has written not a few 
very deep and beautiful truths, has also drawn 
some very lovely and pure pictures of simple, 
affectionate womanhood in its home aspects, and 
here is one of them. 

MY KATE, 

She was not as pretty as women I know, 
And yet, all your best, made of sunshine and snow, 
Drop to shade, melt to naught, in the long-trodden ways, 
While she's still remembered on warm and cold days. 

My Kate. 

Her air had a meaning, her movement a grace ; 
You turned from the fairest to gaze in her face ; 
And when you had once seen her forehead and mouth, 
You saw as distinctly her soul and her truth. 

My Kate. 

Such a blue inner light from her eyelids outbroke, 
You looked at her silence and fancied she spoke ; 
When she did, so peculiar and soft was the tone, 
Though the loudest spoke also you heard her alone. 

My Kate. 

I doubt if she said to you much that could act 
As a thought or suggestion ; she did not attract, 
In the sense of the brilliant and wise, I infer ; 
' Tioas her thinking of others made them think of her. 

Mv Kate, 



150 EXCELSIOR. 

^\w never found fault with you — nev( r implied 
Y.Mir wrong by lier right ; and yet men al her side 
Grew nobler, girls purer, as through the whole town 
The children were gladder that pulled at her gown. 

My Kate. 

None knelt at her feet as adorers in thrall; 
They knelt more to God than they used, that was all. 
If you praised her as charming, some asked what you meant ; 
But the charm of her presence was felt where she went. 

My Kate. 

The weak and the gentle, the ribald and rude, 
She took as she found them, and did them all good ; 
It always was so witli her, see what you have ! 
She has made the grass greener, e'en here — with her grave. 

My Kate. 



CHEERFULNESS AT HOME. 



157 




CHAPTER III. 



CHEEKFTJLNESS AT HOME. 



^EAKN" to be hopeful at home. Hope 
is but another name for cheerful- 
ness, that if it sees all sombre around 
it, looks forward brightly, and does 
more than look forward : tries to 
bring back the missing spirit of joy. 
It is said, " If people will be good, 
they will be happy." Very true ; 
but perhaps still more true, "If 
people are happy they Will be good," and it is 
always worth while to try the experiment. So 
be hopeful of and/0?* every one. Whatever goes 
wrong, hope, and try your part to make it right ; 
whoever errs, hope, and use all your influence to 
lead the erring one back from the wrong path ; 
and do all this by being yourself cheerful, and 
trying to make all around you so. In sorrow, 
trouble, sickness, poverty, the presence of one 
hopeful-hearted, cheerful-tempered person, espe- 
cially if a woman, is strength, help, consolation 
14 



158 EXCELSIOR. 

to all. The very sighl of a cheerful face will 
often drive away gloom and bitterness from a 
heart where they have been in full possession. 
To the sorrowful a cheerful spirit will give not only 
sympathy, but comfort; not only rest, but new 
vigor; it will win the sullen out of the moody 
fit; it will melt the obstinate; it will encour. 
the timid and desponding. Simple cheerfully 
cheerful looks, and cheerful words at home, will 
do all this and more than all this. It is of more 
good influence in the family to be habitually 
cheerful and hopeful, than to be able to give the 
most judicious advice and instruction, or spend 
oneself in endless labor for the good of others. 

It is just like sunshine. Two houses on 
opposite sides of a street, the one having the 
sun on it, the other in the shade, though pre- 
cisely alike in all other respects, will have a 
totally different aspect; and so will two families, 
equally estimable in every way, and alike, ex- 
cept in one of them possessing the treasure of at 
least one cheerful, sunny-tempered member; the 
other destitute of this blessing. Among all 
home virtues there is none of more importance 
for a young girl to cultivate, if she wishes to 
make home happy, than the spirit of cheerful- 
ness, as there is nothing she should more 
earnestly try to repress than the least tendency 
to fretfulness, repining, or discontent, that is its 
very opposite. There is nothing more wearing 
to the spirits of all around than this disposition 
to he dissatisfied with everything and everybody 






CHEERFULNESS AT HOME, 159 

at home, that characterizes many a young lady, 
who abroad is all liveliness, sweetness, and 
amiability. 

A passionate temper may cause a home 
tempest for awhile ; a sullen one may at times 
cast gloom around the fireside, but the fault- 
finding, repining, never-satisfied one, who goes 
about with a perpetual frown on the brow, and 
pout of the lip, is a ten-fold greater trial to 
parents, brothers, and sisters. Be cheerful, 
then; store up sunshine in your heart, and let 
it beam in your face, and whatever graces of 
mind or body you have will be a thousandfold 
enhanced, while on the other hand, if to the 
outside world you seem homely, and lacking in 
every charm, to "the dear ones at home " you 
will appear lovely and fascinating. 

HOPE AND CHEERFULNESS. 

Daffy-down-dilly came up in the cold, 

Through the brown mould, 
Although the March winds blew keen on her face, 
Although the white snow lay on many a place. 

Daffy-down-dilly had heard underground 
The sweet rushing sound 
Of the streams as they burst off their white, winter chains, 
Of the whistling spring winds, and the pattering rains. 

" Now then," thought Daffy, deep down in her heart, 
" It's time I should start !" 
So she pushed her soft leaves through the hard frozen ground, 
Quite up to the surface, and then she looked round. 

There was snow all about her — gray clouds overhead — 
The trees all looked dead. 



1G0 BXOELSIOR 

Then how do you think Daffy-down-dilly felt, 

When the sun would not shine, and the Lee would not melt! 

"Cold weather,* 1 thought Dally, still working away; 
" The earth's hard to-day ! 
There's but a half- inch of my leaves to be seen, 
And two-thirds of that is more yellow than green! 

" I can't do much yet, but I'll do what I can ; 
It is well I began ! 
For unless I can manage to lift up my head 
The people will think that Spring herself's dead." 

So little by little she brought her leaves out, 

All clustered about ; 
And then her bright flowers began to unfold, 
Till Daffy stood robed in her spring green and gold. 

O, Daffy-down-dilly, so cheerful and true ! 

I wish all were like you ! 
So ready for duty in all sorts of weather, 
And holding forth courage and beauty together. 



PATIENCE AT HOME. 



161 



CHAPTER IV. 

PATIENCE AT HOME. 

jE patient at home. If you give 
the matter any consideration, you 
will find that, first of all, it is with 
your own self you need to be pa- 
tient. If you have any right feel- 
ings, any aspirations to be good, 
amiable, noble-minded, nothing 
will try you more than your con- 
stant short-comings, your repeated 
failures to reach the standard of excellence you 
have set before you. In all who are striving 
after excellence, whether moral or mental, this 
standard will become higher and higher, as they 
add year to year, will "grow with their growth, 
and strengthen with their strength," and so will 
also grow their need of patience with self. That 
will be an unhappy hour for any human soul in 
which it says to itself, ' ' The point I have gained 
is high enough, I am satisfied ;" but all hours are 
unhappy to that one who still continues to strive 
14* 




162 EXCELSIOR. 

for its end, bul not with patience; it lias not 
"learned the mystery of progression duly;" it 
does not know thai in tins life the goal of our 

hopes for perfection will never be readied. Be 
patient, then, and pitying, with a divine pity, for 
yourself and your faults and failures. It will do 
no good, either to yourself or ethers, to get en- 
raged or discouraged. The noble, earnest mind 
will only be incited by failure, and deeper con- 
sciousness of imperfection, to fresh and more vig- 
orous efforts after goodness. 

" Not enjoyment and not sorrow 
Is our destined end or way ; 
But to act that each to-morrow 
Finds us further than to-day/' 

" We speak with the lip, and we dream in the soul, 

Of some better and fairer day ; 
And our days meanwhile to that golden goal 

Are gliding and sliding away. 
Now the world becomes old — now again it is young, 
B it ' the better ' is forever the word on the tongue. 

" And it is not a dream of a fancy proud, 

With a fool for its dull begetter ; 
There's a voice at the heart that proclaims aloud, 

' Ye were born to possess the better !' 
And that voice of the heart, ye may believe, 
Will never the hope of the soul deceive." 

Even to those who are not conscious of these 
better aspirations, the counsel to be patient with 
Belf still applies. They need to be patient with 
this very want, this consciousness of inferiority 
in noble-mindedness, if they desire to make even 
the first beginning to become noble-minded. If 



PA TIENCE A T HOME. % 163 

little efforts work great actions, no less are they 
the beginning of great thoughts and high aspi- 
rations. These, too, will find that 

— " In the daily round 



Of duty and of love, 

They best will find that patient faith 

That lifts the soul above." 

'•There is but a step from the sublime to the 
ridiculous," is an every-day experience ; one of 
the best illustrations of patience with self I ever 
found was in a comic engraving of a poor little 
donkey, harnessed to a large cart heavily loaded, 
which the driver was endeavoring to urge on at 
the top of its speed by a novel expedient ; fas- 
tened to some part of its gear was a stick that 
projected above and beyond its head, far enough 
to hold, suspended by a string, a large cabbage, 
just out of the reach of the longing mouth of the 
poor beast, but in full view of its eyes. The 
more desperate were its efforts to grasp the deli- 
cious morsel, the faster it went, of course, but 
alas ! never reaching its end any more than we do. 

Be Patient with Your Family. And first of 
all with your parents. It seems, at first sight, 
almost a disrespect to speak of patience in this 
connection, but in truth there is hardly any fam- 
ily relation in which it is more required. Child- 
ren, as they begin to grow up, and exercise their 
own reason and judgment, instead of relying, as 
heretofore, on simple obedience to those who have 
authority over them, become aware that their 
parents are not infallible ; so far from it, it not 



lhl EXCELSIOR. 

seldom happens tliat the son or daughter is con- 
>us, in a questioD where there is opposition of 
\ tews, thai justice and good sense is on tht ir side, 
and only yield from a sense of duty, and do it 
ungraciously, because impatienl ly. Surely there 
is no more lovely trail of filial piety than thi8 % 
which would lead you to be very meek and for- 
bearing with, nay, rather blind to the faults of 
your parents, or seeing them only to excuse them 
in your own heart and veil them from the eyes 
of others. Forbearance and kindness for their 
infirmities, mental or physical, in sickness or old 
age, is an obvious duty, but there are different 
ways of being dutiful. One daughter will take 
care of an aged or invalid parent day after day, 
for years, zealously, watchfully, carefully, endur- 
ing all the fatigue and weariness of the position 
without a murmur, but do it only as a duty, and 
with a kind of impatient scorn and contempt 
for the helplessness and imbecility of old age. 
Another daughter, in a like position, will make 
'patience her first point, and it will make her ten- 
der, loving, indulgent, and teach her so to humor 
and gratify the whims and " notions" of her 
charge, that the second childhood will be, in this 
case, almost as cheerful and happy as the first 
was ; while in the other, however it may be sur- 
rounded with bodily comforts, it will lack the 
best and truest comfort of all. Who does not 
bow great the difference will be between being 
merely dutiful and bring patiently dutiful? Per- 
haps each will say, and with equal truth, she 



PATIENCE AT HOME. 165 

loves her parent, and would not, for the whole 
world, give up to another 'the privilege of taking 
care of her infirm father or mother, but assuredly 
the patient child is the most filial-hearted of the 
two. 

Be Patient with Brothers and Sisters. It is 
much harder to be patient with our equals in 
position than with either our superiors or infe- 
riors, but a much more needful thing, inasmuch 
as the greater part of our intercourse in life is 
carried on with our equals. One carping, dispu- 
tatious temper is the bane of peace in a home 
where there are several brothers and sisters, while 
one truly patient mind will sometimes succeed in 
reconciling the most discordant elements, and 
making a tranquil fireside of one that was most 
turbulent. Be patient, then, and yielding to the 
verge of right, but never beyond it. 

Patience with servants is another most impor- 
tant qualification for a young lady to strive to 
acquire, who desires to know how to make a 
happy home. In this country it is said a really 
good servant is "one in a thousand," and that 
the other nine hundred and ninety-nine vary, in 
all degrees, from passable down to bad, worse, 
and worst. Is not it possible that the same 
classification may be just as fairly applied to mis- 
tresses ? It is very certain that there is no rela- 
tion in life in which perfect good understanding 
of mutual duties is more absolutely needed than 
between the mistress of a house and her domes- 
tics, and none in which it is more difficult to 



166 EXCELSIOR. 

preserve the exad medium between undue femil- 
tarity and harsh exaction and repulsiveness ; yel 
this line of separation must be found and kepj 
by every lady who desires at once to do her duty 
as a I ihristian and maintain her dignity as a mis- 
tress. For this the practice of patience is more 
specific than that of any other virtue. It will 
give the command over self that, is the first essen- 
tial for ruling others; it will prevent all over- 
bearing, arbitrary treatment of servants, yet, 
with silent, unyielding resolution, assert the right 
of the mistress to be obeyed. It will teach how 
not to pass over faults, but to choose the right 
tii no, place, and way to reprehend them, and at 
the same time to exhibit a due consideration for 
a domestic's feelings and rights. 

It will teach also how to bear with the igno- 
rance as well as the faults of a servant. How 
many a poor girl, full of good will and good in- 
tentions, but not knowing how to put them into 
practice, has been repulsed, discouraged, ruined, 
as far as her efficiency as a servant goes, by the 
want of a little patience in any one of all the 
numerous mistresses with whom she has engaged 
to teach her her proper business, and bear with 
her mistakes and forgetfulness, till the habit of 
doing her various duties properly was fully 
formed. Very few, but very praiseworthy, are 
the examples of the opposite class of mistresses, 
who have found truly that "patient waiting is 
no loss," hut secured a valuable domestic aid and 
an humble friend for life, by the practice for a 
few weeks or months of this beautiful virtue. 



PA TIENCE A T HOME. 167 

The name might here be given of a lady, high 
in station and personal worth, accomplished in 
every sense of the word, whose household, vast 
as it is, is admirably conducted in every detail, 
from cellar to garret. Did all her servants come, 
ready taught, to her feet? No; she herself 
made them what they are. 

In a smaller household in one of the eastern 
cities the same exercise of patience has met the 
same reward, the mistress of it having had the 
wisdom to take ignorant, but seemingly well 
disposed girls, from the ship in which they had 
just "come over/' and train them herself, giving 
time, labor, and patience, and gaining her end, 
in securing efficient servants. 

It may not be out of place to mention that in 
this latter household the servants were taught 
writing and arithmetic, by the voluntary, patient, 
persistent efforts of a child of thirteen years old, 
who every evening, after preparing her own 
lessons for school, devoted an hour to her three 
pupils in the kitchen, till, to their delight, each 
one was able to write a neat letter back to the 
"old counthry " without help. 

" Of all the lovely virtues 

That adorn and cheer our path, 
Patient perseverance 

The surest blessing hath." 



1G8 



EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTER V. 




HOUSEWORK. 

ROBABLY the heading of tins 
chapter will be read with a scorn- 
ful curl of the lip by many young 
ladies who think they best prove 
their title by professing, both 
theoretically and practically, their 
ignorance of household duties, yet 
who desire and expect at some 
future time to marry and become 
mistresses of households. But, "a perfect wo- 
man, nobly planned," is a woman who includes 
in herself all that appertains to her part of 
human nature, and she knows the more import- 
ant part to her is the "home department." A 
lady who fills her place here well, in all its 
various parts, is truly the "perfect vroman" the 
poei describes, and we are not surprised to find 
that while be begins by finding her "a phantom 
of delight/' be ends by discovering Bhe is 



HOUSEWORK.' 169 

" A being breathing thoughtful breath, 
A traveler betwixt life and death, 
With reason firm, and temperate will, 
Prudence, foresight, strength and skill." 

And that she is competent to fulfil, in other 
relations of life, ail the offices of a true help- 
meet, and "to warn, to comfort, and command." 

It is a grievous mistake young ladies make 
when they look on life from the romantic point 
of view rather than the practical. There is 
always some romance underlying even the most 
ordinary, common-place, everyday sort of life, 
and it is well for each one who can see it, and 
make it a relief to the monotony and weariness 
of an unvarying round of duties. The mistake 
is when they allow the romance to come upper- 
most, and leave the practical duties quite out of 
sight, and the result of the error is idleness, 
carelessness, and utter indifference to the homely 
wants of a household. It is precisely these non- 
chalant romantic ladies who are ever the most 
disposed to complain of the inefficiency of their 
servants, and a careful study of the pro and con 
compels to the conclusion that they have never 
taken any care to train their servants to do any- 
thing, for the very sufficient reason they did not 
themselves know any better how the work of a 
house should be done. 

The woman is to be pitied, whether married 

or single, who, knowing nothing practically of 

the cares of housekeeping, is ignorant also of its 

delights ; for if it has its trials and disappoint- 

15 



170 EXCELSIOR. 

ments, of which we hear bo much, it has its 
plea also, though they have not been 

eloquently se1 forth. A life without regular 
occupation, for some part at least of each day, is 
a dreary, insipid life, no matter how full it is of 
what we called pleasures and amusements, and 

ner or later ennui takes | don of the 

lady who lives such a life, though, like the 
habitual drunkard, she cannot dispense with the 
excitement of the dissipations to which she is 
accustomed. 

The lady, however, who, whether wealthy or 
of moderate means, daily gives some portion of 
her time to household duties, and takes a real 
interest in all the details, great and small, of her 
home, and who, moreover, is not only competent 
to direct, but able and willing to do with her 
own hands any part of the work w T hen it is 
needful to supply the place of a sick or missing 
servant, is safe forever from this demon of ennui ; 
and not only so, but will, with far more z 
enter into all the lawful amusements of her age 
and station. The feet that have during part of 
the morning been industriously moving around 
in " household motions light and free," will in 
the evening dance all the more lightly and 
merrily, and the hands that have perhaps been 
wielding the broom or the duster, will fly just as 
deftly over the keys of the piano or strings of 
the harp. 

Indeed, knowledge of housekeeping real prac- 
tical knowledge, is the most precious of all 



HOUSEWORK. 171 

accomplishments, and every sensible woman will 
so regard it, and not, in the fashion of the sillier 
portion, degrade it by giving it the name of 
drudgery, and considering it a mark of elegance 
to be ignorant of household details. It is most 
precious, because valuable and desirable as are 
the various other parts of a liberal and complete 
education, this is indispensable to almost all 
women, and nothing will supply the want of it. 
No man of sense, no gentleman of refinement 
will marry, unless under a mistake as to her real 
character, a lady who does not know how to 
order a house, and keep all its machinery 
properly in motion ; and sadly disappointed and 
disgusted is many a one who finds the woman 
he has chosen not only incapable of making a 
home for him, but unwilling even to learn, des- 
pising the needful care and labor, and expecting 
from servants the fulfilment of their duties and 
her own too. 

Many ladies interest themselves in the 
arrangement of the drawing-room, parlors, and 
dining-room, " company rooms" as they are 
called, and take care that taste and refinement 
shall be exhibited, because elegant, artistic, in- 
tellectual pursuits will thus claim the admiration 
of visitors, but the private family apartments, 
the sitting-room, the kitchen, the sleeping- 
rooms, will be left to their fate, and the fidelity 
or want of fidelity of the domestics. 

The really good housekeeper and refined lady 
while by no means neglecting anything that can 



172 BXCBLSIOB. 

render a home beautiful, will; however, make it 
her firsl objecl to see thai it ls comfortable, and 
the real comforts of a home are in the perfect 
cleanliness and convenienl orderly arrangements 
of its more private parts, and the regular syste- 
matic routine of housework and punctuality in 
meals. Though both young ladies and gentle- 
men have equal need to learn the importance of 
"a place for everything, and everything in its 
place, a time for everything, and everything in 
its time," yet it would seem, of the two clauses of 
the maxim, the first is more applicable for the 
gentleman, who is most apt to be untidy — the 
last to the lady, who is more given to be unpunc- 
tual, especially in that point of daily importance 
to men of all occupations, exactness to the din- 
ner hour. 

A lady who wishes her home to be well 
ordered, should be able not only to superintend 
and give her orders, but to lend a helping hand 
to her domestics, when from any em< y of 

sickness or absence the ordinary routine of the 
day or week is broken into, or when the need of 
instructing a new servant arises. She will thus 
also save herself from any attempt at imposition, 
by proving to the servants she knows how all 
ought to be done, and will not submit to the 
work being slighted in any way. Let her, if 
there is necessity, with gloved hands and 'kerchief 
over her hair, lake the broom and Bweep over 
herself the neglected part of the carpet, in the 
dark corner or under the wardrobe or Bideboard, 



HOUSEWORK. 173 

to show the slatternly or ignorant girl she u sees 
dirt," as the phrase has it, and knows what good 
sweeping is. Let her strip a bed, and shake and 
smooth it properly, and arrange the covers and 
the pillows, and turn down the sheet with the 
exact symmetry a well-made bed should have. 
IN ay, let her not shrink from going farther than 
.this, and by that point of points, that test of 
tests, by which the perfection of a good cham- 
bermaid is proved — effectually cleaning the bed- 
stead — let her, by showing how it ought to be 
done, and how often, not leave a careless servant 
any excuse for allowing troops of "horrid red- 
coats ' ' to invade the peaceful slumbers of her 
family. 

If the cook is incompetent or absent, let the 
lady be able, (in neat calico wrapper — not a cast- 
off fine dress,) to go into her kitchen, not only to 
prepare the delicate pastry, cake, <£c, as some 
ladies with an affectation of good housekeeping 
do, but the real substantial parts of an ordinary 
repast, the beef, potatoes and cabbage. It is a 
pity in this the hands must be subjected to some 
rough usage, but a far greater pity it would be if 
her husband and children must eat ill-cooked 
viands or go hungry, and know that their com- 
fort depended, not on the wife and mother, but 
on a hired cook. No ; let the true lady prove 
she is 

"A creature not too bright and good 
For human nature's daily food," 

in a far better sense than the poet had in view 
15* 



174 EXCELSIOR 

when he penned the lines. If, in addition to 
this, when ber well-cooked •dinner has been dis- 
cussed and enjoyed, she < »n<-< - in a while shows 
her girls the righl way to "wash the dish 
i'^v there is a right and wrong way here, too, Bhe 
will be more secure of never seeing her table 
disgraced by greasy plates and dishes, knives 
and forks with gritty or sticky handles, clouded 
tumblers, and dull, tarnished silver. 

" If on our daily course our mind 
Be set to hallow all we find, 
New treasures still, of countless price, 
God will provide for sacrifice. 

" The trivial round, the common ta^k 
Will furnish all we need to ask; 
Room to deny ourselves ; a road 
To bring us daily nearer God. 

" Old friends, old scenes will lovelier be, 
As more of heaven in each we see : 
Some softening gleam of love and prayer, 
Shall dawn on every cross and care. 

" O, could we learn that sacrifice, 
What lights would all around us rise. 
How would our hearts with wisdom talk 
Along life's dullest, dreariest walk." 



PLAIN SEWING. 



175 



CHAPTER VI. 
PLAIN SEWING. 

L NE other requisite will not be over- 
looked by the lady who desires to 
be a " perfect woman" — useful nee- 
dle work. " Fancy work," of one 
kind or another, is always the rage ; 
some new sort is always being in- 
vented, or some forgotten old one 
brought forward again with im- 
provements, to supply the place of 
the one that has had its day and is laid aside. 
But " plain sewing" never seems in favor, it is 
looked on as a weary task, to be got rid of any 
how it can. Few families are now without a 
sewing machine, and their use is most thankfully 
to be received as a relief to the over-tasked mis- 
tress of a large family, with small means to hire 
assistance, in the still beginning, never-ending 
task of keeping the supply of house linen, and 
husband's and children's clothes up to require- 
ments. With its help she may, sometimes at 




17G EXCELSIOR. 

least, give a practical refutation to the dreaiy 
old saying thai "Man'swork is from sun to sun, 
bul woman's work is never done," and feel at 
Leisure occasionally to enjoy the social and intel- 
lectual relaxations of life. But even the most 
perfect of sewing machines, even thai which will 
"stitch, run, fell, hem, tuck, gather, braid/' and 
finally "work the button-holes," cannot do all 
and everything that is comprised under the head 
of plain sewing. Even for the best of sewing 
machines it is necessary for every seam to be 
irately arranged, and before that, for every 
article to be cut out and prepared, and to do this 
well, with a proper regard for neatness in fit and 
shape of each garment, and due economy in the 
use of material, knowledge and care that only 
personal experience will give is needed — knowl- 
edge that can only be gradually acquired. 

That mother is a wise one who, instead of giv- 
ing her little girl a doll ready dressed and with 
a complete wardrobe, presents it as the babe is 
born, with materials to dress it well, and shows 
the little one how both to cut out and put to- 
gether all the garments for her new pet. It is 
a double pleasure to the child, and the beginning 
of a valuable store of knowledge for after life. 

To return to the ''children of a larger growth," 
who, more the pity, learned long ago to despise 
dolls, but who, many of them, do not know how to 
make even a doll's clothes properly, it is well if 
even now they will be persuaded that skill in the 
of the needle is net in any station an art to 



PLAIN SEWING. 177' 

be despised. Few indeed are the women wlio go 
through life without having felt the necessity of 
knowing something of patching and darning, and 
all the varieties of mending, and no little differ- 
ence is there in both the appearance and comfort 
of apparel carelessly mended or left unrepaired, 
and that repaired with a neatly arranged patch, 
or a smooth flat darn ; this is especially the case 
with stockings, which, if mended in that disgrace 
in thrifty housewives' eyes, " gobble stitch," do 
not last half the time they ought, and are a mis- 
ery for tender feet to wear. As to wearing un- 
mended hose because " the holes wont show," it 
is to be hoped few women are guilty of the 
enormity, excusable only in that most forlorn 
type of humanity, the " old bachelor," who, un- 
happy being, has no one to darn his stockings 
for him, 

Even for those who are never under the ne- 
cessity that others are all the time, of exerting 
their skill to keep up a respectable appearance 
by trying to u mak' auid claithes look maist as 
gude's the new," there is need, constant need, 
unless they are very slatternly of that provident 
stitch in time that saves nine ; and if they are 
wise they, too, will try to attain some expertness 
in the saving art of mending. It has been re- 
marked somewhere that a pretty hand never 
looks so pretty as when sewing, and for the fur- 
ther encouragement of those disposed for useful 
industry in this respect, this old poem is also 
given . 



178 EXCELSIOR. 

THE NKKDLK. 

The gay belle of fashion may boast of excelling 
In waltz or cotillion, at whist or quadrille, 

Ami Beek admiration by tauntingly telling 
of drawing and painting, and musical skill; 

Bui give me the lair one, in country or city, 

Whose home and its duties are dear to her heart, 

Who cheerfully warbles some rustical ditty 
While plying the needle with exquisite art. 

The bright little needle, the swift flying needle, 
The needle directed by beauty and art. 

If love have a potent, a magical token, 

A talisman ever resistless and true, 
A charm that is never evaded or broken, 

A witchery certain the heart to subdue : 
Tis this: — and his armory never has furnished 

So keen or unerring or polished a dart ; 
Let beauty direct it, so pointed and burnished, 
• And, Oh, it is certain of touching the heart. 
The needle, the needle, the bright little needle, 

The needle directed by beauty and art. 

Be wise, then, ye maidens, nor seek admiration 

By dressing for conquest and flirting with all ; 
You never, whatever your fortune or station, 

Appear half so lovely, at rout or at ball, 
As gaily convened at a work-covered table, 

Each cheerfully active and playing her part, 
Beguiling her task with a song or a fable, 

And plying the needle with exquisite art. 
The needle, the needle, the bright little needle, 

The needle directed by beauty and art. 

And to end tliis chapter by stowing how ex- 

tness in needle work may profit the soul as 

well as the body, here is a motive for cultivating 

skill better than all, to use it in working for the 



PLAIN SEWING. 179 

poor. Few of the laboring class of women, ex- 
cept those who make their living by their nee- 
dles, are either good sewers or know how to cut 
out to advantage ; and even those who do, in the 
ceaseless toil to provide the first necessaries of 
life, shelter, food and fuel, have little time or 
means to spend on their clothes. The lady who, 
in addition to the assistance in money or neces- 
saries she is supposed, as a Christian, 'to be 
always ready to bestow on the destitute or strug- 
gling poor, will regularly give also some of her 
time to making clothing for them, will be chari- 
table in an even greater degree to her own soul, 
by the self-denial she will practice in taking it 
from more elegant and agreeable occupations. 
This is of far more merit than the mere giving 
from her superfluities can ever be ; and good sub- 
stantial clothing made from proper materials for 
the use of the poor, of far more value and com- 
fort to them than the soiled, half- worn or out-of- 
fashion garments of their own, some ladies dis- 
pense in what they call- charity. 



ISO 



ELSIOB. 




CHAPTER VII. 



THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN, 



^IESE chapters are merely supple- 
mental to the preceding work, and 
intended to supply to young ladies 
the suggestions that could * not, 
without interfering with its se- 
^ quence and consistency, be intro- 
duced into it; little reference is, 
therefore, made in this part to 
school duties.- All the motives 
and inducements that were urged in the chapter 
on College, to persuade to diligence, systematic 
thoroughness, and judgment in the selection of 
studies, are of just as much application to the 
young girl as to the young man. A lady's col- 
lege course may not, in all its details, be the 
same as a gentleman's, but in its general outline 
it is, and its result, success or failure in life, de- 
pends, in the one case as in the other, on the 
good use made of it. In nothing else, outside of 
spiritual application, is the warning more appo- 



THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN. 181 

site: "Let not any part of a good gift over- 
pass thee," than in this, in the opportunity — 
vainly longed for by many from whom it is with- 
held — to obtain a good, a complete education." 
A due appreciation of the value of this privilege 
will, by increasing affectionate gratitude to pa- 
rents, who afford it often at the expense of denial 
of personal gratifications, counteract all danger 
of filial love becoming cooled by absence ; and 
the desire to please a beloved father and mother, 
to meet their just hopes and expectations, will, 
or at least should, be the best incentive to ear- 
nest, untiring diligence. The tastes and wishes 
of parents should be consulted by pupils in the 
selection of different branches of study, rather 
than. their own fancies; their advice should be 
asked in respect to conduct ; and, as far as pos- 
sible, the same dependence felt and expressed on 
their authority while at school, as when under 
their immediate care at home. 

Letters to parents, though written according 
to the rules of the institution, at regular inter- 
vals, should yet be the spontaneous outpourings 
of affectionate, reverential feelings. Instead of 
leaving all to set times for writing, when the 
supposed necessity of making, in the first place, 
a good composition, causes too often a stiff, formal 
appearance in their letters, it would be well if 
children were more careful to keep warm in their 
hearts and memories the thoughts of home and all 
the dear ones there, that from time to time arise 
simply and naturally, and thus treasure them up 
16 



182 BXCELBIOB. 

to fill their letters with. Such letters aa these 
are inexpressibly sweel and precious to parents. 

A few words will be said on each of the three 
points, Moral, Mental, and Physical Education, 
as applicable to ladies. 

Of the first, all that has been said by different 
authors (o prove that, in moral nature and train- 
ing, women are, as a general thing, superior to 
men, must, it is to be feared, be put down rather 
to courtesy and generosity than to truth. They 
are far more frequent in the commission of many 
of the minor misdeeds of society than men are; 
the petty mischief-maker — the tale-bearer — the 
scandal-monger — the detractor, is it not, nine 
times out of ten, found to be a woman? Are 
they not more envious, more jealous, more bitter, 
more spiteful, more unforgiving to each other, 
than men? And last, not least, are they not 
more deceitful? If this last be granted it will 
probably be with the excusing clause that, like 
all timid and weaker creatures, they take refuge 
in concealment, and by that very admission the 
point will be unconsciously granted that, in moral 
nature, woman is not superior to man. 

It is not intended, however, by any means, to 
insinuate that she is inferior. If below him in 
some points, she is as far above him in others, and 
probably an analysis of the characteristics of the 
two halves of humanity would result in this con- 
clusion — that the chief failings on the man's side 
may be summed up under the general head of 
selfishness, contrasted by the self-devotion of 



THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN 183 

woman to the good and happiness of others, at 
the expense of personal gratification; and that 
the besetting sin of women is uncharitableness — a 
disposition to judge harshly — and speak severely, 
of their own sex especially, in contradistinction 
to the greater magnanimity and generosity of 
men to offenders, whether men or women. We 
will leave the gentlemen to take care of them- 
selves, and let each decide under what special 
aspect his type of selfishness makes itself appa- 
rent — egotism, love of ease, indifference to the 
feelings of others, (fee. — and concern ourselves 
with trying to amend, in any case these words 
may influence, the proneness of women to un- 
charitableness. "There is no rule without an 
exception" holds good in all cases, and gladly is 
it allowed there are noble instances of lofty self- 
devotion among men, and among women, not a 
few whose lips are stainless from even one wil- 
fully uncharitable word ; but it is to the generality 
these pages are addressed, and let the consciences 
of the majority of women answer, if not with too 
just cause. Let themselves be their own judges. 
In any case in which her character, her good 
name, is in danger, either with or without rea- 
son, is it not from the harsh judgments, the bit- 
ter comments of her sister women she shrinks far 
more than from the fear of what men will think or 
say of her? 0, if women, young and old, would 
but take to heart the enormity of the evil of rash 
judgment, rash expression of opinions, rash de- 
tails of the conduct of others, uncharitable com- 



184 EXCELSIOR. 

mente on worda or <1 Is they may not have 

understood in their real meaning, petty tale- 
bearing, half, nay. Dearly ail, the quarrels and 
misunderstandings of the world — tip' social world 

in which they live — would be at an end. A 
rial millenium would commence — a complete 
revolution in Bociety would be the result. The 
uncharitable, tattling tonime of one woman! To 
think' of the mischief it can do! The pain, the 
suffering, the misery, the despair it can cause in 
the world! It makes one tremble and shudder 
to think of it ! Only God knows how many bro- 
ken hearts have gone in uncomplaining silence to 
the grave, struck to death by the barbed tongues 
of the scandal-loving among women. 

It is often made the excuse for detailing some 
precious morsel of evil-speaking, "I know it to 
be strictly true." That is no excuse at all for 
telling the story; more: it is far rather a reae 
for striving to suppress it. A lie can, and prob- 
ably will, die out or be discovered, and the ma- 
ligned person's character shine out with brighter 
lustre for the attempt made to tarnish it ; but a 
truth — 0, there is inherent life in a truth — even 
a hard, cruel, uncharitable truth, and it may 
wound to death some poor heart, far more weak 
than wicked, if it be thoughtlessly proclaimed ; 
while its wise and merciful concealment world 
perhaps have been salvation for it, in this would 
ami the other. Said St. Francis de Sales: "The 
trutli thai is qoI charitable proceeds always from 
a charitv that is not true." 



THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN 185 

'No one can estimate another's feelings ; no one 
can judge of the sensitive point in another's na- 
ture — a more obtuse mind would not feel what, 
to a tender and delicate one, would be bitter 
pain ; no one can comprehend how some unknown 
circumstance, or internal consciousness of appli- 
cation, may cause, what to them seems a very 
trifling remark, to sting deeply the one of whom 
it is made; and therefore, in speaking of others, 
no rule is safe, except the absolute, unqualified 
rule — to speak no evil of our neighbor. 

There is equal reproof to the detractor and 
comfort for the detracted in these lines : 

• " The little griefs — the petty wounds — 

The stabs of daily care ; 
4 Crackling of thorns beneath the pot/ 
As life's fire burns— now cold, now hot — 
How hard they are to bear. 

" But on the fire burns, clear and still, 

The cankering sorrow dies ; 
The small wound heals, the clouds are rent, 
An through this shattered mortal tent, 

Look down the eternal skies." 

For those who, more in thoughtlessness of 
mind than uncharitableness of heart, allow them- 
selves to talk unguardedly of their neighbor, the 
following lines are also given : 

" O, the wounds I might haye healed, 

The human sorrow and smart ! 

And yet it never was in my soul * 

To play so ill a part ; 
But evil is wrought by want of thought, 
As well as want of heart." 
16* 



186 EXCELSIOR. 

Lei tli<' $roung lady, who desires to rise high 
in the scale of moral excellence, guard herself 
from all the faults of human nature, but watch, 
with a special, jealous watch, against this special 
sin of womanhood. No guard can bq toq care- 
ful — no care too great; for rash judgftient, and 
its sure companion, uncharitable speaking, arc 
lurking devils, always Lying in wait and watch- 
ing for an opportunity, in all companies, in every 
conversation, to find an opening for insinuating 
their venom, sure, if they can do it, of wounding 
two souls at once — the detractor and detracted. 

It is in smaller circles of society, above all, 
where this guard is especially needed ; the nar- 
row clique, the little village circle, benevolent 
associations of ladies, who, thrown together more 
frequently and intimately, see more of each oth- 
er's failings, and are more prone to whisperings 
about each other. Little remarks are made, now 
and again, of some absent one, "that mean no 
harm/' but, being repeated and detailed, grow, 
heaven knows how, into serious accusations. 

An admirable essay on the moral and mental 
elevation of woman, by Monseigneur Dupanloup, 
Bishop of Orleans/" which will in the following 
chapter be largely quoted, refers to this point, 
giving the experience of a young woman. She 
writes to him: "For three years I have seen 
society in the provinces; it differs little from that 
of oilier (provincial) places, I suppose. Ah, 

* Translated for and published in the Catholic World, October 
and November, 1867. 



THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN. 187 

me ! sometimes at the end of the day I sum up 
six or seven hours spent, with or against my 
will, in gossip about my neighbors that, while 
compromising charity, has exhausted the mind 
and narrowed the already narrow horizon." 

Members of all communities, no matter what 
their object, or how estimable individually, need 
to guard themselves from this propensity to deal 
in personalities. In the essay on "Conversa- 
tion" in the preceding part of this work, very 
just and sensible remarks were made as to how 
far personal observations were admissible in gen- 
eral conversation, and the limit clearly defined. 

In institutes for education of young ladies, 
each one needs, if she would preserve a perfect 
character for high-mindedness, to be especially 
careful on this point. Among the young, 
whether in the family or at school, it is the 
"tell-tale" who is the object of general suspi- 
cion and aversion, and the character once fixed 
on any one is never got rid of. When it is 
necessary to give information of any breach of 
discipline observed in another, it should be done 
simply and quietly, and left for the directress to 
deal with. Beware of whispering and pointing 
out among companions any fault of the kind, or 
of any other character ; your very confidants in 
such cases will learn to distrust and despise you. 

The solemn and beautiful precept: "Judge 
not, and you shall not be judged, condemn not, 
and you shall not be condemned," should be, in 
literal practice, the golden rule of women, their 



188 



EXCELSIOR. 



guard againsl Bins of uncharitableness id though! 
and word; aa men need to study more in details 
and take in a more active sense than they 
usually do, the golden rule to "Do unto others 
as ye would that they should do unto you," and 
qo< merely in passive, Belf-loving indolence, leave 
others alone. 



~ 



MENTAL TRAINING. 



189 



CHAPTER VIII. 




MENTAL TRAINING. 

>0 speak of mental training for 
women is always a difficult point. 
To give it its due importance, and 
yet keep it in subjection to higher 
duties, for strict as is the obliga- 
tion imposed on her to use and 
improve every talent God has en- 
trusted to her keeping, it is very 
certain He has given her some- 
thing to do in this world of even more conse- 
quence to herself and others than to become 
proficient in literature, art, or science. It is 
only when she knows, and acts on the knowl- 
edge, that mental cultivation is not for her, an 
end in itself, but a means to another end, to 
enable her the better to fulfil her womanly duties, 
especially as a wife and mother, that it is safe to 
urge it on her. 

On the other hand, it may be said that to cul- 
tivate a taste for intellectual pursuits is the only 



190 EXCELSIOR. 

way to deliver the women of this age from the 
genera] spirit of frivolity thai seems to poss 
them, and to enable them with more credil to 
themselves to occupy their place in the world. 

h is to be feared thai for every one woman 
who indulges in mental occupations to the injury 
of her domestic duties, there are a hundred who 
negled them for the iar more reprehensible in- 
dulgence of idleness, vanity and dissipation, and 
this as a matter of taste and preference, becau>< 4 
they have no enjoyment in intellectual pursuits. 
How to impart this taste, how to induce women 
to seek relaxation and enjoyment in such occu- 
pations, is the real problem; if that could he 
solved, the way to reconcile devotion to any 
mental pursuit, with the faithful and cheerful 
performance of domestic duties, would be a com- 
paratively easy task. 

It is very hard to define woman's true place 
in the world, her rights and duties ; to put her in 
the exact position she should occupy, between 
the absurd and outrageous one claimed by the 
misnamed " strong minded" woman's rights 
woman — the weakest and most foolish of their 
sex — and that assigned to her by those who 
would have her consider herself hardly as a 
responsible being, having no duties except 
domestic ones, no claims except to protection, 
indulgence, and fondness from men. 

It is said, in the Jewish Liturgy occurs this 
episode: The men in the body of the syn- 
chanting alternately with the women in the 






MENTAL TRAINING. 191 

galleries say: "We thank Thee, Lord, that 
Thou hast not created us women." Whereupon 
the women, in the true spirit of the devout sex, 
respond: "We thank Thee, Lord, that Thou 
hast created us as it hath pleased Thee." No 
better illustration could be found for defining the 
spirit with which woman should be actuated if 
she will only understand it, and take it to its 
full extent; that is, see and believe that God has 
created her subordinate to man. She is the 
completion of * his nature, as he is the beginning 
of hers. He cannot do her part in the world, 
neither can she do his. The master minds in all 
arts and sciences are the minds of men. 

A clever American author, a woman too, 
says: "It is true there are and have been 
women who have distinguished themselves 
greatly in the higher branches of art and liter- 
ature, and on whom the light of genius has 
clearly descended. But can the annals of women 
produce a female Shakspeare, a female Milton, a 
Goldsmith, a Campbell, or a Scott? What 
woman has painted like Raphael or Titian, or like 
the best artists of our own times? Mrs. Darner 
and Mrs. Siddons had a talent for sculpture, so 
had Marie of Orleans, the accomplished daughter 
of Louis Phillippe.* Yet what are the produc- 
tions of these talented ladies compared to those 
of Thorwaldsen, Canova, Chan trey, and the 

* Had this author lived a little longer she would have added 
the names of Miss Hosmer, and other American lady artists who 
are a glory to their native land. 



L92 EXCELSIOR. 

master chisels of the great American statuaries. 
Women have been excellent musicians, and have 
made fortunes by their voices; but is there 
among them a Mozart, a Bellini, a Michael 
Kelly, an Auber, a Boieldieu? Has a woman 
made an improvement on a steam engine or on 
anything connected with the mechanic arts? 
And yet these things have been done by men of 
no early education, by self-taught men. A good 
tailor fits, cuts out and sews better than the most 
celebrated female dressmaker. A good man 
cook far excels a good woman cook. Whatever 
may be their merits as assistants, women are 
rarely found who are very successful at the head 
of any establishment that requires energy and 
originality of mind. . Truth is, the female sex is 
really as inferior to the male in vigor of mind 
as in strength of body ; and all arguments to the 
contrary are founded on a few anomalies, or 
based on theories that can never be reduced to' 
practice. M 

What, then, if this does not all go to prove 
she is inferior? It simply goes to prove she 
cannot take man's place in the world, she cannot 
be the head and leader, she cannot cope with 
him on an equality even ; that her proper place is 
subordinate to his, and that she must submit to 
acknowledge it, without thereby expressing any 
discontented sense of inferiority, because, like him, 
she is simply filling the place God created her 
for, and for which alone she is fitted. She should 
use to their uttermost extent the talents and in- 



MENTAL TRAINING. 193 

fluence in the world that God has given her, but 
not proudly insist on claiming an equality He 
has not given. Her glory is in her humility ; 
her honor in her generous spirit of subjection to 
superior claims. The most blessed of all women 
was "exalted" precisely by, and because of her 
humility. 

With these thoughts for a foundation, we may 
venture to show woman how lofty her claims 
may be made to respect and consideration for in- 
tellectual endowments, and try to excite some 
ambition for higher pursuits in those who, in 
disregard and neglect of God's good gifts, fritter 
away in idleness, dress, gossip and petty dissipa- 
tion, all their lives, or at least all the leisure 
they can obtain from duties they dare not 
neglect. For the better disposed, those who 
faithfully fulfil domestic duties, but who have 
not thought how they can put to the best profit 
odd time, hours, half-hours, spare minutes, that 
even the busiest have at their disposal some- 
times, for such as these it can be shown there is 
encouragement to use them in intellectual occu- 
pations, with the hope of finding some really 
valuable result in thus using even such rem- 
nants of time. 

For this purpose we cannot do better than 
take for guide the essay lately given to the 
world by Monsiegneur Dupanloup, Bishop of 
Orleans. A noble advocacy of her rights, and a 
series of wise and benevolent counsels and sug- 
gestions, for which everv high-minded woman 
17 



194 EXCELSIOR 

whom they reach will give him heart-warm 
gratitude. The quotations made will not be in 
the order he gave them, bul as best comes in 
with the comments to be made on them for 
American ladies. It must be remembered, too, 
these pages are not written so much for the more 
superior-minded among women, who can do their 
own thinking, as to persuade those of ordinary 
intelligence, those who are only conscious of 
mediocrity of talent, to try to acquire informa- 
tion, and not to be discouraged from cultivating 
and using their gifts, however humble they may 
be, for: "One need not create master-pieces to 
prove the possession of talent; God sends dew 
to little flowers as well as to great trees, and 
humble works may receive the fecundity of a 
good action. Some must console a few souls 
only, and like daily bread meet the day's 
requirements, without enduring to the morrow." 
Another chapter however must take up the 
subject. 

CONTENT. 

" I envy not the rarer poets' gifts ; 
I ne'er repine 
That God hath given unto them a worth 
Exceeding mine. 

- With thankful heart that 1 can feel their power 
I take mj seal 

To listen to the loftier strain they sing 
Low at their feet. 

u I do not seek to echo in my verse, 
That higher strain; 






MENTAL TRAINING. 195 

For the poor thrush to strive like lark to soar 
And sing, were vain. 

" Contentedly I dwell within the shade, 
And trill my song, 
Glad if it gives a passing joy to one 
Of all the throng. 

" Because from God alike our gifts all come, 
And all fulfil, 
If rightly used, the little and the great, 

His gracious will. R. V. R. 



190 



EXCELSIOR 



CHAPTER IX. 




MENTAL TRAINING. 



{Continued.) 



ONSEIGNEUR Dupanloup's 
point of departure is this: "I 
declare unhesitatingly that it is 
a woman's duty to study and to 
educate herself, and that intel- 
lectual labor should have a place 
reserved among her special oc- 
cupations, and among her most 
important obligations." " I say, 
with St. Augustine, no creature to whom God 
has confided the lamp of intelligence, has a right 
to behave like a foolish virgin, letting the oil be- 
come exhausted because she has neglected to re- 
new it ; letting that light die out that was to 
have enlightened her path, and that of others, 
too, if only, as in the case of some wives and 
mothers, that of her husband and children." It 
is qo1 then a matter of choice for a conscientious 
woman, whether she will or will not, occupy 






MENTAL TRAINING. 197 

some part of her time in study ; it is a duty, 
something she is bound to do if she would not 
subject herself to a penalty in this life and the next 
for omitting it. Further on the Bishop begins 
to define the ends for which she should study, 
carefully giving home duties the precedence, he 
declares study will in all cases fit a woman better 
for fulfilling them, for, "If women are not the 
first apostles of the home circle, no one else can 
penetrate it ; but they must render themselves 
thoroughly capable of fulfilling their apostleship." 
Intellectual gifts, whether little or great, must 
always be supposed, in the order of Providence, 
to correspond with the duties that will be re- 
quired* of their possessors in their families and 
the world ; and therefore the more they are cul- 
tivated the better will ordinary duties be per- 
formed. 

Another important consideration for women is 
to secure some more lasting charm than mere 
youthful beauty. " As she loses it, the worth of 
her mind must increase in her husband's eyes, 
and esteem perpetuate affection." Especially 
must this be the case where the husband is a 
man of intellectual tastes, for his mind will grow 
and mature, and if the wife does not try to keep 
pace with him, "There will be brought about 
between them what one may call a mental sepa- 
ration." Mental superiority in women gives a 
security for happiness in married life, and a ma- 
ternal influence, over sons especially, that nothing 
else can give, because it makes her not only an 
17* 



198 EXCELSIOR. 



objecl of affection, bul a necessary part of their 
higher and better life, it", always, she takes rare 
to keep in her true womanly place; if while "she 
feels they are proud of her, and have need of her, 

ii <1<m-s not make her presumptuous.' 1 

Monseigneur Dupanloup Bhows the influence 
that ran be exercised on her circle of society by 
a woman who systematically cultivates her mind; 

how the tone of it can become elevated, and in 
place of idle or mischievous gossip, long discus- 
sions of dress, or whole evenings spent in danc- 
ing, she may introduce, in re-unions at her own 
house at least, more rational methods of enjoy- 
ment. It is a matter of congratulation that as- 
sociations of friends for reading and discussion 
of books, in which ladies take equal part, are 
becoming known in some of the cities of this 
country. Every mistress of a house can and 
should do her part to spread this most rational 
and agreeable plan for social amusement. Pri- 
vate musical associations are also becoming more 
common, and in both these cases, regular eve- 
nings for meeting are the custom, and in regular 
routine at the house of each member. "With 
some of these associations the very sensible rule 
prevails to have " no refreshments," or only the 
most inexpensive kind, in order that families of 
cultivated tastes but limited means may not 
be excluded by the impossibility of providing 
for the entertainment of their friends in their 
turn. 

There must be and there should be social 



MENTAL TRAINING. 199 

meetings for amusement, especially among the 
young, and it is a matter of congratulation to 
find they are not now altogether what " soci- 
ables" formerly were, mere meetings for danc- 
ing, flirting, gossip, and the display of dress. 
Every young lady who cultivates her own mind, 
and tries in her immediate circle to spread this 
better spirit, is doing a good work for God, her 
neighbor, and herself. It is not to be supposed 
that dancing is proscribed ; far from it. The 
occasional and moderate indulgence in an amuse- 
ment so natural to the young, the gay and light- 
hearted, will only give a greater zest to more in- 
tellectual enjoyments, if they, too, are cultivated. 
It is only desirable in re-unions to substitute 
something better than dancing or frivolous talk 
for a first object in meeting together. 

Mons. Dupanloup allows the force of three ob- 
jections that are made to women being studious, 
but gives reasonable answers to all three. 1st. 
"A neglect of practical duties. This danger must 
be met by fortifying practical education, by giv- 
ing young girls habits of order and regularity 
which double time and assign a place in life to 
every duty ; and above all, habits of practical 
and solid piety, which means nothing else than 
a courageous fulfillment of duty. 

" 2d. An exaltation of imagination, leading 
to craving for intellectual enjoyments that can- 
not always be granted. Here again piety alone 
can preserve the equilibrium. The important 
point is, to make education respond to the gifts 



EXCELSIOR. 

of God. Excessive culjaife is- dangerous ; insuf- 
:;i culture perhaps m< 

"3d. Pride. This musi be?preyented by good 
sense cultivated in a Christian manner. It us 
be Remarked thai if mental culture, like personal 
charms, can excite pride, study has at Leasl a 
counterpoise, It gives an enlightened serious- 
ness to the mind, while successes due to beauty 
and dress cannot but be mischievous and frivo- 
lous. We may be sure that a cultivated mind 
is of all others the best fitted to a comprehen- 
sion of duty. It is intelligent humility, that is 
to say, true modesty, which preserves from ped- 
antry. n 

Nothing is more lamentable than the folly 
of women who consider the education finished 
when they leave school. "At that age they 
have barely information enough to enable them 
to study alone. Leading strings are no longer 
needed in their education, and that is all. 
They are simply capable of continuing their 
studies, and of enjoying the pleasures of indi- 
vidual exertion. If a girl could be made to be- 
lieve this, a serious and earnest future would be 
secured to her. Young girls should regard the 
close of their first duties as the beginning of a 
life-long work, and on their marriage, in the 
first place, should establish study as one of the 
duties of existence. Later, they are engrossed 
with the education of their children, and can no 
longer work to please themselves. But even 
then the precious habit will cling to them as an 



MENTAL TRAINING. 201 

inestimable consolation to be enjoyed in every 
leisure hour ; and it remains to fill the void 
that becomes so irksome when children escape 
from their mother's guidance, and she has once 
more freedom and leisure without youth, its joys 
or its energy. Labor is a faithful friend, that 
adapts itself to the age and disposition of every 
being who takes it as a companion for life. 57 

There may be many who are willing to em- 
ploy rationally the gifts God gives them, but 
who do not know how this could be done. They 
would gladly, perhaps, spend the hours wasted 
on novels, of a more- or less objectionable class, 
in reading of a higher character, if they knew 
what to take up. Each should study her own 
tastes and abilities in the first place, and also 
her opportunities ; the object is not to become 
learned, but duly to use and strengthen by use 
her faculties of mind. Those who have talent 
for any art — music, drawing, modeling — let them 
cultivate that, not in an idle, desultory fashion, 
but seriously trying for proficiency and for un- 
derstanding of its rules and principles. 

Where books are accessible for the purpose, a 
regular course of reading may be # taken up on 
any subject that appears inviting, taking notes 
of all that is especially interesting. A study 
begun from a sense of duty, may seem uninter- 
esting at first, but if persevered in becomes ab- 
sorbingly delightful. 

During the last half centurv a multitude of 
books have been written, making, by their popu- 



EXCELSIOR. 

lar style, what were formerly very dry abstract 
subje its, comprehensible and inviting. History, 
in particular, has been so illustrated by personal 
biographies, thai one could hardly select that of 

any country without finding the interest grow 
the more it is studied. Geology, botany, natu- 
ral history in all its branches, has been popu- 
larize! by Looks, strictly scientific in their 
teachings, and yet easy, familiar, engaging in 
style. Travels again are an inexhaustible source 
of mental improvement. Truly, there is no 
want of material for study more or less within 
the reach and comprehension of all, if the will 
to study be not lacking, as alas ! it is in nearly 
all of our generation of young ladies. 

No point is of more consequence than to 
prove how easily studious habits can and should 
be reconciled to domestic duties in the greater 
number of cases. With rich women always ; 
and even those whose time is filled up, ap- 
parently, by the necessities of household occupa- 
tions, because they cannot hire enough assistance 
to dispense with the labors of their own hands, 
if they have the will, can find the way to study. 
Monseigneur Dupanloup says: "Clearly, house- 
hold cares and home duties have a superior 
claim ; husband, children, domestics, must be the 
[ interest of a woman who understands the 
rarchy of her duties;" yet, "my advice, if it 
must be precisely defined, would be that she re- 
tt least two hours — if possible three hours 
— bf each day, Por life, for intellectual culture." 



MENTAL TRAINING. 203 

"Good gracious!" many a woman will say, 
11 where are the two or three hours a day to be 
found, what shall they be taken from?" This 
point is by no means overlooked, and the plain 
answer given by the able essay is, "Let us be 
honest and confess there are two obstacles to the 
leisure required — talking and dress." Yes; 
gossip and finery. If all of her thoughts, her 
time, her interest, that she can spare from house- 
hold duties, are taken up with these two objects, 
it is truly out of the power of nearly all women 
to give any time to mental improvement. The 
lady who, even with the help of a sewing 
machine, thinks it necessary to tuck, flounce, or 
trim in some way every dress she wears ; whose 
undergarments are all more or less embroidered, 
ruffled or braided; who, to keep in the fashion, 
is all the while compelled not only to be making 
new dresses, but is perpetually remodeling her 
old ones; who, not content with sufficient 
variety for neatness, comfort, and propriety, 
according to her station, is always seeking for 
novelties in costume, to rival in appearance her 
compeers ; such an one has truly no more time 
for literary pursuits than suffices for the study of 
the monthly fashion magazine, and no more im- 
proving topics of conversation than its delightful 
pages afford, varied and spiced, now and then, 
with gossip and personal scandal. 

It must be taken for a fixed necessity by those 
who wish to adorn their minds, that some part 
of the time they use to adorn their bodies must 



EXCELSIOR. 

be given up for the purpose; and if they would 
elevate their whole mental being they musl learn 
to abstain from the trifling gossiping talk thai is 
the most lowering, vulgarizing, and exhausting 
of all mental employments. 

Self-denial on these points, systematic arran \ 
ment of household duties, strict punctuality, and 
habits vi order, " combined with a simplicity 
that suppresses useless exactions, multiply an 
industrious woman's hours and make it possible 
to meet any demand." If even with this the 
hours be wanting: "Very well, I say, for want 
of regular hours let a woman devote odd minutes 
to study. There are always some in the busiest 
lives ; moments that occur between the various 
occupations of the day ; and she must learn to 
work by fits and starts, in a desultory fashion. 
There is a wide difference between the woman 
who reads sometimes and the woman who never 
reads. If the desire to reserve a short time for 
study led to nothing more than the acquisition 
of the science of odd minutes, the result would 
be very important. The science of odd minuh 
It multiplies and fertilizes time, but books cannot 
impart it. It gives habits of order, attention, 
and precision, that react from the external to the 
moral life. The most cheerful women, the most 
equable, serviceable, and, I may add. the health- 
iest women, are those who are intelligent and 
industrious, and who, through the medium of a 
well-ordered activity, have discovered the secret 
of reconciling the duties they owe to < rod, to their 
families, and t<> tl 



MENTAL THAWING. 205 

The substance of this essay, so full of heart- 
felt benevolence and wisdom, that most applied 
to American women, has been given. The ex- 
tracts, so lucidly explaining her responsibility to 
God for His gifts to her, and so practically show- 
ing the use to be made of them, are left to the 
conscience of every lady reader. 

" O wnste not thou the smallest thing 

Created by Divinity, 
For grains of dust the mountains make, 

And atomies infinity. 
And waste not thou the smallest time, 

'T is man's insane infirmity ; 
For well thou knowest, if aught thou knowest, 

That moments make eternity." 



18 



20G 



EXCELSIOR, 



CHAPTER X. 




PHYSICAL TRAINING. 

GREAT deal is said riow-a-days 
on the physical education of men, 
and a little, not half enough, on 
that of women. Kot half enough 
because of the two the point has 
hitherto been the most neglected 
with her, and yet as being, in 
America, generally the most frail 
in constitution, she needs physi- 
cal training the most. There 
are far more lady invalids than gentlemen ; mild 
valitudinarians, never either very sick or very 
well, who go through life very uselessly, a doleful 
burden on themselves and their unlucky friends. 
Of the greater part of these it is presumably 
certain, if they had early in life contracted 
healthy habits, of regular and sufficient exercise 
especially, they would have been brisk, energetic 
women, capable and eager to do the work God 
gives them in their own households, or in the world, 



PHYSICAL TRAINING. 207 

instead of filling no other place than the very 
undesirable one of giving other people an oppor- 
tunity of exercising their patience. For real in- 
valids no tenderness and compassion is too great, 
but for these irritating people, whose ailments 
are the effects of indolence and mismanagement, 
it is hard to feel any patience at all. 

It is the fact, not one woman in a hundred, 
whose occupations do not compel it, ever takes 
enough exercise. Even little girls and young 
ladies, as compared with their brothers of the 
same age, are sedentary in their amusements, 
and consequently take less exercise. For 
younger girls there are always some few active 
sports that give them a chance, as well as their 
brothers, to exercise their limbs enough to put the 
blood in circulation, and their voices sufficiently 
once in a while to inflate the whole lungs ; but 
for young ladies there has been a great want of 
something of the kind. Of late years there has 
been some little improvement, but very little. 
Calisthenics do not fully supply the want. The 
apparatus is cumbrous, not always at hand, and 
worst of all, a woman's dress is such a restraint 
on freedom of action ; to have the benefit of 
calisthenics it is necessary to change it and 

J o 

assume a costume better adapted for liberty of 
movement, a trouble very few care to take. 

The exercises of physical training schools, 
established in some cities, are exceedingly beau- 
tiful; they must be seen to be appreciated. 
Every limb, joint and muscle is exercised, and 



208 EXCELSIOR. 

made strong and supple. The evolutions are 

performed simultaneously by all, to music, and 
under the guidance of a drill-master. Both 
ladies and gentlemen frequent them. Thev are 
far more efficient in producing elegance of form 
and carriage, and grace of motion, than dancing 
schools can ever be; and, as regards improve- 
ment of health, there can be no comparison. 
They are, however, not available for many 
persons. 

Yet still some other means, more in the reach 
of all, are at hand. Skating in winter, and cro- 
quet in summer, is doing something to supply 
the want, and it would be well if archery, so 
much in vogue with English ladies, could also be 
more generally introduced as another induce- 
ment to out-of-door amusements among Ameri- 
can young ladies. 

It is a mistake when little girls are encouraged 
to engage in only quiet, "lady-like" plays, and 
informed that all noisy ones are hoidenish and 
rude. If there is "a time for all things, M there 
is a proper time for being noisy for a sensible 
purpose, and this purpose is, as a wise and 
humane doctor averred in excuse for over- 
musical babies : 

"'Tis always better 
To lay no fetter 

Upon the chest ; 
To expand the lungs 
By use of tongues 

Is surely best." 



There are three obstacles that women in gen 



; 






PHYSICAL TRAINING. 209 



eral put in the way of good physical training, 
and personal vanity is at the root of all three of 
these objections. First, they dislike instinct- 
ively all that can deprive them of the delicate, 
waxen beauty that is especially prized among 
themselves, and, as they suppose, most admired 
by gentlemen. A healthy, robust, ' ' wholesome 
looking woman, is by the generality of her sex 
considered coarse, though she may be, and 
probably is, the possessor of a finer skin, bright- 
ened with purer blood, than half the pale, refined, 
" aristocratic " looking belles who plume them- 
selves on their superiority. To produce this 
whiteness of skin there are thousands who, 
though they would on no account paint, yet 
do not scruple to use deleterious powders, and 
sedulously avoid all that can roughen or tan 
the complexion, as free, sufficient and regular 
exposure to the air, in all weathers, must do, 
more or less. 

The second obstacle to good physical training 
is, that in dress they are guided not by common 
sense, that would at least try to adapt fashion 
to comfort and health, but by the sole object to 
be as much in the prevailing mode as possible. 

Thirdly, they have altogether erroneous ideas 
as to what true beauty of form consists in, and 
are always trying, by ill-judged constraints of 
the waist, feet and hands, to make them smaller 
than nature intended. With all these obstacles 
to free movement of the person, it is impossible 
that women can ever have, even in proportion to 
18* 



210 EXCELSIOR 

their Btrength, as much exercise as men, who in 
all three respects are free from restraint. 

There are some sensible w<5men to whom 
these remarks have no application, but for the 
mosl pari they arc stereotyped, and follow one 
another's lead, precisely as a flock of sheep do, 
and probably, in these matters, with as much or 
as little exercise of reason. 

During the prevalence of east winds in 
Spring, those "piping March breezes," which, 
preceding April showers, "make way for May 
flowers/ 1 there are thousands of ladies, in the 
cities especially, who pass days and weeks with- 
out out-of-door exercise, not only because of the 
discomfort of the weather, but "because it spoils 
the complexion so." They make the same ob- 
jection to the sun in summer and the frost in 
winter; so that, taking the whole year round, 
there are few days indeed that precisely suit 
their fastidious ideas as suitable even for a gentle 
promenade on the fashionable side of the street, 
and at the fashionable hour. The brisk, vigor- 
ous walk, allowing the arms also some freedom 
to move, that gentlemen may enjoy, is almost 
unknown to ladies, and probably there are few 
of the latter who will not lift their hands in 
astonishment and dismay, if told that for a 
woman of average health and strength, four 
miles a day of rapid walking is about the right 
amount of exercise for preserving and improving 
the health. Of course, in hot weather this rule 
needs modification. 



PHYSICAL TRAINING. 211 

Those ladies who, either from necessity or 
choice, "do their own chamberwork," and pass 
at least one hour, often more, daily with open 
windows, sweeping, dusting, and moving furni- 
ture, need very little of what may be called 
artificial exercise ; in such work every limb and 
every muscle is brought into play in the very 
best and most natural manner, and the result is, 
an equally glowing satisfaction of mind and 
body, in the triple consciousness of a duty per- 
formed, the exercise taken, and the neatly- 
arranged, comfortable dwelling. 

It is precisely the many inducements given for 
out-of-door exercise, and the systematic rules 
that oblige all to partake of it, that make 
country institutions for education, beyond com- 
parison, preferable to city ones, for ladies espe- 
cially ; the latter may have every other advan- 
tage, but lacking this, a city education can 
never be as perfect, physically, as a country one. 
What in the country is only graceful, natural 
ease, and freedom of voice and movement, is in 
the city rude romping. 

The second and third obstacles women put in 
the way of sufficient exercise, must be considered 
together. If a woman of the average degree of 
intelligence, taste, and education, is taken into 
the presence of some chef d'oeuvre of statuary 
art, either ancient or modern, in which feminine 
beauty is depicted, either draped or undraped, if 
she speaks out her thoughts candidly, without 
the affectation of admiring because she is ex- 



212 EXCELSIOR. 

pected to admire, her first exclamation is: 

"Pear me! why, what a big waist, loot, and 
hands it has," accompanied perhaps by a com- 
placent glance at her own, that have, by years 
of persevering effort, been reduced to the stand- 
ard of fashionable ideas of beauty in form. 
But to the eyes of the artist, the anatomist, and 
the sensible woman, how different is the impres- 
sion made. And why? Because they see in 
the masterpiece before them that exact propor- 
tion of parts, which, combined with grace of 
outlines and elegance of attitude, constitutes true 
beauty of form. An unnaturally small waist, 
with equally unnaturally full development of the 
bust, is what, in the eyes of nearly all women, 
constitutes a fine figure; because their ideas are 
taken from a modiste s lay figure, not the 
''human form divine" as truthfully depicted in 
the works of the masters of art. They would 
think the Venus de Medicis herself needs a pair 
of French corsets and a pound of cotton batting 
to bring her up to their standard of beaut}'. 
Said a lady of this class, describing in enrap- 
tured admiration the figure of a friend: "She is 
quite tall, and forty inches round the shoulders 
and bust, while her waist is only nineteen 
inches!" That is about the circumference of an 
ordinary stove pipe. Another young lady, who 
would have been exceedingly indignant at any 
imputation being cast on her delicacy of mind 
and modesty, and who probably was only more 
sincere in expressing what others think without 



PHYSICAL TRAINING, 213 

putting into words, gave this plain reason to the 
author for trying to produce this unnatural com- 
pression and development of the person: "There 
is nothing more attractive to gentlemen." Good 
heavens ! to what lengths will not vanity lead 
women ? 

As regards hands and feet, the former, fortu- 
nately, cannot be subjected to any great degree 
of distortion, for that is the right word to use, 
yet nevertheless they often do penance for their 
owner's vanity in many an hour of benumbed 
compression in tight kid gloves. But for the 
latter, what Mrs. Partington calls the " torches 
of the imposition," have certainly never inflicted 
one hundredth part of the agonies that have 
been endured, with misplaced fortitude, by 
young ladies, and old ones too, in their determi- 
nation to show as small a foot as possible, and 
to wear for that purpose No. 2 or No. 3 boots, 
when nature most eloquently implores a size or 
two larger in each case. In course of time 
nature is generally compelled to succumb, and by 
persevering process of compression, the foot is 
reduced in size, but almost always at the expense 
of shape, as the unnatural enlargement of the 
big-toe joint in so many cases proves. 

No question is more common among ladies, 
discussing dress and toilet matters, than, " What 
number boots do you wear?" and if the reply is 
No. 3 or No. 4, the interrogator, in pretended 
surprise, but really gratified vanity, will say 
very often, "Why I only wear two and a half, 



214 EXCELSIOR. 

and they are quite big for me; I could wear 
number two's." Whereupon the number three 
lady will, on her next visil to her shoemaker, 
try if she cannot force her foot into a Bize 

smaller hoots, and finding she can, buys them, 
and endures, with heroic constancy, long weeks 
or months of suffering until her feet, like a Chi- 
nese infant's, have learned to accommodate 
themselves to their narrow quarters. 

The poet who, in a paroxysm of enthusiasm — ■ 
or nonsense — described how his lady-love's f< 
beneath her dainty 

"Petticoat, 
Like little mice peeped in and out," 

must either have had most absurd ideas of pro- 
portion, or the lady herself must altogether have 
had the dimensions of Mrs. Tom Thumb. 

A traveler in the Orient, going through a part 
of the country where the hostility of the natives 
to Europeans would have endangered his life, 
disguised himself by staining his skin and 
assuming the costume of the country so effec- 
tually that, speaking the language to perfection, 
he believed he could defy detection. He did so, 
indeed, till an unusually acute, but fortunately 
for him, unusually magnanimous chief of one of 
the tribes, detected him by noticing the shape of 
his feet, which, from wearing civilized foot gear, 
was quite dissimilar from the natural shape, seen 
in the Arab foot that has never known any 
cramping confinement in its sandal. 



PHYSICAL TRAINING. 215 

Dickens, who never lets any of the absurdities 
of human nature pass unnoticed, has a capital 
scene, illustrating the vanity of women regarding 
little feet, in " Nicholas Mckleby," where " Miss 
Knag," describing the unrivaled smallness of 
the feet of "her family," illustrated by the exhi- 
bition of her own, is brought up short by the 
remark, "they must be just like club feet." 

This topic — the want of common sense and 
good taste, in the the majority of women, in 
pnysical training — could be enlarged on much 
farther; enough, however, has been said for 
those who are willing to give the matter consid- 
eration, and to try if they cannot act more in 
accordance with the dictates of enlightened 
reason, and of refined judgment, to see where 
they had better begin; on the larger number, 
who, it is feared, will prefer the gratification of 
ignorant, tasteless vanity, at the expense of 
health and comfort, it is useless to waste more 
time or argument. 






216 



EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTER XL 

MISCELLANEOUS. 

OR men there are as many " voca- 
tions M in the world as there are 
professions, callings and trades, but 
it would appear that, in the esti- 
mation of women, there is but one 
vocation for them — to be married ; 
to become wives, mothers and mis- 
tresses of households, and to enter 
on this vocation they give their 
most earnest aspirations in all the earlier years 
of womanhood, whether they acknowledge the 
fact or not. ^Nor is it wrong for a woman to 
desire married life, if it is in the order of Provi- 
dence, and those who would prohibit all thoughts 
on the subject, who proscribe as improper and 
unbecoming all such considerations of, and rea- 
sonings about, such a probable future to young 
ladies, are taking very useless pains for an im- 
possible end. The simple truth is, the vocation 
God does send to the greater part of women is 







MISCELLANEO US. 217 

precisely this and no other — to become what in 
the expressive German phrase is called the 
"house mother." 

It is the case even with, that very large class 
of women in this country, those, not of the un- 
educated, lowest rank, but of more or less intel- 
ligence and refinement, whose circumstances 
compel them to apply to some calling in both 
city and country. They take up teaching, the 
lower metiers of the fine arts, (now happily 
becoming more and more placed within their 
reach, by the establishment of schools of design 
for women, in several of our cities), they enter 
stores as saleswomen, they give themselves to 
many manual occupations where taste and neat- 
ness are required, besides what is considered 
their peculiar province, needlework of all kinds ; 
but even these we say never take up any calling 
as a man does his, as for life. 

There is not one who does not look for some 
other future, whether they find it or not, but the 
fact is, almost all do find the future they look 
for, simply because they were intended to find 
it; and the ranks they leave are continually 
filled up by those who, in their turn, take the 
work as a temporary expedient. It has been 
well remarked that the fact of woman looking 
on marriage as her real and proper end and aim 
is, and always will be, the greatest bar to the 
claims of late years made for her of equal rights 
to enter on professions and callings hitherto con- 
sidered to belong to men alone. Considering it 
19 



218 EXCELSIOR 

only as a temporary expedient, she never gives 
to the Btudy of any calling the pains a man 
- in order to become proficient, because lie 
looks on it as a life object. 

[f tli*' Larger part of women,-then, are born 
to be married, why should they not think of it, 
provided always they think in the right way? 
They will and do think of it. and the only right 
course to be taken with the young is to give 
thorn just an<l sensible ideas on the e .or 

they will have false and romantic oiios. A' 
young ladies seem to think the whole lore of the 
matter comes by intuition, and either look on it 
from the wholly romantic point of view, exp 
ing ki love after marriage" will be just a second 
edition, revised and improved, of love before, or 
if one having a little more sense gives some 
consideration to the certain duties and p - 
sible trials of married life, the probability 
is she glosses all over with vague sentimental 
ideas, very unlike the hard realities she will 
find of one kind or another, and enters on her 
married life with expectations that will be 
disappointed. 

It is the truth, that nothing in this life is of 
more importance for a woman to take a practical 
view of than marriage, nothing in which she 
aid be more carefully guided by reason and 
good sense, and nothing, unfortunately, in which 
much influ by fooling, impulse, 

a accident. She will often spend more anx- 
ious thought, take more solicitous care, in the 



MISCELLANEOUS. 219 

choice of her house, and the selection of its fur- 
niture, than to study the disposition, and ascer- 
tain the habits of him who is to be its master. 
"None are so blind as those who will not see," 
and of the multitudes of improvident and ill- 
assorted marriages that occur daily, there are 
very few that do not owe all their misery to 
simple rashness. " Marry in haste and repent 
at leisure," has passed into a proverb, with more 
living illustrations, most likely, than any other. 
The woman is wise who has the courage and 
prudence to weigh in time the different degrees 
of suffering, in disappointing, misplaced affec- 
tions before marriage, or, for the momentary 
gratification of a love that cannot last, laying 
up for herself a life-long repentance; or pre- 
paring for herself the temptation to do even 
worse, in severing by divorce those ties God has 
declared shall never, but for one cause, be broken. 

Women in this matter have no choice but 
that of accepting or rejecting offers made to 
them ; but to compensate for this they have far 
greater powers of adaptation than men have. 
They can more easily conform themselves to 
circumstances, and to the characters of their 
husbands, than the husband can adapt his to his 
wife's. 

We call this a compensation for the want of 
choice they have, and so it is, but it makes a 
wife's responsibilities greater, for she is the more 
to blame for estrangement, if either, after mar- 
riage, finds the disposition and tastes of the 



220 EXCELSIOR. 

other differeni from what was expected. Any 
dose observer will perceive thai the happiesl 
and mosl united marriages are not those where 
there is the greatesl similarity of disposition, 
bul those where, while each character has some 
traits iii which the other is lacking, the wife has 
the good sense to pul in practice this facility of 
adapting herself to her husband's peculiarities of 
mind and taste. It is supposed, of course. 
far as her conscience will sanction. 

.Precisely because a wile's greatesl claim on her 
husband is for protection, his greatest claim on 
her is for submission, and just in proportion as 
each, in little things even more than great, 
understand and fulfill these duties, will their 
marriage be a united and happy one. Self-sac- 
rifice is the truest womanly virtue, and above 
all in a wife ; not, as some do, by ostentatiously 
making martyrs of themselves, but in this 
loving, unobtrusive adaptation of herself to her 
husband's tastes and wishes. Unless singularly 
unfortunate in the husband she has found, more 
unfortunate than is very often the case, such 
conduct as this will be the best security for some 
degree of happiness in marriages, where the wife 
finds herself mistaken in her expectations. 

"Well begun is half done," is remarkably 
true of marriage. The management of the first 
few months, after the novelty of their new life 
has a little worn off, but especially management 
on the wife's side, will probably give the tone to 
their whole ensuing life. An error at that time, 



MISCELLANEO US. 221 

the first discordance of wills, the first manifes- 
tation of difference of tastes and dispositions, 
will be 

" The little rift within the lute, 
That, by and by, will make all music mute, 
And,, ever widening, slowly silence all." 

Let the young wife beware, then, of making 
this "little rift/' by even the shadow of a first 
quarrel. Quarrels are evil weeds, that cannot 
be extirpated ; each one leaves a seed that will 
in time spring up, and produce a plant stronger 
and more deeply rooted than the last. 

A perfect marriage is so beautiful that God 
Himself chose it as the type of the holiest, the 
closest of all unions, that between Himself and 
His church, and by the mouth of His Apostle, 
He holds up this union as an example of the 
reverence a wife should have for her husband : 
"Being subject to their husbands as (the church) 
to the Lord." — -(Eph. v.) A true wife's affection 
and respect will ennoble her husband in her 
eyes, even if he is mentally her inferior, and 
where he is the superior, her efforts to be worthy 
of him will ennoble her. When a husband has 
great and lofty aims in the world, no sympathy, 
no encouragement he can meet will so support 
and cheer him as that of an earnest, true- 
hearted wife. 

" I have seen one whose eloquence commanding, 
Roused the rich echoes of the human breast ; 
The blandishments of wealth and ease withstanding, 
That hope might reach the suffering and opprest. 
13* 



222 EXCELSIOR 

u And by his Bide there moved b form of beauty, 
Strewing sweet flowers along ids path of Life, 

And looking up with meek and love-lent duty; 

I called her angdy bat he called her Wife? 

These chapters are chiefly for ladies, and these 
lines following will be appreciated by them, but 
perhaps also meel eyes to which they are more 
specially addressed : 

WILT THOU LOVE HER STILL? 

M Wilt thou love her still, when the sunny curls 
That over her bosom flow 
Will be faced with the silver threads of age, 

And her step fall Bad and slow ? 
Wilt thou love her still, when the summer smiles 
On her lips no longer live ? 
1 I will love her still, 
With right good will P 
Thou wilt love her still? Then our cherished one 
To thy sheltering arms we give. 

M Wilt thou love her still, when her changeful eyes 
Have grown dim with sorrow's rain; 
When the bosom that beats against thy own 

Throbs slow with the weight of pain; 
When her silvery laugh rings out no more, 
And vanished her youthful charms? 
k With free good will, 
I shall love her still!' 
Thou wilt love her still? Then our dearest one 
We give to thy loving arms." 

11 Remember no grief has she ever known, 

Her heart is light and free; 
None other with falterless step has pressed 

It- innermost shrine but thee! 
Then wilt love her still, when the thoughts of her youth 

In their blushing bloom depart? 



MISCELLANEOUS. 223 

* Through good and ill, 
I will love her still ! ' 
Thou wilt love her still ? Then our darling take 
To the joy of thy noble heart ! 

" When her father is dead, and the emerald sod 
Lies soft on her mother's breast ; 
When her brother's voice is no longer heard, 

And her sister 1 s hushed to rest, — 
Wilt thou love her still ? for to thee she looks, 
Her star on life's troubled sea ! 
' 1 will love her still, 
Through good and ill ! ' 
With the marriage vow on her youthful lip, 
Then we give our child to thee !" 

A chapter on married life would be incomplete 
without some words on maternal duties. It is 
said there is a growing tendency among married 
women of education to hold these duties as oner- 
ous, to be unwilling to take the responsibilities 
and endure the trials and cares of maternity. 
The young lady who thinks of entering on mat- 
rimony without also seriously considering before 
God what her duties will be in this relation, and 
whether or not she will have the courage, patience, 
and tenderness to fulfill them, " commits a folly 
and a crime." A large part of the duties of mar- 
ried life consists in the care of children, and the 
burden must be borne mostly by the mother. 
Very selfish and ungenerous is the woman's heart 
that is fain coldly to reject this most beautiful 
and holy of all her duties, and, if forced to do so, 
reluctantly takes up, as a hard cross, what God 
intended should be for her, if faithful, rather a 
crown of honor and rejoicing. 



224 EXCELSIOR. 

Bishop Dupanloup makes it one of his Btr< 
arguments for mental cultivation in young 
ladies, and its persevering continuance after mar- 
riage,. # thai they arc hound by all laws of God 
and Nature to become, in their earlier years, the 
instructor, and later, the guide and example of 
their children. He says, in substance: " Ladies 
cannot be real companions and help-mates to 
their husbands — they cannot bear the part which 
they ought to hear in the education of their child- 
ren without this kind of interest and cultivation 
in themselves." "The mother should be the 
first teacher both of boys and girls, and school- 
days are sometimes made to come too soon in the 
life of children, on account of the idleness and 
incapacity of young parents/' 

All of these chapters, but especially this one, 
are merely suggestive. They do not profess to 
do more than give those to whom they are ad- 
dressed subjects for reflection, which they them- 
selves must follow out to their proper conclusions. 

In any other view they are very incomplete, 
and will sadly fail in their purpose if they do not 
lead those who read them far deeper into the 
subjects introduced than opportunity has allowed 
the author to go. 

MOTHERHOOD. 

I thought my cup of joy was full, my heart was overflowing, 

With its sense of perfect happiness, its brimming of content ; 
I felt no need of other love than the love still ever-growing — 

The deep, calm love the true wife feels, with all her being 
blent. 



MISCELLANEOUS. 225 

But 0, mothers, liappy mothers ! who share with me this sweet- 
ness — 

This fullness and beatitude of woman's perfect life — 
Ye know row like a crowning crown, in glory and completeness, 

Comes the added joy of motherhood to the most blessed wife. 

My heart is joying in your joy, I am full of glad thanksgiving. 

That thousands share my blessedness, my mother-hope and 
pride, 
Not only in the present day, the passing moment living, 

But prophecying future years ; a future grand and wide. 

But O, ye know the trembling, the wistful, passionate yearning, 

Half-trusting in God's pitying love — half-fearful for love's 

sake — 

That the little life that came from heaven, ere yet earth's lessons 

learning, 

Some waiting angel still stands by, back unto heaven to Itoke. 

O mothers, childless mothers ! ye who have known the blessing, 
The depth of wordless rapture, the thrilling joy I know ; — 

The nestling of the little head, the tiny hands caressing — 
But through the same deep rapture reached a deeper depth of 
woe. 

My heart is grieving in your grief, my eyes with pity weeping, 
To think of you with empty arms, forsaken and bereft ! 

And I closer clasp the little form, upon my bosom sleeping, 
And pray with yet more earnest prayers my darling may be 
left. 

Yet in every alternation of hope and anxious questing, 
In all the swaying to and fro 'tween rapturing joy and pain, 

One deep, sweet thought is ever mine, one full, unvarying blessing, 
The holy rights of motherhood I can never lose again. 

Whether my child remains with me on earth, or back to heaven 
God calls the tiny baby-life, when a few short days are o'er — 

Or to see him imhis manhood's pride, to my mother-love be given, 
My child that God hath given me is my child forevermore. 

R. Y. R. 



22G 



EXCELSIOR 



CHAPTER XII. 



MISCELLANEOUS. 
c/^J^9 {Continued.) 

'HERE are numberless little bie?i- 
seances, the observance or non- 
observance of which mark the 
perfection or lack of good breed- 
ing among ladies. Mere conven- 
tional forms are not here alluded 
to ; they have their value, and it 
is well to acquire as large a knowl- 
edge of them as possible; but 
governing the conduct by their rules does not 
make the lady in the absence of something 
better. Many a woman, in total ignorance of 
conventional rules, is yet, by the possession of 
this " something better," so guided in manners 
as to have the most just claim to the title of 
perfect lady. It may be defined as a nice sense 
of propriety, guided by goodness of heart; and 
the latter, if cultivated, almost inevitably leads 




MISCELLANEOUS. 227 

to the former, and both are susceptible of culti- 
vation. 

Probably, the manners of St. Paul, the 
Apostle, had as elegant finish as the world 
ever saw in a being with the nature of ordi- 
nary humanity; his code of good manners, 
contained in parts of his epistles, was inspired 
by God Himself, and is undoubtedly the most 
perfect ever recorded. The concise epitome of 
all is contained in a few verses from two of his 
epistles, "Charity is patient, is kind: Charity 
envieth not, dealeth not perversely: Is not 
puffed up, is not ambitious, seeketh not her 
own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no 
evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth with 
the truth: Beareth all things, believeth all 
things, endureth all things." (1 Cor., xiii.) 
And : " Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever 
modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, what- 
soever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there 
be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think 
on these things." (Phil, iv.) 

It is hoped in all that has been said in these 
chapters, if tried by the test of St. Paul's code, 
nothing will be found that is not in strict accord- 
ance with its spirit ; many other thoughts like 
these would suggest themselves to any one 
studying to apply it to their own conduct. But 
how many think of applying this code to the 
little every-day intercourse of society and 
domestic life? Yet it was precisely in this 
view it was given by the Apostle. The eight 



EX0EL6I0B. 

beatitudes include, it is said, in themselves in- 
struction for the perfect practice of the spiritual 
part of Christianity in every station of Life, 
may it be Baid of these precepts, they include the 
whole practice of Christian etiquette. 

If many of the things pointed out to do or to 
avoid seem of very trifling consequence, we can 
only reply by quoting, in all reverence, "He 
that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful 
also in that which is greater; and he that is un- 
just in that which is little, is also unjust in that 
which is greater." And is it not by trifles 
almost our whole lives are made up? A few 
miscellaneous remarks will finish all there is 
opportunity left to say. 

In company, young ladies would do well to 
avoid the orer-affectionateness of manner to lady 
friends that is too much the habit among them. 
The constant practice of kissing is a positive 
annoyance to the more sensible portion, and in 
the street, or on meeting at a public assembly, 
it is looked on with absolute disgust by the more 
refined. There are thousands who never meet 
an acquaintance anywhere without going through 
this form, for it is generally nothing more. Two 
groups of ladies meeting, especially in the str- 
and going through this greeting, is indeed a 
moving Bight, not to the sensitive heart, but the 
risible muscles. The spectacle is simply ridicu- 
lous. At proper time- and in proper places, 
real, sincerely felt affection may be, and ought 
to be indulged, but this exaggerated and public 



MISCELLANEOUS, 229 

manifestation of indiscriminate regard, is one of 
those "customs more honored in the breach than 
the observance. " A clever girl defined the 
standard of manners of a new acquaintance by 
describing her as "one of the kissy sort;" and 
another said, she always dreaded meeting certain 
of her acquaintance, "because their kisses w r ere 
so terribly juicy." 

Of the same standard of elegance are the cus- 
toms of some young ladies at social parties of 
sitting close together, holding each other's hands, 
laying their arms around each other's necks, or 
promenading the room encircling each other's 
waists. None of these things are wrong in the 
right place, they are only not right in the wrong 
one. Ladies may be sure that gentlemen, for 
whose edification they generally, in public, show 
off these "airs and graces," only laugh at them. 

Do not permit a gentleman, who is a mere 
ordinary acquaintance, to read with you from 
the same book or paper, to sit with his arm rest- 
ing on the back of your chair, to touch your 
curls, or in short any of the ill-bred familiarities 
ignorant young men offer till taught better by 
the lady. Never allow a gentlemen to inspect a 
ring on your hand, a bracelet, or above all a 
brooch while wearing it. Take it off to be ex- 
amined and then replace it. 

In these days, when everybody has his or her 
photograph taken, too many young ladies do not 
scruple to bestow their's on every chance ac- 
quaintance who requests it. No persuasions 
20 



230 RXCELSIOR. 

oughl to prevail on a really modesl girl to allow 
her's to come into the rx >n of any bul her 

nearest and dearest friends. If she 'bestows it 
indiscriminately on gentlemen acquaintance, she 
risks having it exhibited to their companions, 
and her face and her name becoming known to 
th-»sc she would Mush to be supposed to know. 
Akin to this, and not less reprehensible, is 
accepting the likenesses of gentlemen. There 
are some girls — ladies they are not — who use 
every means to obtain as many portraits as they 
can, and enshrining them in an album, exhibit 
these precious souvenirs of their folly to their 
friends, to provoke their envy by this token of 
the number of cavaliers they have in their 
train. 

No lady will accept a present of any value 
from a gentleman who is not entitled by right to 
offer it. A bouquet, a book, or similar trifles 
are different, but any thing of intrinsic value 
should be politely, but firmly declined. Only a 
man ignorant of the usages of refinement, pre- 
sumes to offer such snfts. 

Some ladies, so far from shrinking from the 
acceptance of presents from gentlemen, will 
endeavor to obtain them by hardly concealed 
manoeuvres. This was the well-merited rebuke 
a gentleman once £ave with a wld thimble thus 
forced from him : 

" I send you this thimble 
For finger nimble, 
I hope it will fit when you try it ; 



MISCELLANEO US. 23 1 

It will last you long 
If it's half as strong 
As the hint you gave me to buy it." 

"Philopoenas " are also of this class; the gen- 
tleman is always expected to pay whether he 
wins or loses. A lady will decline having any- 
thing to do with them; or with wagers for 
gloves, <£c, that some lay with the full intention 
of exacting the penalty. 

On a par with these kinds of meannesses — 
for however sportively carried on, it is real mean- 
ness under all — is that of contracting pecuniary 
obligations to gentlemen by accepting frequent 
invitations from them to places of amusement, 
courses of lectures, concerts, summer excursions, 
&c, and even, as some do, procuring these invi- 
tations by hints of the lady's desires for them. 
A lady who has no relative to serve as her 
escort, and is dependent on the kindness of 
acquaintances, could and ought to have it under- 
stood, that if she accepts frequently the conve- 
nience of a gentleman's escort, she desires and 
intends to provide for her own expenses, and if 
he is a gentleman he will appreciate her inde- 
pendence, and respect her the more for not being 
willing to incur such obligations to him. As 
every lady is dependent on gentlemen for such 
needful escort and protection ; if there is no one 
she can claim it from as a right, and does not 
wish to be debarred from all social amusements, 
it cannot be wrong for her to avail herself of 
such as it is in her power to procure, but this 



232 EXCELSIOR. 

does not justify her m levying such a tax on the 
purses of mere acquaintance, as a Bingle winto 
frequenting of such places would amount to in 
the aggregate. 

The lady author, quoted in a previous chapter, 

says, speaking of conversations between ladies 
and gentlemen: "It is a problem difficult to 
solve, why so many ladies of good abilities and 
cultivated minds, and who always, with their 

own sex, talk like intelligent, sensible women, 
should, as soon as they get into conversation with 
a gentleman, seem to take leave of rationality, and 
demean themselves like utter fools. "We grieve 
to see a charming, modest, refined young lady, 
almost the moment a gentleman begins to talk to 
her, changing her whole demeanor, and quickly 
becoming bold, forward and nonsensical. We 
are glad to see vivacity in "women of all ag 
and if they have a sprinkling of wit and humor, 
so much the better. But we wish them to do 
themselves justice, and not, when conversing with 
men, run wild, and give themselves up to all 
manner of folly." 

So much for the coquettish and silly; but she 
has a word, too, for those who have a leaning to 
err on the other side, and to assume too much 
when conversing with gentlemen : 

11 Generally speaking, it is injudicious for ladies 
to attempt arguing with gentlemen on political 
or financial topics. All the information that a 
woman can possibly acquire or remember on 
these subjects is bo small, in comparison with the 



MISCELLANEOUS. 233 

knowledge of men, that the discussion will not 
elevate her in the opinion of masculine minds. 
Still, it is well for a woman to desire enlighten- 
ment, that she may comprehend something of 
these discussions when she hears them from men ; 
therefore, let her listen, but refrain from contro- 
versy or argument. Men are very intolerant 
towards women who are prone to contradiction 
and contention, when the talk is of things con- 
sidered out of their sphere ; but very indulgent 
to a modest and attentive listener, who only asks 
questions for the sake of information. Men like 
to dispense knowledge ; but few of them believe 
that, in departments exclusively their own, 
they can profit much by the suggestions of 
women." 

The practice that prevails with ladies of this 
country, more than any other, of making Sunday 
morning the time, and a church the place, for the 
display of their newest and most fashionable 
attire, is in the worst possible taste. All respect 
should be shown to the sacred time and place, 
but neatness and propriety having been provided 
for, the more simply dressed and quietly una- 
dorned a lady is, the more becoming and congru- 
ous will be her costume. Who has not heard St. 
Jerome's famous philippic against the over-dressed 
ladies, who appeared at church in his time : 

" Yet worldly is that heart at best, 
That beats beneath a broidered veil ; 
And she who comes in glittering yest 
To mourn her frailty, still is frail." 
20* 



234 * x < 'ELSIOB. 

The author quoted a page back, herself a 
Protestant^ notices, with warm approbation, the 
practice of the Ladies of some Catholic countries 
of haying a special and very plain dress for 
church — a black dress, a mantle with hood that 
shades the face, and veil, 1 >< * 1 1 1 also of plain 
black. She earnestly wishes Buch an appro- 
priate and commendable custom could be intro- 
duced in this country. Buch a wish is. however, 
hopeless; but is it not possible for ladies to mod- 
ify the too profuse display of their finery in 
church? 

Space will not allow the notiee of many other 
manifestations of lack of reason, laek of taste, 
and lack of independence of mind among women ; 
so common, indeed, that they pass without a 
thought being given to them by nearly all. If 
only every lady, every conscientious woman, in- 
stead of allowing herself to be led by custom, 
fashion, and vanity, would do her own thinking, 
and, taking St. Paul's standard of ethics, model 
herself on it, the difference in her own life and 
the lives of those she influences would soon be- 
come perceptible. Duties would become evident 
she never before suspected, and duties already 
known would no longer be looked on as degrading 
drudgeries, but ennobled by high motives. Ro- 
mance would not be destroyed, but, put in its 
proper place — in subjection to the realities of 
lite — help to make them interesting. She would 
look with equal disfavor on a useless, idle, vain, 
dressing, gossiping, flirting, novel-reading life. 



MISCELLANEOUS. 235 

without an aim or end, except self-gratification, 
and the bold, presuming, aggressive life claimed 
by the mistaken " women's-rights " portion of her 
sisters. Simply content with the place God gives 
her, because it is the one he gives, she would 
have no other ambition, nor desire any greater 
happiness — -for none greater could be attained in 
this life — than she would surely find in the en- 
deavor to live up to all its requirements. 



YBESES 

TO ASSIST THE MEMORY IN RETAINING 
THE SUBSTANCE OF THE PRE- 
CEDING CHAPTERS. 



PART I. 



FOR YOUNG GENTLEMEN. 



237 



LIFE. 239 



CHAPTER I. 

LIFE. 

Passing along life's devious ways, 
How shall we our Creator praise, 

And guard at once our own weak heart, 
And others show the better part ? 

By trying, with an earnest will, 
Mind, body, soul to train with skill ; 

Learning with artless art to please, 

Look more, and speak with well-bred ease ; 

Gaining kind friends by kindly act, 
By deference, politeness, tact. 

For still, as through life's ways we go, 
Again we win what we bestow. 

And all may wield this potent spell, 
If duly trained and chastened well. 



240 EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTER II. 

HOME. 

Who knows not that, in Nature's plan, 
"The child is father to the man?" 

For what, at home, we learn to be, 
Just that the outward world will see. 

The vulgar boy — the base, low churl — 
The selfish, rude, unmannered girl — 

Or, gentle, polished and polite, 
The lady true and little knight, 

Are formed and modeled by the care 
That fashions heart and manners there. 

Let not rough words or angry jar 
The peace of hearth and table mar, 

Nor bitter, hard, ungenial ways 

Make saddened thoughts for after-days. 

When first, at morn, you meet each friend, 

A cheerful ''avant-courier " send, 



HOME. 241 

And let a smiling, glad "good-morrow," 
Give prophecy of joy, not sorrow; — 

At night, a gentle, low "good even," 
Fall like a blessing asked from heaven. 



By kind, obliging, thoughtful deed 
Try to forestall each daily need 

Of all around. With modest grace, 
Take, as your due, the lowest place, 

And not, with selfish vain conceit, 
Dispute, and claim the upper seat. 

The courtesy you hold due to others 
Give to your sisters and your brothers. 



Chill is the heart and base the mind, 
That can repay a parent kind 

"With hard contempt or cold neglect, 
And childhood's hallowed ties reject; 

Or blush, because old-fashioned ways 
Suit not the taste of modern days. 

The softest chair, most loving tone, 
And cosiest nook should be their own; 

And every sweet, endearing art, 
That shows a truly filial heart, 
21 



242 EX0EL8I0R 

Their tender care, in earlier day, 
>uld with fond gratitude re] 

If thus, by true politeness moved, 

At horn* good heart and sense be proved, 

We treasure op a blessed .^tore 
( >f memories sweet foreverrnore. 



SCHOOL OR COLLEGE. 243 






CHAPTER III. 

SCHOOL OR COLLEGE. 

At school a little world you find, 

To train your soul — your heart — your mind, 

Duly to fill, at riper age, 

Your place upon the world's great stage; 

For every moment here spent well 
Upon your after-life will tell. 

If just ambition rightly rule 

The golden years you spend at school, 

You will not waste the measured power, 
Nor idly spend one precious hour. 



God gave you body, mind and soul, 
Each, then, with its due care control. 

With healthy form and graceful ease, 
Learn by your outward looks to please ; 

With mind imbued with knowledge pure, 
Respect and deference secure ; 



244 EXCELSIOR 

And, more than all, from earliest youth, 

Four soul train to unswerving truth. 



Aim high — even though your point you miss, 
Some higher mark you gain by this, 

Than if — lest failure should befall — 
You took no lofty aim at all. 

The noble mind, with passion's fire, 
Makes excellence its first desire. 



Strive earnestly, by plan and rule, 
To miss no benefit of school. 

Knowledge at random loosely sought, 
At wisdom's real expense is bought; 

Yet special studies choose, that will 
Give for your chosen life more skill. 

So spend each year that when, at last 
These college-days shall all be passed, 

Justly your Alma Mater's pride, 

You seek a stage more grand and wide. 



GOOD MANNERS. 245 



CHAPTER IV. 

GOOD MANNERS. 

Learning will not suffice, you'll find, 
Unless the manners be refined, 

If in the social world you aim 

For full success, and worthy name ; 

You must, with constant, careful tact, 
Mould by its laws your every act ; 

But taking still for truest guides, 
Good sense, and guileless heart besides, 

For every man of common sense 
O'errules mere fashions vain pretence, 

And leaves all modish dandy rules, 
In dress or manners, to the fools. 



Good manners just four points include, 
And if these all be understood, 

And practiced on a settled plan, 
You are a finished gentleman. 
21* 



246 BXC&LSIOB. 

T > ■ fi\ feci cleanliness, 

Id perron, habits, b\ e< ch, and <1; 

With generous freedom, joy to lave 
In the clear, sparkling, limpid wave; 

Whether your capillary crown 

Be raven, flaxen, golden, brown, 

Or with regret you sometimes hear 
"Red-head" assail your wounded ear; 

Remember this — the brush and comb 
Must often in close contact come. 

Neglected teeth and nails still must 
Give the beholder deep disgust, 

But oh ! with still more anxious care 
For conversation clean prepare. 

Let no foul words, impure and vile, 
Or sinful oaths your lips defile. 

Fops, snobs, and bullies, freely use 
Language the well-bred all refuse ; 

And think they show a wittier mind 
The more their talk is unrefined. 



Forget yourself, your feet, your hands, 
And how you sit, or walk, or stand; 

Don't fidget with your watch or keys; 
Or try tuo much to seem at ease; 



GOOD MANNERS. 247 

Or make each one who sees you sick 
By grimace or affected trick ; 

Don't let your feet be sprawling spread, 
Or tilted up above your head. 

In short, just modest, quiet be, 
As nature and good sense decree. 



" Spiced gales of Araby the blest," 
Are sweet, but surely not a guest 

Whose 'kerchief and whose hair exhales 
More perfume than Arabian gales. 



Tis pity if you have a cold, 
But worse if the sad fact be told ; 

By every kind of uncouth sound 
Annoying every one around ; 

So let the secret be confined 

To your own handkerchief and mind. 



Tobacco's taste is only known 

To man and one vile worm alone. * 

And all the comment Ave can make : — 
'Twere well if man no share would take, 

*The tobacco worm, the only insect that will feed on the 
plant. 



% 

MS EXCELSIOR. 

But leave the odious, filthy weed, 
The still more filthv worm to feed. 



flood manners/ second point of grace 
Is neatness in our dress and ways ; 

Simplicity in look, word, act, 
Taste, order, comeliness, in fact ; 

That sense of just propriety, 

That in well-balanced minds we see. 

Give fashion all its proper due 
As far as fashion's rules suit you, 

For here again must sense and tact 
To each one's needs be rule exact. 

Nor fop, nor sloven, but between 
Chose carefully Uiq golden mean ; 

Though linen coarse and broadcloth rough, 
Or even plain, gray hodden stuff, 

Endue your form, be they but clean, 
The truer gentleman is seen, 

Than if arrayed, a dandy pert, 
In flashy jewelry and — dirt. 



Whether you be or poor oz rich, 
A kingdom rule or dig a ditch; 



GOOD MANNERS. 249 

Whate'er your place in Nature's plan, 
You may be this — a manly man. 

This holds the third important place, 
In points the gentleman to trace. 

The gentle man, observe this well, 
Whose manners best his title tell. 

Whose kindly thought will ever measure 
His happiness by others' pleasure. 

No matter what their station be, 
All claim alike his courtesy. 

Good manners' first, best, golden rule 
Is deeply graved upon his soul. 

The Gospel rule, "To others do 

As ye would they should unto you." 

With this you never can offend, 
Or grieve the most sensitive friend. 



When you in social converse meet, 
Be cheerful, genial, but discreet. 

Don't talk apart, with one or two, 
As if the rest were naught to ycu, 

But unto each in turn attend, 
And pleased attention try to lend. 



Never dispute or disagree 
With anything you hear or see s 



250 BXOELSIOB, 

Or try, by angry force, to make 

All others your opinions take. 

Choose always private place and season, 
MilJlv with erring friends to reason. 



Let courteous actions also show 

Good manners' kindly ways you know. 

Don't stare at strangers in surprise, 
Nor scan their dress with curious eyes, 

Nor make a mental catalogue, 
Down to the very cat and dog, 

Of all you see, if e'er you come 
Within the precincts of his home. 



But, above all, avoid to gaze 
Too boldly in a lady's face. 

To you each woman should appear 
As mother or as sister dear. 

All womanhood may, in their name, 
Respect and honor justly claim. 

"In others patiently endure 

Errors and faults — you may be sure, 

In much that you unconscious do, 
You others try, as they try you." 



GOOD MANNERS. 251 

Don't study courtly airs and graces, 
Bows, smirks and monkeyfied grimaces, 

Nor fawn on rank, or wealth, or station, 
By fiatcery base ; nor seek occasion, 

In any mean, unmanly way, 
Court to the "upper ten" to pay. 

Be manly-hearted, upright, true, 
Give each and all the reverence due, 

But still retain respect for self, 

Though low your station, small your pelf; 

And if you meet one lowlier still, 
Show equal courtesy and good will. 

Three acts will mark the coward base, 
And brand him with deserved disgrace — 

The lame or the deformed to shock, 
By heartless laugh or cruel mock ; 

God's simple ones to tease and jeer, 
Or at the ignorant poor to sneer. 

No truer sign of meanest mind 
Than this despicable mark we find. 

The golden rule begins and ends, 
All on which courtesy true depends. 



But table manners are the test, 

That prove the heart and training best ; 



EXCELSIOR. 

If hen v < n i justly make your claim 
To gentlemanly rank and name, 

No one will e'er that claim attack, 
Though in some minor points you lack. 

Be timely coming to a feast, 
But not with too unseemly haste, 

And with still greater cautious care, 
Of coming after time beware. 

If you 're requested, be quite ready 
To give your left arm to a lady ; 

With her, in "going through the door, 
It is your place to pass before. 

And while at table quietly 
Study her wishes to supply. 

A blessing ask, if grace is said, 

With reverent downcast eyes and head, 

And if by others 'tis forgot, 

In your own heart forget it not ; 

Don't crowd or push another guest, 
Hands, elbows, on the table rest; 

Be noiseless with knife, fork, and plate ; 
Be self-possessed, and moderate ; 

Let every movement be discreet, 
Deliberate, gentle, guarded, neat. 

Refuse not soup, but nicely sip 
From the spoon's side and not its tip ; 



GOOD MANNERS, 253 

, Don't bite your bread, nor break it up 
To drop the pieces in your soup ; 

And always say you do not wish 
A second help of soup or fish. 

Don't try of every dish to taste, 
Nor eat your food with greedy haste, 

For if too hurriedly you eat 

You'll spill your gravy, drop your meat ; 

And never let your neighbors see 

Your peelings, bones, or such debris (da-bree) 

Scattered upon the cloth around, 
Or dropped upon the carpet found ; 

And do not masticate your food 
As if, cow-UJce, you chewed a cud. 

To use your knife to help to salt 
Or butter is a serious fault. 

Don't make your fingers sugar tongs, 
Another of the vulgar wrongs. 

No w r ell-bred person e'er you see 
Puff out his lips and " blow " his tea, 

Nor with an unwiped greasy lip, 
From any glass or cup to sip. 

You must not bite or cut your bread 
Unless it be with butter spread. 

Don't urge a lady to take wine 
If offered once, and she decline. 

22 



264 " EXCELSIOR 

All fruits, both dry and fresh, and cheese, 
with your fingers if you plei 

Divide large fruit with dainty care, 

And neatly then the quartei 

Sj.lit peaches and remove the stone, 
With knife-point it is deftly done. 

Eat with a spoon all sorts of berries, 
And as for gages, plums, and cherries, 

The stones, please always understand, 
Take from the mouth with half-closed hand. 

Don't crack nuts with your teeth — in truth 
It spoils the nuts and crackers both. 

Ne'er pocket any dainty bit 
In private greediness to eat. 

Of delicacies rich and rare 

Help yourself with hand most spare, 

And ne'er with selfish, greedy art, 
Insinuate " your favorite part," 

But if you're asked which it shall be, 
Accept it with simplicity. 

Epicurean remarks the wise 
And truly manly will despise. 

With mouth crammed full of food don't mumble, 
'Twill make your talk a funny jumble. 

When you are helped just take with ease 
What quantity your host may please. 



GOOD MANNERS. 255 

Yet not so easy and so free 
Assume too great a liberty, 

As if you thought yourself most able, 
And finest gentleman at table. 

If you desire to be refined, 

Use knife, fork, spoon, as they're designed. 

If you should, in a moment rash, 
Keverse their use, perhaps you'd gash 

A mouth already quite too wide, 
And shock all who might see beside. 

The use of spoons we all suppose 
That every human being knows ; 

'Tis said in mouth of each babe born 
Is golden spoon or one of horn. 

To help yourself, or any friend, 

Do not your knife, fork, spoon e'er lend. 

Of such mistakes have careful heed ; 
Use what is placed for public need. 

Bread, nuts, and fruit, dear sir and madam, 
Eat in the mode of Eve and Adam, 

When thumb and fingers well supplied 
All other implements beside. 

Napkins and handkerchiefs pray mind 
Have each their proper use assigned : 

The first use only for your lips, 
And, if you soil your finger-tips, 



256 EXCELSIOR 

For 'kerchiefs use, b delicate mind 

Musi teach you how to be refined ; 

When using it you'll turn aside 
To COUgh or sneeze, then deftly hi I 

Sale in your pocket's recess deep, 
And out of sight the nuisance keep. 

Finally, be this understood — 

Pood's made for man, not man for food ; 

So eat and drink, in moderation, 
Just what you need for the occasion, 

And do not, by intemperate greed, 
Seem like a soulless beast to feed ; 

From table with the host arise ; 
In converse witty, calm, and wise ; 

Some little space of time delay 
Ere leave you take and go away. 

Such are the rules of etiquette, 
At well-bred tables always met; 

At home, "good sense" and ease, of course, 
May somewhat modify their force. 



11 Trifles," 'tis said, and not amiss, 
Make up the sum of human bliss. 
" If you your lips 
Would keep from slips, 



GOOD MANNERS. 257 

Five rules observe with care — 

Of whom you speak, 

To whom you speak, 
And how and when and where." 

Learn with an equal, kindly grace, 
And firmness to say no or yes. 

Don't whistling on the streets be caught 
" As fools do, just from want of thought." 



Don't kick your feet, nor with them drum, 
Nor yet with fingers ; do not hum, 

As if in vacant reverie, 
Nor idly in your pocket play 

With jingling keys, or rattling change ; 
Such tricks to gentlemen are strange ; 

Don't fidget with your knife or watch ; 
Or strive admiring eyes to catch 

With pin, or chain, or signet ring, 
Or any other showy thing. 

If need be, see the time of day, 
Just in a modest, quiet way. 



In public halls, a guarded voice 
A gentleman will make his choice, 

By unassuming quiet grace, 
Proving he knows his proper place. 

22* 



25S EXCELSIOR 

When you depart, don't bore a friend 
With farewells seeming without end, 

An<l, standing in a draughty door, 
Have still to sav a " few words more." 



Except in business time and place, 
For visitors you rise always. 



Ne'er swing your chair or tilt it back, 
Unless propriety you lack. 



Never, with eye-glass in your eye, 
Like puppy stare at passers-by. 



Only a ruffian, base and rude, 
Upon a lady would intrude. 

By turning in the street to gaze, 
Or venturing her steps to trace. 



Ne'er at hotels or restaurants 

With noisy fuss make known your wants* 



A kind deed, if politely done, 

Is more like two kind acts than one. 



GOOD MANNERS. 259 



Thus, when such gentle deeds you do, 
Make your friend feel he favors you. 



Before your services you lend 
To introduce, consult each friend, 

And do not take the fact for granted 
By both the introduction's wanted.* 



" By too familiar custom's use, 
Contempt and weariness ensues ;" 

So with *a certain, cautious care, 
Decline your every thought to share. 

You will not love your friend the less 
By practicing this cautiousness ; 

And rather win his best esteem 
As you the more retiring seem. 



The wit that can another wound 
In gentlemen is never found. 



Let not a stranger need a chair, 
But keep your own if more are there. 



Uncover where'er ladies are, 
At concert, lecture, or bazaar. 



260 EXCELSIOR 

By these three marks we know a bore — 
I ! I ■ ■ - we have heard before ; 

Details about his own affairs, 

His hopes and fears, hie pains and cares; 

By strings of questions without end; 
Kind heaven ! from bores deliverance send. 



"Please" is but a little word, and "thank you" is not 

long : 
Their use, whene'er there's need, alike to young and old 

belong. 



If need requires that you should haste, 
And some one in advance be passed, 

Don't rudely push, but, bowing slightly, 
You may proceed ahead politely ; 

If any blunder, or mistake, 

Or heedless oversight you make, 

That can another cause distress — 
As stepping on a lady's dress, 

Or stumbling in another's way, 
u Excuse me," always quickly say. 

But if in others you perceive 

Such awkward things, always believe 

'Tis ignorance, and kindly try 
All faults to veil you may espy ; 



GOOD MANNERS. 261 

To jeer or laugh would on your part 
Prove ill-bred mind and evil heart. 



With noble mind delight to show 
Superior claims you feel and know, 

And ne'er your hat or seat retain 
In priestly presence, or again 

A lady's, or one in whose years 
The reverent claims of age appears, 

Or one who holds a ruling station, 
Or claims the deference of the nation, 

Until they courteously permit 
Your hat, or point you to your seat. 



Avoid the self-conceit that makes 
One eager to correct mistakes. 



*D' 



And, most of all, with tender care, 
With parents of this fault beware. 



Ne'er talk of self, nor thrust your word 
Unwished for ; let each one be heard, 

And each one for himself reply 

To questions. Don't stand listening by 

To converse not to you addressed ; 
Let prying queries be repressed ; 



EXCELSIOR 

We have no right to try to loam 
All thai our neighbor may concern. 

Listen with patient eourtesy 

To ally though tedious some may be. 



Remember always in a church, 

It is God's house and heaven's porch. 

Keep silence strict — let not one word 
Of idle talk be ever heard. 

In lecture-room and concert-hall 
Regard the rights of one and all, 

And do not, by your private talk, 
The pleasure of another baulk, 

Nor all the audience offend, 
By going out before the end. 



In company it always looks 
Ill-bred to be absorbed in books ; 

And breaking in on conversation, 
By reading out without occasion ; 

But when some eloquent, sweet-voiced guest, 
The host and company request 

To read aloud, then show your breeding, 
By silent listening to the reading. 



GOOD MANNERS. 263 

Don't watch from cracks all who pass by, 
Like "Peeping Tom of Coventry." 



To bite your nails is quite ill-bred, 
Still more to use them on your head. 



In company your teeth to pick 
Will make refined beholders sick. 

Intruding on a busy friend 

In business hours, you may depend 

Won't raise you in his estimation ; 
Nor if you use the same occasion 

To handle private property, 
Ask use or price of all you see ; 

Or with audacity still greater, 
Eead, or e'en touch, a written paper. 



Ne'er with a friend, in prolonged talk, 
Monopolize the public walk ; 

Keep to the right on each occasion, 
A rule that knows but this evasion : 

When on a narrow path, or street, 
A lady or old man you meet, 

The rule you waive, and, for their sake, 
The less convenient side you take. 



264 EXCELSIOR, 

in, if ever there Ls need 
In narrow path one Bhould precede, 

The Buperior, in age or standing, 

Takes the first place, as most commanding; 

Unless there's danger in the case, 

And then it is the inferior's pla 

For brave young hearts are always ready 
As gnard for clergy, age, or lady. 

Precede a lady up a stair. 

But follow, coming down, with care, 

That on her dress you may not step, 
Or cause her any awkward trip. 

With ladies, gentlemen are ever 
Polite, deferent, familiar never. 



Don't heedlessly engagements make, 
But word once given never bn 

A gentleman, from first to last, 

Is bondman to his word once passed. 



That mind is generous, true, and strong, 
That humbly owns it has done wrong ; 

'" I bow before the noble mind 

That freely some great wrong forgives, 



GOOD MANNERS. 265 

"Yet nobler is the one forgiven, 

Who bears that burden well, and lives." 

ISTo present friend with praise assail, 
Nor at his faults, in absence, rail. 

Better alone forever be 

Than mix with worthless company. 

"Tell me the company you keep, 

And I will tell you what you are," 
I always hold, for w T isdom deep, 
An olden proverb rich and rare. 



I pray you heed these maxims well, 
Their worth your after life will tell ; 

Not beauty, talent, rank, or power, 
Supplies the lack, in social hour, 

. Of knowledge of good manner's rules, 
Nor all the learning of the schools ; 

Nor even grandest moral worth, 
Nor all the wealth upon the earth ; 

While though some other points you need. 
Possessing that you will succeed, 

And surely, in the course of time, 
With rapid feet, triumphant climb 

Up to the heights at which you aim, 
And win yourself an honored name. 
23 



266 EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTER V. 

C0NVERSAT1 

God gives to all some sort of speech, 
Bat study and experience teach 

How in the art we may excel, 
Learning to talk and listen well. 

The first rule is by proverb told — 
14 Speech silver is, but silence gold." 

Therefore this wisdom first attain, 
Of when to talk and when refrain. 

Talk moderately, that others too 
May "say their say" as well as you. 

Be wisely silent when you see 
'Tis best that you a listener be ; 

But show, by look of interest kind, 
You lend a pleased, attentive mind. 

When conversation languid flows, . 
Try with some word to interpose, 

And bring its former interest back, 
Or Btart it on a fresher track. 



CONVERSATION. 267 

Study to gain a clear, pure voice, 

Nor low nor loud ; — and make your choice 

The simple, plain, unstudied word, 
Such as in common parlance heard. 

Cant terms and vulgar words eschew — 
They should not be even known to you. 



Don't talk your knowledge to display, 
Lest rather ignorance you betray ; 

Yet still be ready, if desired, 

To share the wisdom you've acquired. 






Talk not too much of your affairs, 
Nor question others about their's, 

Except some frank, congenial mind, 
In casual meeting, you may find, 

Who can appreciate good sense 
And speak with plain intelligence 

About your business or his own, 
Yet not in too familiar tone. 



Despise not common words and ways, 
The cordial, social, little phrase, 

That holds society together, 
I^enmrks about the wind and weather, 



EXCELSIOR 

And every-. lay, trite observations, 
The Btaple of most conversation 

They serve a purpose wise and good, 
Though suiting not a cynic's mood. 



If among poor, unlettered men 

Accident casts you, even then 

Don't cloak yourself in selfish pride, 
Nor their sad ignorance deride, 

But try to light the spark divine 
That in each human soul doth shine. 

Often beneath the coarsest rind 
Some seed of precious worth we find. 

Perhaps in Providence's intent 

Words you could speak may have been sent, 

If not wrapped up in silent scorn, 
To cheer or counsel, help or warn. 

4 A little word in kindness spoken, 

A moment or a tear, 
Has often healed the heart that's broken. 
And made a friend sincere. 

' A word — a look — has crushed to earth 

Full many a budding flower, 
Which, had a smile but owned its birth, 
Would bless life's darkest hour. 



CONVERSATION. 269 

" Then deem it not an idle thing 
A pleasant word to speak ; 
The face you wear, the thoughts you bring, 
A heart may heal or break." 



Be ready, with an humble grace, 
To take at times a lower place ; 

Glad if one wiser will to you 
Impart his " treasures old and new;' 

Nor be ashamed, with candid ease, 
To use this simple art to please. 



" A man of one idea" alone 

Has ne'er in social converse shone. 

With all this counsel, wise and clever, 
He'd be a prosy bore forever. 

*Eead, listen, think, until your brains 
Varied and generous store contains, 

Then talk, and you will surely find 
Pleased listeners in each kindred mind. 



In letters the same rules apply 
Which you may well be guided by ; 

But of your spelling take good heed, 
And syntax study well indeed; 
23* 



270 EXCELSIOR. 

For written faults you cannot make 
The .same excuse for your mistake 

Thai conversation's heat affords, 

So guard alike ideas and words ; 

Don't let tliem stiff and formal be, 

But all come heart-warm, fresh, and free ; 

In simple word and phrase reveal 
The kindly thoughts you truly feel. 



VOCATION. 271 



CHAPTER VL 

VOCATION. 

"Ho ! all who labor, all who strive, 

Ye wield a lofty power; 
Do with your might, do with your strength, 

Fill every golden hour ; 
The glorious privilege to do 

Is man's most noble dower. 
Oh 1 to your birthright, to yourselves, 

To your own souls be true! 
A weary, wretched life is their's 

Who have no work to do." 



When His fair finished world God saw 
He made for it this primal law : 

Order should be its settled plan, 
And be the proper guide for man. 

The fittest place each one can find 
Is that for which he was designed. 

It matters not, or high or low, 
If God's decree has willed it so ; 



EXCELSIOR 

Ambitious hopes, mistaken pride, 
Tempt some from their right path aside. 

Others, with craven, faithless heart, 
Too cowardly to take the part 

Assigned them, idle life away 
As if one endless holiday. 

11 Who lags for dread of daily work, 
And his appointed task would shirk, 
Commits a folly and a crime ; 
A soulless slave, 
A paltry knave, 
A clog upon the wheels of time ; 
With work to do, and store of health, 
The man's unworthy to be free 
Who will not give, 
That he may live, 
His daily toil for daily fee." 



Let judgment, then, in this appear — 
Be not deceived by pride or fear ; 

Nor think that e'en the lowest place 
Can ever noble mind disgrace. 

Nay, rather know the maxim true — 
11 Honoring your trade will honor you." 

Judge yourself fairly, justly then, 
Unbiased by all other men ; 

Consider well each separate power, 
Each talent God has made your dower ; 



VOCATION. 273 

And know lie will account demand 
Most strictly from His creature's hand. 

Use reason calm your choice to make, 
But let your reason counsel take 

From prayer to God for light and strength 
To choose what He would have at length. 

" Where duty lies, 
There is highest sacrifice ; 
Oft in meanest tasks on earth 
Faith doth show her genuine birth, 
Giving them immortal worth!' 

But while of pride you must beware, 
Of false humility take care. 

'Tis said that, in the devil's eyes, 
This pride, that apes an humble guise, 

Is his beloved and darling sin, 

And countless souls for him doth win. 

With generous trust, and brave, high heart, 
Fear not to take a ruling part ; 

If conscious God has called vou there, 
And helped you well your soul prepare ; 

And this thought rules your chosen plan, 
" Glory to God— good will to man." 

When once you've wisely made your choice, 
Be- deaf to every tempting voice. 



274 EXCELSIOR 

Tress on and up, with steady aim, 
Heedless alike of praise or blame. 

"Like a 8tar t 
That maketh not haste, 

That taketh no rest — ■ 
Let each be fulfilling 

His God-given hest." 



Seeking the end you have in view, 
To God and your own soul be true. 

Loathe and avoid all trickery base, 
Be honest in words, looks and ways. 

Be punctual, as though a crime 
Heedless to waste another's time. 

Be civil; courtesy nothing costs, 

And wins us friends in countless hosts. 

Be orderly ; let system rule, 
And have its place for every tool. 

Be cautious; do not rashly trust, 
But ne'er suspect, unless you must. 

"Ne'er run in debt" — "pay as you go," 

Is a maxim of maxims that all should know. 

11 The wise man his secret will carefully Jccep" 
Lest another success should at his expense reap. 

Be watchful and prompt, for success is oft grasped 
By the hand that is ready before it be passed. 



VOCATION. 275 

Be industrious and earnest, persevere, persevere ; 
Step by step brings success daily, hourly near. 

" r Tis a lesson you should heed, 

Try again; 
If at first you don't succeed, 

Try again ; 
Then your courage should appear, 
For if you will persevere, 
You will conquer, never fear, 

Try again." 



Whate'er your calling, still be brave, 
Neither a tyrant nor a slave ; 

But think you see, in every other 
Whom you may meet, a man and brother. 

Let heart and mind your standard be 
Of truest aristocracy, 

And look with reverence on the man 
Who fills his place in heaven's plan; 

If President or cross-legged tailor, 
A Commodore or common sailor ; 

"All are but workers — hour by hour, 

"With hearts that are brave and true, 
From dawn to dark, through the whole day's length, 
Each gives with an earnest will his strength 
To the work he finds to do. 



276 BX6EL8I0B. 

"But a grander task for all remains, 

Which will only end with Time; 
And this grand task is 'mid the ceaseless din 

Of the constant struggle that hems us in 
To MAKE OUR LIVES SUBLIME.' 1 



PART II 



FOR YOUNG LADIES. 



EXCELSIOB. 279 



CHAPTER I. 

" Oft in lowliest tasks of earth 
Faith will find its genuine birth : 
Giving them immortal worth/' 

She who this living faith would know, 
Must strive these things to learn and do ; 

In daily duties' round to learn 
An inner spirit to discern, 

And with a generous, earnest will, 
Each mean, unworthy thought to still. 

Find how the tastes of all to please, 
And take no joy in careless ease ; 

But blithe and cheerful day by day, ' 
Keep step by step her upward w r ay 

To noblest height of w r omanhood — ■ 
Self-sacrifice for others good. 



2S0 EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTER IT. 



Tis not alone housewifely c 

That maketh home seem bright and fair. 

And though it all be duly set, ■ 

If love's sweet smile be lacking yet; 

If frowning brow r and sullen face 
Show's want of pure affection's grace ; 

Nor luxury, nor pomp, nor pride, 
Nor every gift of wealth beside, 

Can make it home : love only knows 
How to make home where'er it goes. 

The gentle kiss — the kind caress, 
A word in tones of tenderness; . 

How many a pain of heart and mind 
Would soothing comfort in them find. 

Learn, then, in girlhood's pliant days, 
To practice all love's gentle ways; 

In little things its spirit shows, 
And in their practice daily grows. 

'Till rising up in power and strength 
It reaches loftiest heights at length. 



EXCELSIOR. 281 



CHAPTER III. 

Be hopeful, sunny, cheerful, bright, 
Whate'er betides by day or night. 

A cheerful mind, like sunny gleams, 
Gilds harshest facts with golden beams ; 

'Tis rest unto the weary heart ; 

To angry moods 'twill calm impart ; 

It melts the stubborn ; to the weak 
'Twill courage and endurance speak ; 

Light, help and comfort, wisdom, grace, 
All enter with a cheerful face. 



282 EXCELSIOR, 



CHAPTER IV. 

With Belf must patience aeeda b \ 
And day by day Borne progress win. 

Ye1 still, as day shall follow day 

Before it's stretched a longer way, 

And vet more distant seems its goal, 
The nobler be the eager soul. 



The truly filial child is she 
Who does her duty patiently. 

Not from mere duty's strictest need, 
That gentler motives will not heed ; 

But adding unto duty's law 

Those kindlier impulses which draw 

From helpless sickness or old age 
Still stronger reasons to engage, 

A patience which, by every sign, 
Proves that its source is all Divine. 



." Its perfect work let patience have, 
'Twill many a sin and sorrow save ; 

And calm and even life will glide 
If patience doth with thee abide. 



EXCELSIOR. 28c 



CHAPTER V. 

The homely ways of daily toil 
Perhaps at times the hands may soil. 

The broom, soft, rosy palms annoy, 
And " kitchen work" may quite destroy 

Romantic dreams of wedded life, 
But the true woman and true wife 

Finds in its quiet round of care,' . 
Its daily toils, a treasure rare. 

The humblest tasks her hands fulfil, 
She makes a source of pleasure still 

In work well done, and calmly blest, 
Her heart and mind alike will rest ; 

While husband, children, servants praise 
The simple wisdom of her ways. 



284 EXCELSIOR, 



CHAPTER VI. 

The ladies of these latter days 
Too oft neglect old-fashioned ways : 

The thrifty ways their grand-dames knew 
How ancient garments to renew ; 

How, with elaborate, patient care, 
The ruuch-w T orn stockings to repair 

By loose drawn rows of smooth flat darn 
With cotton soft or even yarn. 

'Tis pity these economic ways 

That won our grandmammas such praise. 

Are now-a-days near set aside 
By thriftless idleness and pride. 



EXCELSIOR. 285 



CHAPTER VII. 

Is there a sharper, crueler dart, 
Piercing more quickly to the heart, 

Is there a venomed arrow keen 
More fatal than detraction's spleen, 

More subtle poison ever spread, 

Than whispered scandal's words of dread, 

Or bitterer tears than oft are wrung 
By woman's sharp unbridled tongue ? 

Say not, " I know the thing is true," 
Even though appearing so to you, 

It will not justify your cause 
In breaking charity's fair laws. 

" Speak good of all, or silent be," 
Is the sure rule of. charity. 

" Judge not " comes with this promise sweet, 
"And you no judgment hard shall meet." 

And they who neighbors ne'er condemn 
Know mercy surely waiteth them. 



280 EXCELSIOR 



CHAPTER VIII. 

A woman perfect and complete 
Needs first to be a housewife neat ; 

If wife, on wifely duties bent, 
If mother, on her charge intent ; 

But she who has a vacant mind, 
An intellect all unrefined ; 

Who never cares in any book 

That has no " fashion plates " to look ; 

Will live but a poor, vacant life — 
An ignorant mother — childish wife ; 

From lack of knowledge, not of will, 
Her duties only half fulfil. 



EXCELSIOR. 287 



CHAPTER IX, 

God givetli each some gift and grace, 
And fits each soul for its own place. 

But strict account He yet will ask, 
How each fulfil the appointed task ; 

And use each talent, Virgins five 
The light of knowledge kept alive ; 

And fed that inner lamp, the mind, 
With wholesome food, for it designed ; 

While other five the light divine, 
Allowed to dwindle, waste, and pine, 

For lack of food. Then, piteous fate, 
Their folly knew — alas ! too late. 



EXCELSIOR. 



CHAPTEE X. 

'Tifl sad to see how health and grace 
To fashion's idle laws give place; 

How day by day the natural waist 
Grows less and less, as tighter laced ; 

And prisoned feet, and aching hands, 
Are bound by fashion's cruel bands ; 

And all that nature fairly made 
In well proportioned size displayed, 

By long and painful force compelled 
To barbarous distortions vield. 



EXCELSIOR. 289 



CHAPTER XL 

The instinct of each woman's heart 
Should teach her how to act her part. 

"Tie God who hath her place assigned, 
And given to her a pliant mind, 

And quick perceptive power to see 
Just what a duteous wife should be. 

By gentle, mild, adaptive mood, 
She wins, persuades, incites to good ; 

And if the purer, loftier soul 

Will thus her husband best control ; 

While if he towers far above, 

She makes herself worthy his love. 

'Tis by submission women rule, 

And she who best her heart doth school 

In all humility's sweet ways 

Will win most honor and most praise. 



290 EXCELSIOR. 



CHATTER XII. 

The rules of breeding most exact 
Of finest feeling, sense and tact, 

In the Apostle's words we find 
Adapted to each human mind. 

They teach us all we need to know 
For guidance, wheresoe'er we go. 

And by their practice we w T ill learn 
New meanings daily to discern. 

They govern heart, and mind, and will. 
And give each nobler motives still, 

And yearnings, daily more intense, 
For higher heights of excellence. 



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